Day 297: Slowing Down to Avoid Stress

time-spiral-400x315Through experience I have noticed that many people when we watch TV or read magazines or simply observe other people from our environment, who are successful and are doing many great things, we tend to go into a comparison and in this a normal reaction is to feel a little bit bad about ourselves. We experience some jealousy and/or self-judgment because it’s not us that came up with some specific idea, it’s not us that has the skill, has the knowledge and it’s not us that lives this apparently better life.

What I found within myself when facing such moments is to immediately try to imagine myself in their position, I try to see what skills can I develop, how can I build myself up, basically how can I evolve to that or similar state of being. Facing such situations few times a day or however frequently and not dealing with it properly, meaning, not investigating within myself whether that specific point is actually relevant in my process, I mean do I actually need such skills like the individual, I observed or heard about, has. Also I am not investigating the actual process that would need to be walked to get to such a position etc. I mean there are many dimensions that need to be taken into consideration within each such point. So when not dealing with such experiences I found that I am accumulating lots of energy through those short moments of jealousy, self-judgment, and overall sense of inferiority.

This energy I have seen does not go anywhere and sits constantly within my body and affects rather greatly everything I do, who I am. There is like this energetic veil that gets pulled over the eyes and there seems to be no way out, and from here, like a headless chicken I run into many directions trying to find a solution. To take an analogy it would be like a plumbing system where in one place there is a blockage of garbage and now the water cannot run through it, it is still seeping ever so slightly, and gives me the idea that it’s still working. And yes, I mean I am still relatively functioning in my reality and I am moving myself here and there but to say that I am actually moving towards my potential, that I am taking the best steps to fulfill my goals, I cannot.

Now the problem comes when the solution is applied through our learned intelligence. Instead of finding and removing the blockage what do we do, using again the analogy, we pour more water to put more pressure and hope that this will blow things the right way. That does work from time to time and only temporarily but it’s definitely not a real solution as the source was never fixed or even understood in its functioning to thus be able to prevent further such instances. We can see the same intelligence applied in most parts of our system – like medical system where instead of understanding the cause of a disease and healing the whole organism we simply suppress the symptoms creating thus deeper problems that manifest now in other ways; also money system where instead of realizing that the system itself is based on the abusive mechanisms that are depleting and exploiting life on earth we continue to fuel it by printing more money or even attempting, as we see currently within the news, to create new global currency believing this to be a solution. Won’t work.

Now going back to the initial point I was addressing what I have seen to be a more effective solution is basically to slow down for a moment and see what is really going on here. Yes, the tendency is to move quickly, there is like a sense of emergency that is growing, the energy is building up and pressure is rising, and we shout that we need a fast solution. Now it’s the best time to apply self-will and to slow down. Writing here is one of the best tools for that because through writing you re-align yourself with the physical time as you type and you look inside yourself – its equal -whereas when you are just in your mind the time is a quantum time and you leap from one thought construct to another in the speed of light, mostly without any understanding or awareness. With writing your mind is basically forced to slow down and you can see better how stuff inside you is moving. Now I can see what is causing my slightly dysfunctional behavior, I can see that I am sitting here with all the energy that I have accumulated through all those moments I have missed and allowed myself to judge myself for who I am and who I am not. I have allowed myself judge myself for the mistakes I have made in the past, and I have also allowed myself to fear and worry about my future. I mean there are many points working at once and unless we slow down we will not be able to identify them and remove them effectively like a real plumber would remove the dirt from the pipes.

“Understanding that each moment is here for self-realization – this being as possible as each breath that you take.”

