Day 293: Being in Agreement with Myself that Change is Required

3370319232_7fec3969d0I have a blocked nose, some head and eye pain for a few days now which most likely at this point is due to environmental factors such as wind, heat and cold of which I have plenty here. I speculate that my movement in terms of accepting a new position/responsibility at work which required of me to break quite a few deep character patterns has in a way weakened my established constitution thus making me more susceptible to outside influences.

I can still experience a sort of battle within me where the old and the new meet. I have decided within myself that I will no longer procrastinate and wait for changes to happen but that I will take initiative and go with the decisions that empower me. The past, as my thoughts of fear, anxiety, insecurity, laziness and also desires to indulge in positive energy experiences are still coming up where in this I am standing with my decision in front of me and I refuse to follow my old patterns and I refuse to succumb to the influences which were producing only the negative consequences very well proven in time.

I accept those fears, the anxieties, and the desires realizing that they have been a part of me for a very long time and thus it will take some time to transform that. I do not resist or judge those parts of me but I support myself by giving myself the credit for making the small steps to stand. The saying that later is better than never is cool. So all parts of me are here and we all walk hand in hand realizing that the change is necessary and that what we are doing is for the better.

Now in terms of this transition from the old into the new I found the aphorism made by the founder of homeopathy Samuel Hahnemann very supportive. Even though he speaks about the role of a physician when dealing with a disease still we can view it from the perspective of us being our own physicians who are dealing with our dis-ease that was preventing us to live truly fulfilling lives:

“The highest ideal of cure is rapid, gentle and permanent restoration of the health, or removal and annihilation of the disease in its whole extent, in the shortest, most reliable, and most harmless way, on easily comprehensible principles.

Even though the reality is often different and we experience quite a turmoil when dealing with change the above point can serve as a guideline towards which we can strive by perfecting ourselves each time we face the challenges of change from a dis-eased state into a healthier one.

Now in terms of “comprehensible principles” mentioned in the text here I would like to mention one of them which was and is extremely supportive for me at this point in time on this journey of change. That is the point of judgment – of Self and others. And that is because I am noticing that, at least in the beginning, I am making a lot of mistakes. In the past this would have stopped me and I would have fallen back into my usual self-limiting patterns where I feel comfortable and where I would not push myself nor expand nor try new things. Now by dealing with this fear of failure, and again by using another useful principle of writing and investigating myself, I can accept the fuck-ups I make and just move on. It’s truly liberating. Try it!!! And another interesting thing is that once I started supporting myself in this and removing the self-judgments, the others around me also started supporting me and giving a thumbs up, even when I did some really ridiculous mistakes lol. So I am really grateful to many people in my reality for standing as that support in those moments when I really needed it. That gives great motivation to go on and be the same for others

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Day 268: Anxiety when Participating within the System

 

imageOne of the points that I find very agitating and causing great self-judgement is the point of communicating effectively with system authority. In this the major pattern which, I am seeing, stands in my way, is my sensitivity and fear of any real or perceived negativity towards me if and as I will start voicing my concerns.

This way of accepted living causes and contributes a lot towards developing and maintaining the activity of my mind thinking process or the so called backchat where instead of communicating the points that arise within me with the relevant people I internalize all the interactions and, basically, remain stuck in the alternate mind reality, just because of the fear and anxiety to cause some negative reaction where, to go even further, I create various scenarios of what could happen if I do voice myself.

Having this kind of ineffective practical living ability surely separates me from the many possibilities that exist in term of walking within this system where I live only through the chances and odds in terms of how the system moves by itself/ through the participation of other beings. There is no self-directive drive ensuring I create and design my own path that I am willing to walk.

So what is this fear and why I allow it to direct my whole life. One thing I see is the point of change where, I mean that I have mostly always been like that, that’s who I am with all it’s positives and negatives. To go a bit more into it I can start noticing the unwillingness to change the point of responsibility where I do understand that change does involve becoming much more responsible and I do like being and living with less responsibility where I can still do what I WANT. Apparently I have the free choice to do as I wish and so I wish to remain the little me as long as I can.

The limitation, however, within this is extremely annoying where I am just a follower and have to accept the rules of the system, no matter how degrading they are, without any ability to question and have a say in any form of change for the better.

