Day 300: Living the Word CARE

Care_MONOI was focused on this Word for some time now and it took me a while to start understanding how to start incorporating it into my own living. I was observing people in my immediate environment to see how they live this word and surely I found some good examples of moments when the word care was lived. From what I observed such moments are mostly expressed within the parent and child relationship, but not always of course, as we know that parenting is not an easy thing and there are many challenging moments in this relationship. Still I have seen so many moments where parents go out of their way to care/tend for their children. Especially when the child is still a baby and needs all the attention all the time. I once was asked to tend to a small baby for a few hours and that was more than enough for me showing again that being a mother is a tremendous job and probably the best school to learn what it means to care for another. In that relationship your personal wants and needs come last after making sure that the baby is fully taken care of. This takes away a lot of what we call “freedom” to do the things to which one was used to throughout their life and that requires a big change and adjustment.

So these where the best examples of what it means to care about and for others, yet I needed something more practical for myself because I wanted to apply this word in my own world with the people I meet on daily basis. I found soon that one important thing to do was to learn to really listen. This is not as easy as it sounds because the mind chatter, the constant self-absorption in my own thoughts was prominent and required a process of learning to slow down within myself which I am still busy with by constantly reminding myself throughout the day to do that. I even asked a few of my friends to assist me by reminding me and use the words “slow down” whenever they see I am getting into a rushing mind state. That works pretty well and we have a frequent laugh about it.

So this brings me one step closer to being able to live the word care and I could definitely notice the difference in my interactions which became much more enjoyable. I became much less judgmental towards people because I could hear and see them better, I started getting small glimpses into who they are and where they come from and essentially why they are the way they are. And I mean people also respond better when a guy next to them is not lost somewhere in his own mind thinking but is able to participate in the conversation with some sense.

Another interesting point I have seen during this time is how CARE must be practiced and applied with awareness in various situations because there are certain moments to which we are so used of doing them in a certain way that we don’t even consider placing/incorporating CARE into them. Let me give an example: I went with a group of friends to play some basketball and as per usual we got ourselves into different teams and began this competitive game. Most of the guys that played there I have never met before and it’s also been a while since I last played which made me put some extra effort into the game. I noticed that the friend I came with was not a good player which made me feel good knowing that I am not the worst player there. Once the game started my friend struggled a lot with his play because, as we have found later, he judged himself to the extreme for being unable to participate with others equally and where in the end he has hurt his finger pretty badly with a ball which, as we realized later as well, was his own creation in order to, by any means, escape this uncomfortable experience. Now you see how many times I have used the word later because during the game I was not consciously aware of any of this and only by looking back I was able to see my absolute self-absorption into my own performance disregarding everything and everyone else. I means it was a competitive game and thus it seems there is no place for CARE in it. This was a good lesson and I am glad that my friend managed to open this point of intense anger and self-judgment towards himself in relation to the game, which I presume assisted his body to deal more effectively with the trauma that he experienced. Still prevention is of course much better way to go and could have been achieved if the word CARE was incorporated into those competitive games as a principle from the very beginning.

So it’s definitely a process to take a word and learn to live it in a variety of situations and also on all LEVELS, because if we take the word CARE it’s much easier to live it towards our loved ones whom we know more intimately, yet when it comes to those far away we are no longer able to relate or connect in any way, yet all our actions and decisions on individual and collective level ripples around the globe and creates the reality that we know. It’s rather obvious that our creation needs some adjustment so let’s do it word by word to make a better world.