“Work as self, understanding that there are no mistakes, therefore no judgment for anything you have created – just unconditional release. Silence the mind as you breathe by not accepting fear, confusion or a systematic approach. Approach each situation with a new look at oneness and equality, understanding that in truth there are no limitations, other then what you as the mind allow. Trusting self and trusting that there are no mistakes other than what you have attached blame and judgment to. Allow each moment to be new and ask of yourself forgiveness whenever you realize that the decisions you made were not in truth or were of a system.” – Desteni

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Day 245: True Grit and Happiness

Problem

We humans have become unable to see and seek long-term goals of true happiness but became absolutely possessed about achieving instant/short-term gratifications that we have made to be the goal of our lives. And this happens at a cost which we will find and realize only in the long-term, and which, as I just wrote, we are so far unable to see. Ok, I mean we ARE able to see with our physical eyes by just looking at factual data that is available and is depicting, specifically, all self-destructive ways in which we exist, but we are not able to understand the true implications of that information as we are so unwilling to let go of that desire to get the quick fix, to get our pleasurable experiences. We are desperate to get them because most of the time we exist in agony.
Drink a bottle of beer and whatever issue you are dealing with will just disappear, you can relax your mind for a moment (weekends ring a bell?). Yes, for a moment as it returns in another moment tenfold and so you need another bottle to continue the exponentially growing cycle. Then your liver fails. Oops, In that case it’s then not seeing the long-term effect/consequences but experiencing them, which in many ways is already too late, the damage is already done and some things cannot be reversed.
So where did we become such brainwashed weaklings unable to see the obvious? Haven’t our responsible parents explain the rules of this physical reality and how everything functions when we were born? Isn’t that the first thing to teach the child?
There is no proof that they did. Then perhaps our parents are not really responsible beings? Maybe they were drinking away or suppressing their problems in other ways and have never dealt with them and simply transferred all that to further generations to hopefully for them to sort things out?
We have been running too long from our problems and in this way abdicating all the responsibility to our automatic mind systems of management and we can no longer view and assess our reality in common sense consideration. Critical thinking skills have been left behind and lost through parenting and ineffective schooling systems that only aim to produce obedient slaves to the world system, which only a few can understand and benefit from.
We have become so weak and helpless that there is no more vigor and grit left within us to seek solutions and so we became complacent and content with only little/ short-term feel good experiences that the system provides for us by our own desire.

Solution

After all that’s been done to us by our unaware predecessors we still have to stop ourselves from continuing within the same cycles of self-destruction and in this find ways to develop and nourish within ourselves the TRUE GRIT.

‘True gritters’ show perseverance, tenacity, ‘perseverance and passion for long-term goals’, and are tenacious, not easily distracted and not discouraged by setbacks. – From an article in daily news

So here the inner strength is important as within this journey of change we have to go against years and years of programming that we have accepted and allowed and actually have become. Still I am sure, as I am sure about myself, that within most people there is still a spark of life burning and calling to take action in the name of what is best for all.
The realization in this is important – that we have absolutely nothing to lose by moving towards change apart from the illusion that we call living. In this stupidity of action is inadvisable as I am sure many would like to resort upon starting to see and understand the nature of the problems we face. In this case I am afraid the principle of homeopathy will not work and stupidity will not cure stupidity. For once we must become mature and realize the true actions that need to be taken for the change to become a reality. We’ve been taking the easy way out forever and the good thing about that is that now we know that it doesn’t work and different approach is required.

“Nothing is easier than to denounce the evil doer; Nothing more difficult than understanding him.” – Fyodor Dostoevsky

There is a process that takes many years of self-commitment through self-education where all pieces of self are taken apart and explored in great detail through the realization that only by getting to know ourselves we can understand the reality as a whole and become thus the integral PARTicipant in bringing change through this understanding.

Reward

The end of dull “life” and re-establishment of that which truly matters and is the real source of real happiness.