Here I am as always faced with the same point of practicality of actually changing myself through stopping my basic programming and developing new set of skills that will assist me to voice myself and participate effectively within the current system. Here naturally it must realize that time and patience will be required to change that which took years to live into my flesh as what I have accepted and allowed.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making the move and so the actual communication/interaction with other beings because of the existing fear to look ridiculous and make mistakes which I believe will have negative consequences

When and as I see within myself the fear and anxiety arising upon facing the decision to communicate/interact with another I stop and breathe until I stop the energy surge and within that I formulate within myself in absolute clarity the point I want to address and from here I make the move to participate and learn in the process realizing that mistakes will happen but each time I will stand up, learn from these mistakes and thus develop through actual practice my necessary skills to become as effective as I can be

Day 244: Mr. Nice Guy is not so Nice

 

I have this ever persisting personality/character that I have accepted myself to be and exist as throughout my life. No matter what would happen in my reality I would always try to find the nice way to approach each situation. Rationalizations were many – like “this way is more efficient and practical”, “you have to do unto another what you want them to do unto you” –this last one is a smart one, and with it I fooled myself rather effectively, where basically I have denied myself the real support from my environment, meaning that there are situations where Right Now you just need a good “scream” from someone for you to actually realize what you are doing where in in this you Hopefully wake up and do something about it.

So I never gave this “gift” to others, I received, but didn’t give and what’s interesting is that in the long term I was always grateful to those who screamed at me and woke me up because I could see that there was no other way I would have understood the point.

One of the reasons I could never make myself do it is because I didn’t want to be rude, unfriendly or appear as a bad person. I preferred being “supportive” character trying to score points for this “goodness” so that people could say – this guy is cool.

Supporting another for REAL and in this scoring a negative attitude towards self was unacceptable to me. So in reality the question arises- can such a person be called benign or caring? I would say NO because the one that truly cares would do anything that is required to be done in the moment to truly assist another, even if that means becoming hated or despised.

It is the Fear that was always the ruler of me. The fear of negativity basically. What was missed by me within this is the fact that we as humans exist as negative beings from the very foundation of who we have become – in this the whole reality is the proof of that. So it’s obvious that avoidance and fear of negativity – is the avoidance and fear of REALITY not dealing with what is real ensures that no solutions can be truly found.

So, when in my world in reality I would come across beings that would represent this point of negativity I was grateful for showing me what is real. Of course most of those beings never had a choice in this as they simply embodied this negativity within them and played it out without any awareness. Still in this the reality could be seen as it was mostly clear that there are no hidden agendas as all was just here in your face. Whereas the “nice guy” is never clear about true intentions, all the activities are happening deep inside the secret mind and all that is presented to the outside world is the positively shaped and designed representation. Watch out for the knife in your back mister.

Surely we cannot now let loose completely our negative nature that we have suppressed in ourselves as that would create absolute mayhem and we would basically cut each other’s throats as we do that in our secret minds where nobody can see us, so we think. Yet it is important to start dealing with it and actually understanding how we create our reality until that negativity that grows within each doesn’t get too powerful and claim total control of our behavior. Now when you read the news every day in the newspaper – what do you think is happening?

So I realize now the importance of growing real guts and so becoming able to face my own negativity and together all the negativity that I face in my world and reality. I see the importance to remain stable and not get lost in fear upon facing the badness of existence. I absolutely begin to realize that there is only one tiny line that is protecting me from facing the true horror of this reality – that is MONEY. And in this I understand that it’s better to face it self-willingly rather than be forced into it unprepared.

 

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Day 231: Lifeless intellect

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It’s been an interesting experience to read up the ongoing conversations on the social network Quora, which is mostly a meeting place of well-read individuals interested in various topics of worldly matters. One thing that came clear of my time spent there is that intellect and knowledge might become and actually is a huge hindrance in having the ability to think and see the wider picture of reality. One would expect that people, who have received a decent education and who have been exposed widely to issues and problems we face as humanity around the globe, to be able to see the most simplistic solution that we presented as a group, which is the solution of Equal Money System as a straightforward way to address the lack that so many our fellow human beings are experiencing right this very moment around the world. Yet despite the simplicity of the message we were faced with resistance and later even attacks.

