Day 293: Being in Agreement with Myself that Change is Required

3370319232_7fec3969d0I have a blocked nose, some head and eye pain for a few days now which most likely at this point is due to environmental factors such as wind, heat and cold of which I have plenty here. I speculate that my movement in terms of accepting a new position/responsibility at work which required of me to break quite a few deep character patterns has in a way weakened my established constitution thus making me more susceptible to outside influences.

I can still experience a sort of battle within me where the old and the new meet. I have decided within myself that I will no longer procrastinate and wait for changes to happen but that I will take initiative and go with the decisions that empower me. The past, as my thoughts of fear, anxiety, insecurity, laziness and also desires to indulge in positive energy experiences are still coming up where in this I am standing with my decision in front of me and I refuse to follow my old patterns and I refuse to succumb to the influences which were producing only the negative consequences very well proven in time.

I accept those fears, the anxieties, and the desires realizing that they have been a part of me for a very long time and thus it will take some time to transform that. I do not resist or judge those parts of me but I support myself by giving myself the credit for making the small steps to stand. The saying that later is better than never is cool. So all parts of me are here and we all walk hand in hand realizing that the change is necessary and that what we are doing is for the better.

Now in terms of this transition from the old into the new I found the aphorism made by the founder of homeopathy Samuel Hahnemann very supportive. Even though he speaks about the role of a physician when dealing with a disease still we can view it from the perspective of us being our own physicians who are dealing with our dis-ease that was preventing us to live truly fulfilling lives:

“The highest ideal of cure is rapid, gentle and permanent restoration of the health, or removal and annihilation of the disease in its whole extent, in the shortest, most reliable, and most harmless way, on easily comprehensible principles.

Even though the reality is often different and we experience quite a turmoil when dealing with change the above point can serve as a guideline towards which we can strive by perfecting ourselves each time we face the challenges of change from a dis-eased state into a healthier one.

Now in terms of “comprehensible principles” mentioned in the text here I would like to mention one of them which was and is extremely supportive for me at this point in time on this journey of change. That is the point of judgment – of Self and others. And that is because I am noticing that, at least in the beginning, I am making a lot of mistakes. In the past this would have stopped me and I would have fallen back into my usual self-limiting patterns where I feel comfortable and where I would not push myself nor expand nor try new things. Now by dealing with this fear of failure, and again by using another useful principle of writing and investigating myself, I can accept the fuck-ups I make and just move on. It’s truly liberating. Try it!!! And another interesting thing is that once I started supporting myself in this and removing the self-judgments, the others around me also started supporting me and giving a thumbs up, even when I did some really ridiculous mistakes lol. So I am really grateful to many people in my reality for standing as that support in those moments when I really needed it. That gives great motivation to go on and be the same for others

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Day 287: Understanding and Living by the Principle of What is Best for All – Part 2

Here I am continuing from my previous blog where I was writing about my understanding and living application of the principle – What’s Best for All.

sam_0624So what does it really mean to live this principle in a practical way? For myself I have observed that the best and most practical way to start living this principle is right here in my immediate environment with the small, everyday things, yet at the same time being able to look further and direct and create my life to have a satisfactory future in which again the principle of what’s best for all would be reflected.

One of the first things that I needed to correct in my behavior was the pace, the speed at which I was living my life, meaning that I had to really slow myself down and thus become more aware of what I was doing and how I was moving in my reality, how I was making decisions, interacting with people etc. Whenever I would lose that awareness I could see how my decisions and all my actions would arise automatically from my preprogrammed mind. This automated behavior simply means that I would act and do everything in a way how I was taught by my parents, how I was taught in my school, and as I have explained in my previous blog the knowledge we are currently taught within all such institutions and from each other has created the present condition of this world where most are poor and suffering and only minority can enjoy this reality in abundance and we are taught to just accept that as being a natural part of life, when it is not actually cast in stone.

So in order to start living according to the principle what’s best for all I had to become aware of the knowledge that was imprinted into me throughout the years and change this preprogramming into self-aware actions where I now have to consciously look and consider the best physical practical ways to go about my days. So this is a process that I am walking and through being patient with myself, allowing myself to make mistakes I slowly change.