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Visit the new “Desteni I Process Lite”course that has been launched recently for all those who are willing to understand,  in practical self-application, the reality of self

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Day 59: Honor Your Body

When I was in my teen years and when I was seriously doing sports the older guys would warn us youngsters occasionally to take it a bit easier with the pressures we put on our physical bodies, they kept saying how the traumas of the past catch up with them and what pains they cause in the present. It’s amazing how when being young and vigorous I did not hear these warnings; I simply enjoyed my strength, my quick healing abilities and believed it will last forever, I believed that somehow I am different, special and whatever they talk about does not apply to me. I mean some older guys even told me that they had the same believes and now they are living the consequences. Still that wasn’t enough to penetrate my defenses and I kept my lifestyle as it is. In my younger years I did wrestling and there I had many accidents where I broke my bones a couple of times, tore apart a few ligaments on my legs which do not have the ability to heal themselves, broke my rib, had multiple strains and many other smaller injuries – so basically I didn’t give a fuck about my body in any way whatsoever, on the contrary I was even proud of myself because of the number of injuries I had, where people would laugh at me for how crazy I am and medical professionals would greet me every time on my routine visits. I was proud at the speed I was able to heal myself and get back to the wrestling ground. I mean, even when I was apparently healed and well I would have these involuntary switch offs where my leg would simply disconnect and I would fall down, yet still within that my only reaction was a smile on my face where I considered these events really cool. I would tell my friends about it and we would have a laugh together, that’s it. The level of arrogance and disregard for my physical body was extreme to say the least.

It’s interesting how I developed this personality of always being physically traumatized where after a while it grew to such an extent that almost every second training session I would get some kind of injury. When I look at it I see that it served me  a couple of purposes at the time – where one was all the attention I was getting and another was the excuse to not participate in competitions, which I truly hated. As a rule, before the competitions, I would get some kind of injury thus freeing myself from participation, with great satisfaction I might add. The whole preparation period for the competitions was making me really anxious where I would slowly build this emotion of anxiety within me to the point where I would get the injury and that would then release all this compounded energy. At that time  the option to simply tell my coach that I do not want to participate in competition somehow didn’t exist within me because this “weakness” was unacceptable for a male in my culture. The pressure and expectations that were placed on us was huge, especially if you were one of the leading figures within the group of athletes. So getting injuries to skip competitions was my only way to escape which at that time I could conceive. And I became very good at it. However never realizing at what cost I was doing it.

So it’s really amazing how we as humans underestimate the health of our physical bodies where we blindly build various personalities through which we harm ourselves as our bodies never realizing that our body should be total priority as it makes the experience of all these personalities possible in the first place. At the moment priority is given to our feelings, desires, wants and needs while failing to realize that all of that is useless if the body becomes disabled. In our minds we became separated from our bodies and usually we miss all the many signs and calls that the body is showing us, asking for attention. The separation is to such an extent that the call is usually heard when it’s already too late. There are great many stories of regret from people who faced already the consequences of what they have allowed in separation from their physicality. They have already realized the uselessness of all wants and dreams and desires for achievement when the one thing that matters is disabled and sick to the point where there is no way back. And they try to speak up and warn those who still believe, as I did, that this doesn’t apply to us and we are somehow protected from such faith. Yet the thief comes at night when you least expect him and he robs you of the one thing that truly matters. This thief is our mind, it steals the life substance of our bodies to turn it into alternate realities of happiness or love despite the actual needs and requirements of our physical, practical living here.

It’s enough to look at this world as our big body that we all share; we have completely ignored its needs in the pursuit of ideas as our ideals of what it means to live. Have we in any way created life that is worth living? – Surely not, all we have in this world is fake smiles pretending that what we did is OK, yet at nights, in the darkness when we are alone, we cry in pain, agony and fear not really understanding what is happening to us and how did we get here and what is the solution.

To be continued with self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements…

Artwork by Damian Ledesma

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Day 33: What are you doing with your life?

Recently I was asked “What are you doing with your life?” So I have been sitting for a while having some difficulty to respond, not knowing how to approach that question. And I mean so far the only answer I was able to find for this kind of hesitation is simply to starting to write. Easy.