It was amazing to watch how human beings were turning, one after the other, into nasty haters towards our group without having done any research or investigation, but purely relying on others opinions from the comments alone, or sometimes a quick glance at our webpage, which actually contains thousands of various articles, videos, interviews etc. None of that was researched and everyone just jumped into the present energy that was created by the nastiest ones. At one point I began to react towards all the nasty comments that were deliberately written to humiliate and demean the message and the individuals presenting the message. The so called intellectual beings began to use their skills and knowledge to construct and design messages, using clever techniques, to scare, inflict fear, and by all means to diminish that which we represented. I was astounded at how quickly people can become influenced by unfounded messages of hate and fear and turn into a very cruel mob. All the previously observed politeness was out the window and the true nature began to show itself.

Yes, that is actually the power of the message that we represent, EQUALITY – you see growing and evolving in this system we have become separate as we have used our minds to define ourselves as better or less according to levels of intellect and knowledge that we have accumulated. Within that we created various personalities/characters and that became who we are. So, now in the face of being presented with the simplicity of physical EQUALITY as our only common/basic source of who we are beneath all the fake knowledge and information, all these characters felt threatened because they know that what they are is not in the best interest of the physical life. It is more so when we present this message to those that are on the positive side, those who have a position in the system and have secured their lives with sufficient money in their bank accounts. They will do all that is in their power to protect that position and money and protect the mind characters that made it possible to accumulate that wealth completely disregarding the interconnectedness of the whole system and the fact that one’s wealth means another’s suffering.

It’s astonishing how we have to find new ways to present this simple truth that is so obvious once the knowledge, with which we became indoctrinated, is put aside for a moment. However, it became also rather obvious that people do understand this at some level because I mean there are no genuine arguments possible against this simple truth and so the defenders of these characters, still feeling the need to continue their case will come up with various crazy thoughts and justifications which don’t make much sense. Sure they must be able to see that themselves, I mean common on.
What happens next, as these senseless arguments run out, the pretenders must resort to other tactics and that’s where nastiness begins. Any and all information will be used, to diminish the message. Here personal attacks begin, overlooking the message itself, as if by diminishing the messenger the message becomes less. It’s like really trying to fool oneself. So yeah Jesus with his message of “love thy neighbor as thyself” which is the same message of equality must have had some difficult time here on earth.

All in all this whole experience was a good lesson to stop the existence of judgment as I can see now that there are beings roaming this earth that are quite skillful in presenting their agenda and influencing others with it. And it also showed the importance in doing self-investigation whatever one encounters in one’s reality because otherwise the design of the traps, when one decides to take shortcuts, might just get one without one’s awareness – and for what the consequences might be dearly. So, always Investigate all things and keep that which is good (best for all)

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Day 229: Patterns of Self-disempowerment

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I saw an interesting point yesterday when being on one of my usual airplane flights between the countries. I never felt comfortable flying these things and every landing or take off creates some movement of anxiety within me. As I have to fly very often up and down from work this anxiety became my constant companion which I accepted as normal part of my journey.

Yesterday, however for a moment, during the time when we were going for a landing I suddenly completely relaxed and allowed myself to let go my usual fear and anxiety and simply enjoyed the night scenery of the city lights through the window. Immediately after that the thoughts came up “no, that is wrong, something wrong, does that mean we will crash now?” – lol, so that nicely shows how I have become accustomed to my fear as the way to exist and in this even began to trust it, because I mean so far it worked and I was always getting through alive in one piece, not realizing the absolute absurdity of this whole belief system.

Then from here, seeing this type of pattern, I can go further and expand into other areas of my life. For example the concept of failure as the wholly encompassing experience within all areas of my existence. It is another constant companion that is introduced to all human beings since day one, as this absurd claim that we come into this world with original sin and have to repent and try to correct ourselves during our time here on earth.

And the thought of removing this fallacy to be able to stand in this reality, without the inner voice telling how faulty we are is considered an atrocity. If we dare however to clear ourselves of this, then we remove the ingrained inferiority and we stand as equals to the creator himself, finally, in the true image and likeness as it is claimed. And here again the fear and anxiety sets in as seeing our responsibility for what has been allowed through our allowance and acceptance within our submission, as believing to be inferior, to the whole system. A lot of damage has been done to this planet in our name and we stood only as the powerless spectators, fooled by multitude of belief systems, existing in fear to ever step in and participate as equals.

So here is just to illustrate the point of our companionship with different belief systems that we allow within ourselves to direct how we feel, act and move in this reality.