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Day 59: Honor Your Body

When I was in my teen years and when I was seriously doing sports the older guys would warn us youngsters occasionally to take it a bit easier with the pressures we put on our physical bodies, they kept saying how the traumas of the past catch up with them and what pains they cause in the present. It’s amazing how when being young and vigorous I did not hear these warnings; I simply enjoyed my strength, my quick healing abilities and believed it will last forever, I believed that somehow I am different, special and whatever they talk about does not apply to me. I mean some older guys even told me that they had the same believes and now they are living the consequences. Still that wasn’t enough to penetrate my defenses and I kept my lifestyle as it is. In my younger years I did wrestling and there I had many accidents where I broke my bones a couple of times, tore apart a few ligaments on my legs which do not have the ability to heal themselves, broke my rib, had multiple strains and many other smaller injuries – so basically I didn’t give a fuck about my body in any way whatsoever, on the contrary I was even proud of myself because of the number of injuries I had, where people would laugh at me for how crazy I am and medical professionals would greet me every time on my routine visits. I was proud at the speed I was able to heal myself and get back to the wrestling ground. I mean, even when I was apparently healed and well I would have these involuntary switch offs where my leg would simply disconnect and I would fall down, yet still within that my only reaction was a smile on my face where I considered these events really cool. I would tell my friends about it and we would have a laugh together, that’s it. The level of arrogance and disregard for my physical body was extreme to say the least.

It’s interesting how I developed this personality of always being physically traumatized where after a while it grew to such an extent that almost every second training session I would get some kind of injury. When I look at it I see that it served me  a couple of purposes at the time – where one was all the attention I was getting and another was the excuse to not participate in competitions, which I truly hated. As a rule, before the competitions, I would get some kind of injury thus freeing myself from participation, with great satisfaction I might add. The whole preparation period for the competitions was making me really anxious where I would slowly build this emotion of anxiety within me to the point where I would get the injury and that would then release all this compounded energy. At that time  the option to simply tell my coach that I do not want to participate in competition somehow didn’t exist within me because this “weakness” was unacceptable for a male in my culture. The pressure and expectations that were placed on us was huge, especially if you were one of the leading figures within the group of athletes. So getting injuries to skip competitions was my only way to escape which at that time I could conceive. And I became very good at it. However never realizing at what cost I was doing it.

So it’s really amazing how we as humans underestimate the health of our physical bodies where we blindly build various personalities through which we harm ourselves as our bodies never realizing that our body should be total priority as it makes the experience of all these personalities possible in the first place. At the moment priority is given to our feelings, desires, wants and needs while failing to realize that all of that is useless if the body becomes disabled. In our minds we became separated from our bodies and usually we miss all the many signs and calls that the body is showing us, asking for attention. The separation is to such an extent that the call is usually heard when it’s already too late. There are great many stories of regret from people who faced already the consequences of what they have allowed in separation from their physicality. They have already realized the uselessness of all wants and dreams and desires for achievement when the one thing that matters is disabled and sick to the point where there is no way back. And they try to speak up and warn those who still believe, as I did, that this doesn’t apply to us and we are somehow protected from such faith. Yet the thief comes at night when you least expect him and he robs you of the one thing that truly matters. This thief is our mind, it steals the life substance of our bodies to turn it into alternate realities of happiness or love despite the actual needs and requirements of our physical, practical living here.

It’s enough to look at this world as our big body that we all share; we have completely ignored its needs in the pursuit of ideas as our ideals of what it means to live. Have we in any way created life that is worth living? – Surely not, all we have in this world is fake smiles pretending that what we did is OK, yet at nights, in the darkness when we are alone, we cry in pain, agony and fear not really understanding what is happening to us and how did we get here and what is the solution.

To be continued with self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements…

Artwork by Damian Ledesma

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Day 45: How can Love be Wrong?

 

Here I will look at my relationship with Love. To me it was quite obvious from the beginning that there is something wrong with Love and I asked myself and others in my world many times to explain me what is this thing Love, but every time I was getting different answers thus never really getting to any conclusion about it. As a child I remember we had this chewing gum for sale “what is love” and after unpacking the first layer you would always get these little drawings with some words in it explaining what is love – so there were many explanations about love – the guys must have busted off their asses to come up with such a variety of explanations perhaps never realizing that they are confusing the population and especially children with all this nonsense. From what I remember mostly it depicted the acts of pleasing another to be the expression of Love. So basically when I look back there is only confusion and uncertainty about Love as this supposedly all-encompassing presence. It was always here but it was never really grasped or understood within the minds of men.