If I look back at my life I can see how erratic my behavior used to be where I was acting mostly based on my feelings and emotions that would come up randomly without me understanding how that is generated in my mind . I would never give myself the time of day to stop for a moment and reflect on why, for example, I feel what I feel, or why do I experience the rush of emotions that make me act in ways that I would have regrets about later on. In this I found the importance to have my own time, mostly the evenings, where I sit down and look at my day and reflect on all the significant events that happened and who I was within them. It was interesting to see, initially, that I, as awareness, wasn’t really there and that all the events were simply unfolding based on the years of accumulated knowledge, or simply speaking the systematic preprogramming of how to act in each and every situation and this is what played out day in and day out.

Now with awareness and principled living the life story changes and it’s no longer just a program playing out but I step into the picture to interfere and make some changes in the programming. As I have explained above the tool of consciously slowing myself down was and is very effective, where even though sometimes I do miss some moments and blindly follow my emotions, I am now mostly able to make a choice and say to myself that I refuse to go into the chaos of the mind and in this make a choice/a decision that is not reactive but self-directed, where my guideline of action is the principle of what is best for all.

In my next blog I will continue with the same principle where I want to discuss the morality aspect of it and how and why living according to this principle many in our society would term as negative or unacceptable behavior

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Day 132: DESTENI Character – Self-Forgiveness / Commitments (Part2)

 

Backchat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the backchat within me that was fueling self-interest and self-glorification in regards to me being a part of Desteni group where I perceived myself to be a better human being and so separating myself from the rest of humanity into my alternative mind creation of superiority and thus making myself completely ineffective member of society with no ability to stand equal to others and thus make any practical change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for weaknesses in the actions of Desteni group members so that I could elevate myself into a “safe” position within the group believing I am better/superior and thus a worthy member- within that not realizing that having any type of judgment/backchat about another completely invalidates my position as a worthy member of group that is walking a path of stopping all relationships that do not support the life on earth and who work to create a new path based on self-honesty at all times

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep my backchat hidden and well protected from others within the believe that in some cases my backchat is justified – not seeing, realizing and understanding within that how I am actually suppressing myself and so accumulate the fear of expressing myself in any way because I fear that my backchat will start seeping through my actions – so I have to remain in control at all times and defend who I believe I am as the character of the mind system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that most of my backchat comes because of lack of physical actions where through observing others moving physically and doing necessary tasks in physical reality I start comparing and judging myself as less than and so as a counter reactive action I begin the backchat session within me to uplift myself and feel better about myself and so become worthy in my eyes – so within this I commit myself to make sure that I move myself actually, physically in my world and my reality where I get to know the actual physical relationships that exist here, I get to know my reality as it is and so within that see the necessary solutions that I could contribute as an equal member of the group that is actually/physically working to bring a change

 

Reactions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to other destonians when and as they perform physical actions that are met with approval by others where within that I start comparing myself and experiencing jealousy towards them and so I begin to asses my own situation/position within the group in terms of my contributions trying to find something so that I could still call myself a destonian in fear of falling out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my responsibility for life and act from the realization that I have to move for myself as myself instead of being driven by my mind to sustain my ideas of who I am as a destonian character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for not doing and participating within all group activities within that not realizing that the guilt trip that I am taking myself into is making me even more ineffective and thus more guilt is experienced

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that any reaction within me is revealing that I am already accessing a character within myself where as shown above this reactive experience is fueling that character even more to the point where I believe it is real, it’s who I am instead of realizing the uselessness of participating in these reactions and making immediate decision to stand up within myself and apply immediate correction

I commit myself to watch closely all energetic movements within my body as various reactions where I become able to identify what it is that I am fueling through these reactions that I experience within me and from here make sure that I do no waste my time anymore in my mind but return to physical reality by practicing to remain here in and as my breath where I correct my living application in most practical ways

 

Day 44: How I live Responsibility

Within this blog I am looking at the word responsibility and how I am living it currently, what definitions, values I have attached to it and in the end to correct my living expression of this word so that it would reflect a new direction that is best for all

REDEFINING THE WORD: Responsibility

  1. Gathering Information
  • establishing self’s allocation point – I always projected this word into the future where I believed it’s something for the grown-ups. Whenever faced with responsibility I would experience anxiety and would be lost within myself not knowing what to do and within that try and direct it towards someone else. Basically I existed in constant avoidance of any type of responsibility until much later where my perception reversed and I saw that by taking/living responsibility I am the one who make decisions and do not exist as mere follower and thus I am free.  Yet I never saw that as a real freedom because responsibility to me also meant commitment to someone or something ,which I perceived as a limitation on my “free soul”
  • dictionary definition

responsibility /rspnsblti/ n. M18. [f. next + -ITY.]