So what I am doing with my life? First of all I don’t know what life is because I have seen in the last years, upon close self-observation, that I have never lived. I have seen that the way I exist is simply patterns of behavior that I repeat over and over again. I have seen my limitations and my fear to break from them and how much I hold on to that which I know to be me. I have seen that most of my actions are automatically learned responses imprinted since childhood which act on my behalf while in the meantime I am nowhere to be found. Still I manage to catch myself in moments and stop myself and become more aware of what I am actually doing and where I am participating within my reality – bringing myself back to reality so to speak. That means that I am bringing myself back to the physical reality out of the mind reality. In my mind there is alternate reality that I exist in and as which is mostly secret reality that I hide from others and where I hold my believes, thoughts, ideas, judgments about other people, anger towards other people, spitefulness towards them etc. And then within that I can see that other people exist in the same way – where what we present to each other doesn’t match at all what is inside of us. So “life” is lived as a bipolar disorder – life is really sick. Thus what I am doing with my life? Is that I am trying to heal it.

Then another question relevant to ask here is “what is the cure for this disease?” I mean we as human have tried many methods to solve our problems, yet so far we failed miserably. Love didn’t work, positivity made things much worse, free choice allowed to freely abuse the world etc. And so I have also tried my ways to escape myself but each time I was brought down to my knees to seek another way. And so I went like that deducting all my possibilities until finally only one option remains and, which, I realize now is the only way to heal myself and this reality – first of all is of course admitting to myself that I am actually very sick, I mean we heard that a lot from different specialists, especially in cases of addictions where the first step in curing the addiction is admitting that we are addicted. So we have to admit that this world is in a very bad condition and that we are far from doing well in ourselves as well. I mean this world simply speaking is a reflection of how we exist inside of us. And if there exist a believe that “my life has nothing to do with the world around me” I mean it’s just a temporary hallucination that will be healed in time when time will prove otherwise. So after we have these realizations settled, the next step towards the cure is the realization that the disease has to be brought to attention, has to be exposed in all its “beauty”. Within this I find myself still very reluctant to really look at it as it is so fucking very nasty that it takes real courage to finally do it. And I am in the process of training myself to look at all of me without judgment as it is the condition that gives access to more and more nastiness to be revealed. Gladly I have tools of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application that I utilize and thus work on myself slowly but surely getting to know more and more of myself. It’s not easy and I can see that I have barely started my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it’s the end of the “road” where all solutions and escape mechanism have been tried and what’s remaining is actual facing of self within all aspects of self where within that I really tried to deny the “bad” parts of me trying to ignore them and thus remove from my existence not realizing that they were always here and they were just growing and flourishing because of my denial

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I grow and project myself only as positivity my negative will be conquered – which is as stupid as participating in charities within the believe that it will remove poverty without realizing that the problem is at the fundamental level where we live within the believe that we are separate from each other – thus equalization of self to all parts of existence within realization that we ARE actually one and equal to everything and everyone is the only valid answer to our problems

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am separate from everything and everyone else and that my actions somehow have no effect on the whole where within that I believe in my free choice and my right to personal happiness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste my life on useless attempts to make my life all right by remaining positive and trying to balance my thoughts, feelings and emotions without realizing that the polar mind itself is a problem and can never remain stable in one place but has to constantly move from positive to negative thus keeping this whole abusive system in place

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to consider anything beyond the mind reality as it is the only thing I have ever known and so I have put all my trust into it never questioning who I am without it

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I fear losing my mind as all the relationships that I have created, categorized, defined to/towards other parts of existence where I believe that by losing these relationships I will lose myself without realizing that these relationships are in fact limiting me from the realization that I am one and equal to all that is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will lose my individuality if I will realize my equality and oneness with everything and everyone not realizing that this is only expansion of my individuality that will include everything and everyone

Thus I commit myself to live my life in a way where I let go of my personal self-interest and start considering everything and everyone within realization that who I am now is just my accepted and allowed separation which I have the ability to stop and within that I expand myself through my actions that prove my consideration and caring for all as myself

I commit myself to stop all believes that somehow my personal life is special and more important than any other life on this earth within realization that this is simply delusional

I commit myself to  expose the destructiveness of the believe in free choice and the idea of “my life” by showing that it is exactly what caused all the problems in this world thus we must bring all “my live’s” back together into LIFE

Other suggest readings:

Day 30: The Decision

Day 27: It’s always only been me

Day 12 – What is Real Love

Very Supportive Interviews:

Day 32: Wishing Happiness

 

Today is my birthday and I received many congratulations from different people. Most are wishing me personal happiness and realization of my dreams. And I mean people do that all the time, they just wish each other to be happy and live life the way they want it to live. Isn’t that stupid, I mean most people don’t even know me well and have no clue what my dreams and wishes are and they still wish the fulfillment of them. I also used to do that all the time – wish people to the best realizations of dreams without ever considering if these dreams are what’s best for them and whether it is also what’s best for all on this earth. Throughout my life I have never considered the interconnectedness of everything and everyone where each word and deed of someone influences everything else.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish everyone on their birthdays the fulfillment of their dreams and personal happiness without realizing that if personal happiness does not include everything and everyone in existence then it is within separation from the whole and thus when I wish a person the fulfillment of their personal happiness I actually wish them to remain in separation from everything and everyone else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that our personal wishes/wants/needs/desires made the world the way it is because we have never considered that we all exist here together and that our personal wishes/wants/needs/desires should be in alignment with everything and everyone in existence and thus our happiness actually depends on the happiness of all

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that existing only within my own personal happiness when majority suffer is actually an indication that I have separated myself into a limited bubble that I call my “life” where I still experience beneath this happiness eternal itch showing that something is not right where I constantly seek for more and more not realizing that I am actually seeking myself as the realization that I am equal and one to everything and everyone in this existence

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to let go of my good feelings and happiness that separate me from all of existence because if I let these feelings I will realize that truth of myself that is reflected in this world as it has become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing the totality of me because it is not beautiful and it doesn’t feel good and thus within that I choose to remain contained in my personal bubble where I am “safe” from what is actually happening

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I wish other people personal happiness only because I want to be happy myself without actually considering the consequences that this allowance brings to the rest of the world

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that this world system exist in polarity of good and bad, and thus if I choose and have the power to give myself and hold on to only good feelings – the negative side is also equally manifested somewhere and someone has to experience that negative side, exactly like the money system of this world where if I take more and more money for myself then somebody will experience lack and poverty

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the only reason I can experience good feelings and create my personal happiness is because I was born in a family that provided me with education and money to sustain this lifestyle and thus if I were born in the family that is poor I would not be able to create my happiness bubble and fulfill my dreams – thus within that I realize that my responsibility as the one who has means is to create equality where each child that is born into this world has equal opportunity to have a happy and fulfilling life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the cries of the unfortunate ones because of my believe that my happiness is my unquestionable right given to me in birth – which shows my complete lack of understanding about the functionality of this system and within that the fact that my personal happiness is only possible because of unhappiness of others as it is energy based and which is only able to move in polarities – which means that for happiness to exist unhappiness must also exist and thus if I choose to be happy then I am responsible for all the unhappiness in this world

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the only happiness that is valid in this world is happiness that is given to all equally where no polarity can exist

 

Thus I commit myself to never allow within myself the feeling of happiness until all are equally able to experience the same happiness

I commit myself to expose our personal existence as our wants needs and desires and how they influence this reality

I commit myself to show to people that only way to be happy is when every single being in this existence is taken care of and where fear is no longer our companion

I commit myself to work towards an implementation of a new system that considers everything and everyone thus ensuring equal happiness of all which is the real happiness

I commit myself to expose our current accepted happiness by showing that it’s not real, especially when we look closely inside ourselves we can see that there is really no happiness in this world at all as everyone exists in constant fear of loss within knowing that this system is merciless and is able to spit anyone anytime

I commit myself to be an example that we don’t really need happiness as it exists now as it is temporary thing that is energy based where as soon as energy runs out we go back to our usual state where we again try and build that same feeling of happiness never considering the consequences of these actions

I commit myself to show and expose the consequences of seeking personal happiness and within that show as an example that we do not require the feeling of happiness to have fulfilling lives

I commit myself to stop all energetic highs as feeling of happiness and thus stop all lows as lack of energy that is experienced as depression/sadness where I realize that simply being here stable as the simplicity of breath is much more satisfying and its actually what we have been always seeking but we confused ourselves by believing that energy is the way to go