So it’s time for Love to be exposed and actually defined so that we could take it to the court and determine its rightful place. Here we will be the judges that will decide if the thing called Love was of any worth to humanity or was it just a virus that was infiltrating people’s minds for some evil purposes.

In my later years during the time when I formed my first relationship I realized in a way what it is that people refer to as Love. It was a wonderful intoxication where everything in my world basically disappeared and where I was just falling in Love.  It was a constant blissful feeling, butterflies in the stomach and all that bullshit. When I looked back to that period in time and within seeing how I existed in relation to all other beings in my reality I was really ashamed of myself for allowing myself to be sooooo blind. Nothing else mattered for me but that feeling as well as my partner as she was the necessary part for me to be able to generate this feeling.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question love within the believe that something that is so good can’t be bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself blame and become angry with my family when they would comment on my obsessive behavior when I was in love

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have a full right to be in Love not seeing and realizing that within that I was not taking any responsibility for anything else but my own feelings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or consider other beings in my reality while being in love

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise all my other relationship that I had in my world just to hold on to the feeling of love

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become completely irresponsible, untrustworthy being because I placed my feeling of love above everything else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how much I was separated from my physical reality while being in love

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I was manipulating and forcing my partner to compromise her relationships so that I could ensure that she belongs only to me and that in this way I am certain to have my feeling of love secured

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that love is a feeling as the positive energy that can be sustained only for so long and that inevitably I will have to fall down from my fantasy world and face the reality of what I have allowed

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that to sustain the feeling of love I had to constantly generate energy and that this energy had to be extracted from my physical body thus sucking it dry just to maintain the alternate reality of love

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that love is the greatest tool used by those in control of this reality because beings that are in love are completely oblivious to what goes around them –thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the trap of controllers by falling in love

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall

 

I commit myself to expose the reality of what love is and thus manifest a structure of support to prevent as many falls as possible

I commit to place love in the same category as any other addictive drug and prove that it is so

I commit myself to challenge lovers and show how far they have separated themselves from what is here as this physical reality which in the meantime is completely ignored and disregarded when in fact it is single most important things upon which all is dependent

I commit myself to prove that we as humans to don’t actually have the right to experience love because to experience love one only takes and takes from this physical reality as the energy to sustain the feeling of love while in return giving nothing of real worth

I commit myself to show that there is no real love in this world just by showing the facts and numbers of how majority of human beings in this world exist while someone has the audacity to close themselves in the bubble of love and pretend that what happens in the world has nothing to do with them

I commit myself to show that the only valid form of love is physical practical care for another beings as oneself where no separation and limitation exists

 

More articles debunking the illusion of Love:

Day 44: In the Name of Love

Spirituality – ‘Love and Light’ is Drug Addiction – Day 43

 

Videos:

The Design of Love

Women of Desteni – The Search for LOVE, Family and Children

Definition of Love

 

Day 14: My Relationship was a Factory of Energy Production

A few nights ago I had a dream of which the details I cannot recall, yet the only point that is certain is that the main character participating together with me within some kind of adventures in the dream was my ex-girlfriend. Even though my relationship ended almost around 8 or 9 years ago there are still occasional thoughts and memories coming up about her. That was my first and only serious long term relationship that I ever had. Since this relationship ended I never committed myself to go on the same “journey” again, as I didn’t like the emotional turmoil that such relationship involves. Either way this relationship is like my main platform from which arises the patterns of my sexual expression as well as all the patterns of communication and interactions within other intimate relationship that I formed throughout my life as well as my current agreement. So I see that it is crucial for me to disconnect the ties derived from the past where according to them I have defined myself and I still live that definition very much in my current agreement when I move and act in moments of unawareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep the past alive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the past within the believe that it was great

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that all the memories I have from the past are only positive memories within that I fool myself into believing that what I had was great