1 A charge, trust, or duty, for which one is responsible; a person for whom or thing for which one is responsible. M18.

2 The state or fact of being responsible; the opportunity or necessity to be responsible. Foll. by for, of. L18.[1]

  • sounding the word – Responsibility

re sponge ability – where on comes into this world an sucks like a sponge all the knowledge and information taking it for granted without questioning it and where one then ensures that this knowledge and information is kept as it is and the rules/agreements based on this knowledge are honored and followed – then one is a responsible being

  1. Investigating the information of the word that has been gathered

Determining whether the definition within the different aspects that I have gathered as information of the word, carry a polarity charge (is it made ‘good’/’positive’ or ‘bad’/’negative’)?

My own personal experience with this word

As a child I was never really introduced to this word because my actions naturally were pretty much aligned with what was required of me to be done so in that sense I was never told that I have any responsibilities. My first encounter with responsibility was when I managed, through much effort, to convince my mother to get me a dog where I promised her that he will be purely my responsibility and there will be no burden on anyone else. After my first day of having a dog I realized what a grave mistake I have made and luckily for me I could give him away to my grandmother’s house and that’s what I did the same or maybe the next day. So that was a negative experience  within which I perceived that by being responsible for someone else, especially such a dependent being, I am losing completely my freedom and there was this fear that I will no longer be able to do the things that I like. It was a burden for me. Since then I avoided situations like that and basically enjoyed my freedom until much later were I was growing older and coming to the point where I had to go out into the system and take care for myself where again I had a big resistance because of the perception that I am losing my freedom to simply be and enjoy myself. Yet I could see that I was becoming a burden to my mother by not taking responsibility for myself.  When I finally moved myself to get out and find myself a job I started noticing that taking responsibility is imperative for being successful within the world system and it became a point I desired because without responsibility I was a mere follower of those who took upon themselves more responsibility. Thus I perceived not having/living responsibility to be a loss of freedom where I am not in control of my experiences. So basically my view of the word has reversed from where I saw that having responsibility was impediment to my freedom to the realization that not having responsibility was a real hindrance to be free.  Still I had lots of resistance to become responsible as per my definition of committing myself to become something within this world system where within that I could never perceive myself being committed and bound to some specific area where I believed I have to give myself away and climb the damned ladder of success. So basically the word responsibility was always negatively charged throughout my life experience.

Self-Forgiveness on the word

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear responsibility within the believe that if I become a responsible being I will lose my freedom and no longer be able to do what I want

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that who I am now is a manifestation that is emerging from the starting point of separation and thus everything I do and say supports separation which means that I cannot do “freely” what I want but instead I have to take self-responsibility in establishing myself within the directive principle of living what’s best for all within realization that I am not separate from anyone or anything else but am one and equal to all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that there is no freedom in pursuing my own happiness and that no happiness is possible until all as one and equal are supported in having fulfilling lives here on earth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that responsibility can be extended beyond this accepted system where I take responsibility in changing what is here as myself and as this reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what is here as this system is unchangeable and there is just no way I can make any impact thus there is no point in taking responsibility

3. New definition

Responsibility is to be accountable for every word and deed where no excuse or justification exists. It’s also the commitment to educate myself on all aspects of this existence to thus develop the ability to respond (response ability) to each situation that I face in the most practical common sense way that is in alignment with the principle of what’s best for all.  It’s not to fear responsibility and the possible mistakes but to actually move myself  in self-trust and be willing to really stand up no matter what and take responsibility in bringing a new world that will free all life.

