Day 301: Back to Self-Acceptance

It’s been a while since my last blog because I cleverly managed to convince myself that it’s ok to take some time off from writing and focus on other stuff. That other stuff was “preparing for tomorrow” but it never came so I finally realize that today is the day that I have to get back to this awesome habit of writing, expressing and sharing myself. I can see now the consequence of not doing this – i spend way more time in the mind trying to think what to write instead of simply sharing me as i am.

When i look why this big hesitation to share myself i see that – well the thing is i don‘t really like myself and only recently i saw a glimpse of how much judgment i have suppressed within me, towards me and towards others. This i came to realize by waking up to the fact that judgment became the primary point i was seeing in others and also became quite reactive to it (red flag). I remember the words of Bernard Poolman: “you become that which you see in others“. So yes i found that I was hiding from myself in plain sight while actually knowing this whole time the reality of me but just not really wanting to admit it and still holding onto the belief that tomorrow I will find a solution.

So, again, there is no tomorrow, and I made an agreement with myself to start one step at a time, however small it is.