 

 

Artwork byAnna Brix Thomsen

 

Further reading:

Day 2: Happiness and Me

 

 

Day 9: Fear Of Sharing

For a long time I didn’t have internet access here at work (on the platform) and because of that I was feeling very separated/isolated from what is happening in the process. I tried to look for solutions but I wasn’t actually moving myself but existed simply as a whiner with perfect justification not to apply myself. Since I visited Desteni Farm and got some shit sorted out and upon coming back I immediately sorted this limitation and now each day I come after work to an office where I connect my computer and use it till late night. However, since my new privilege, there was a point that was existing in the background of my mind that I was feeding with occasional thoughts and which today yielded the first fruit.

The point of sharing. The fact is that here are some more people that would like to have this privilege and enjoy internet access as I do, however I kept quiet and didn’t tell people about it in fear that I will lose my access or it will be greatly reduced. So from being rather active voice in the campaign to establish internet access for all people on this platform I went into silence. My personal interest was satisfied.

Here is a quote I found to assist me in this:

Life was taken and forged into One law for All equally, which is Equality and Oneness as what is Best for All Life Always. Unless One Individually take this Law and Live it as the Evidence that You Give Life to All Equally Even in a Limited System, You will Never Be Life. How Can one expect to Be Life Eternal if You Cannot Even Give Life to All with you in Limitation when you Are All Equally in Limitation. And as You Give you Will Receive! Give Life to All and you will Receive Life as You Have Given – Equally! –Bernard Poolman

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look only for my own self-interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to claim that I want to give life for all while my actions show a different picture

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that fear is able to exist only where self-interest exists

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the limited system where i believe that only some can have and some cannot because there is not enough and thus within that I hold dearly onto my position as the one who has within the fear that I might become one of those who don’t have

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that all people that have money in their pocket exist within the same pattern where they believe in this limited system and thus will do anything to protect this system and their position within it never giving a second thought about those who are not so lucky, at least not until their luck runs out

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to deny other people having the same access to internet as I have out of my fear to lose it  where I justify my actions as I need it more than they do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within my beLIEfs of limitation where I trusted my mind with its reasoning

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that my reality will not change/expand if I allow my mind to make decisions for me that are based on survival and keeping the status quo just because at the moment all works fine for me, so why challenge the system that “works”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate the process that I am walking from myself here as if it’s something that is happening out there instead of realizing that any change starts with me here in my immediate environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to claim that I want to help beings that are suffering in faraway corners of the world while I ignore my immediate environment allowing my brothers to suffer silently in their inner mind reality where I do nothing to support them out of fear to lose what I have

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that my support can be brought by simple practical examples and suggestions where I don’t necessarily have to give all the details about the process which possibly could compromise my job position but that I am perfectly able to work on practical support where I share my realizations about the workings of the system and the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it’s either I share all or nothing not realizing that every word I speak is influencing the reality around me and thus I trust myself that I can find words to assist my fellow beings by bringing them closer to understanding about the mind reality where within that they will be able eventually to build their own common sense understanding

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that by giving I receive, by sharing I expand, by showing I learn, by directing I direct myself

I commit to myself to work on my fears and self-doubts in regards to sharing myself to other fellow beings within realization that sharing must be with consideration about the environment I find myself in as well as the beings with whom I am sharing myself where I see exactly where they are within their process and what I can do to remove a stone from their path

I commit myself to become a better observer of myself where every time I catch myself existing in self-interest where I consider only my own process and support that I can get, I correct myself as within the principle of sharing myself with other beings where I look at what I can give

When and as I am faced with my fear of sharing myself I stop and I breathe – I do not allow my mind to make decisions for me but I direct myself according to what’s best for all in this situation

I commit myself to start paying more attention to my fellow beings with whom I spend a lot of time together where I push myself to get to know them intimately and within that see how can I support them as I would like to be supported if I were in their place

Artwork By Ann Van Den Broeck