Self-corrective statements in how I practically will walk responsibility

I commit myself to approach responsibility practically where I asses in common sense how much responsibility I am actually able to handle so that I do not go into an idea of myself and what I should be able to do

I commit myself to first start taking responsibility for myself, my thoughts, inner conversations, my immediate environment where within that I prove to myself that I can stand stable  within me and my immediate environment and then from here I can slowly expand taking  more and more responsibility

I commit myself to stop any and all experiences of wanting more than I can handle where within that I first stand in complete clarity within myself and my immediate environment

I commit myself grow and expand from the smallest points that need attention in me and my immediate environment where I make sure that I am satisfied with how I deal with the points in utmost specificity and where its physically proven to be effective

The Process of how to  Redefine Words:

Day 40: Getting to Know All of Me

 

 

I am continuing with self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements on yesterday’s blog

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a lifestyle free from basic responsibilities that I have to perform within my daily participation in this reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive my daily responsibilities like feeding myself, making sure my space around me is clean, making sure I have clean clothes to wear, I have clean sheets to sleep on etc. to be a nuisance and distraction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that by resisting and neglecting these responsibilities I separate myself from physical reality where at the currently these actions are real actions that are required to sustain my living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea of my preferred lifestyle instead of having a practical lifestyle that is in alignment with current physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be more focused on my mind reality instead of realizing that who I am as flesh is the actual truth of me and my awareness should be at all times focused on who I am as the flesh of the earth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give preference to my mind reality not realizing that the physical is of primary importance as it is the life giver to everything else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my physical reality by giving more attention to my mind where I create ideas/concepts/perceptions/believes about what reality/life is and within that I see physical reality as too limited and thus I want to escape this limitation by creating alternate reality in my mind, not realizing that whatever I do I am still dependent on the wellbeing of my physical body and every time when I neglect my physical state my mind reality shatters reminding me who is really in control here

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that it’s exactly what happened in our world where we as all of humanity placed all the importance on satisfying our alternate mind realities which are based on separation/greed/wanting more and more and where within that we imposed our will onto physical reality ignoring completely the sustainability of resources needed to maintain our lives

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stop all ideas about what life is/should be and look at what is here within childlike simplicity – we all come from the dust of the earth and when we die we again return to earth thus it is obvious that we are earthlings and thus we must act accordingly by honoring all equally as everything that is here is made from the same dust of the earth only manifested in different forms, it’s only in our mind that we give values to these forms making some more important and some less important thus creating inequality consequently creating abuse and suffering for most on this earth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to realize that the only way that I can spend more time in my mind reality where all my basic physical responsibilities are taken care for me is because I have money and thus can exploit those who have to do the dirty work for me and thus I can remain in my illusions of the mind avoiding to face the actual physical reality and what are the required functions to sustain its wellbeing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the abusive money system which makes it possible for some to experience only the good side of life while others have to be slaves and do only the hard work

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stand equal to the totality of this physical reality because through using money I have chosen to remain on the positive side and avoid the negative

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to completely ignorant about the actual functionality of this physical reality because through having access to money I have avoided to look at the negative side of life thus believing that this world is ok

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from the totality of this existence with money where I can remain focused only on things that give an easy life without having to worry about the truth of what makes my existence here possible – I am not aware of where my food comes from, where and how my clothes are made, what makes my car run and what is the actual price of that joy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to my current lifestyle for granted where I never question how this is all possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only take take and take by fully justifying that with paying money for the things I get as if it the money is real not realizing that all things are valued unequally not according to life but according to the delusional ideas/values of self-interested human mind – where for example with the money I get for one hour of easy work I can buy in some place twenty pieces of bread that took many hours of labour to be produced

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a money system that is unequal and exploits most people in the world who support the happy lifestyle of a few just because this system was working for me and ensured that my needs are met

 

I commit myself to get to know my physical existence in its totality – to educate myself on how food, clothes etc. appear in the shelves of the shopping malls where within this I become aware of what I am actually allowing through participating in and supporting this money system

I commit myself to become a responsible human being that understands how my living on this earth is possible and what it entails in totality

I commit myself work towards a system of equality where the option to abuse others for self-interest no longer is a possibility

I commit myself to bring awareness to people about the destructive nature of current money system where I expose the cruelties that this system allows and how we are all supporting that through our actions or inactions

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