So by allowing common sense to enter our minds to remove the unreasonable and unnecessary obstacles from our practical living path we can become much more aware and considerate human beings. I mean is it necessary to participate in fear and anxiety when flying an airplane as if that has any influence to the outcome, or is it necessary to believe that we are bad and faulty because off/if something that happened  before we were born into this world. Of course not and but instead we can ensure that who we are here and now is in the process of self-creation with the realization that, yes, we messed up but now we are willing to correct ourselves and find new ways of coexistence that will be beneficial for All.

That’s why self-forgiveness is such a wonderful tool to let go of our past programming and start with a clean slate. The how to achieve this specifically see links below

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Day 178: I am not good enough” character – Thought dimension (Part 3)

 

This blog is a continuation within the series of blogs I am writing about “I am not good enough” character which manifests itself within situations where I have to take action by making a decision to actively participate in my everyday reality. In this blog I am looking at the dimension of Thought of this character seeing what thoughts are activating this character.

Introductory Blog

 

Fear Dimension

 

Fear of being judged

Fear of making mistakes

Fear of confrontation/people

Fear of losing myself and that which I know

Fear of not being able to handle the truth of me

Fear of losing free choice
Fear of  the responsibility

 

Thought dimension

Seeing myself in a situation that goes out of hand and I cannot control it

Seeing a picture that is “empty/blank”

Seeing a picture of myself where i am being screamed at/called out

 

Seeing a picture of myself where i am being screamed at/called out

Self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a thought/image of being screamed at/called out come up in my conscious mind which is related to my fear of making mistakes/confrontation and where I allow this thought to determine my participation in my world

I commit myself to when and as this thought comes up stop myself, breathe and do not allow this thought to dictate my actions where in the moment I push myself to participate/interact with my reality in whatever way it is required from the starting point of doing what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the thought where I am screamed/called out comes up within me because I am self-dishonest in my living where I am concerned about protecting some form of self-interest

And so I commit myself to become aware of each moment when and as this or similar thoughts come up and within that I investigate what it is exactly that I am fearing to lose as self-interest and upon finding the reason I agree within me to lose whatever I fear losing within realization that all forms of self-interest has to go

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how much limitation I impose on myself thorough allowing this thought to come up and influence my whole world spiraling me down the rabbit hole of fear, backchat, reactions, and consequentially destructive and irresponsible behavior

I commit myself to understanding the whole process of what happens when and as I allow the thoughts to direct who I am and so with this understanding develop the resolve to make the decision whenever thought arise to stop them and direct my living as myself within the principle of what’s best for all

 

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Day 178: I am not good enough” character – Thought dimension (Part 2)

 

This blog is a continuation within the series of blogs I am writing about “I am not good enough” character which manifests itself within situations where I have to take action by making a decision to actively participate in my everyday reality. In this blog I am looking at the dimension of Thought of this character seeing what thoughts are activating this character.

Introductory Blog

 

Fear Dimension

 

Fear of being judged

Fear of making mistakes

Fear of confrontation/people

Fear of losing myself and that which I know

Fear of not being able to handle the truth of me

Fear of losing free choice
Fear of  the responsibility

 

Thought dimension

 

Seeing myself in a situation that goes out of hand and I cannot control it

Seeing a picture that is “empty/blank”

Seeing a picture of myself where i am being screamed at/called out

 

Seeing a picture that is “empty/blank”

Self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a thought/image of emptiness/blankness come up in my conscious mind when and as I am willing to participate/interact with other beings and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow this thought to direct me in my decision of who I am and what I do within my interactions with other beings where most of the time I decide to not participate at all

So I commit myself to when and as the thought of emptiness/blankness comes up in my mind I stop myself take a breath and do not allow this thought to decide for me or influence me in what I will do and who I will be within my interactions with other beings and within my participation in my reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that by giving this thought attention and so believing that this is who I am I give my power away for the mind as that which i have programmed myself to be throughout my life to be the directive principle of my actions instead of deciding in the moment to remain in and as breath and physically practically participate in my reality thus taking responsibility for everything that happens in my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that each time by participating in this or similar thoughts I manifest the consequences by creating the pattern of giving up on myself

I commit myself to upon seeing this or similar thoughts come up within me to stop the participation in the thought by taking a breath, speaking the living statement of who I am as “I am moving myself to participate and take responsibility for my reality” and then physically move myself to do whatever I have to do in the moment

 

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Visit the new “Desteni I Process Lite”course that has been launched recently for all those who are willing to understand,  in practical self-application, the reality of self

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EQAFE

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