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that my past relationship was based only on self-interest where I never really cared for another being but simply was concerned what I can get from the relationship

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in the relationship just because of how my girlfriend looked while I had resistance to everything else she represented

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value only on picture presentation of another being where I allowed myself to be brainwashed by media where I programmed myself with the believes and ideas of what beautiful is and what should be strived for

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a winner when I got a girl that is considered beautiful by society and where I felt proud of myself for being the one that she chose

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself on the other hand to be ashamed of my girlfriend because she was not fitting the standards of intelligence that my mother has set

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry at my mother for telling me that my relationship was only short term and that it  won’t  last long even though I could see myself  that my relationship is only based on sex and energy which I knew can last only for so long

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lost within myself when after the energy ran out within the relationship I was left only with a being that was dependent on me and who having now served the purpose of making me happy was no longer necessary

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, understand and realize the nature of relationships and the consequences that manifested if I allow myself to be driven by energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to after the energy ran out within my relationship still keep the relationship going because of my inability to take responsibility and speak the truth instead I continued to drag the relationship where within that I attempted to create energy by manipulating my girlfriend where I would threaten to leave her thus making her cry which made me feel good as there was a supply of energy for the vampire that was me

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that I was abusing a being to satisfy my addiction to energy and I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear taking responsibility where I didn’t know how to stop the relationship to which I was also in a way addicted as I have defined myself through the experiences that we had together

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize the mechanics of consequences for participating in energy of the mind as seen clearly in my relationship where the initial excitement was fueling my mind consciences personality with new energy supply that I used to run my systems where the main ingredient within that is Pictures as moments turning to memories and in time I created the database which has defined who I am in relation to these pictures – suddenly when the energy runs out within the relationship I am fucked as the castle that I build can no longer be sustained because there is simply no more energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become fearful of relationships after my first relationship where I decided to not have any more long-term relationships again because I did not want to experience the fall out of Love again

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the real truth of me within the context of relationship was revealed after the energy ran out and I was standing there without energy trying to make decisions

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that in reality I was uncaring and ignorant energy addict who did not give a fuck about another being within a relationship if that another did not provide me with energy

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that being in love within a relationship is the same as having a well-functioning factory of energy production where the energy is used to fuel the idea of myself as who I want to be where who I want to be is completely based on my systematic programming from school, peers, family, media that is all in complete separation and ignorance of the actual reality

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that my ability to create this well-functioning factory of energy production is completely based on my position within the system as the money that is available and other circumstances and where I never considered that most people in this world have no access to these resources and thus are unable to experience “love”

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that by me forming this energy factory I am fueling not only my own personal mind system but also the total system where i ensure its continuation though energy supply not realizing that this systems is faulty in itself and is providing for only a few select beings while the rest suffer

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that it’s possible to have a relationship that is not based in energy but in real practical support and consideration of each other where through that I no longer support the system that is unequal in providing for all

Thus within that I commit myself to no longer participate and create relationships based on my happiness defined by the amount of energy I get to fuel who I think I am as well as this whole system but I commit to from now to remain stable, here, not requiring energy to move myself and where I consider the totality of this system and how it functions

I commit to stop using energy to fuel my mind bubble within realization that this mind bubble is only a constituent of the system that is abusive and unequal in nature thus I stop supporting it through stopping my participation in my thought/feelings/emotions and I work as a real practical being within realization that this system has to be changed and transformed into a system that supports all beings on earth equally by providing the resources of the earth for all as earth is giving these resources unconditionally for all so that all could enjoy our experience here

I commit to work on self-education on how to create relationship not based on energy and within that become an example for all lovers out there to show that fulfillment and real happiness is possible simply by caring about another without using them as energy extraction wells

I commit to stop the recreation of my past within my current relationships where I stop participation in my memories as if they are something to be valued within realization that I am only viewing the positive side of my past and do not consider the consequences that such actions bring

I commit myself to work on each memory that comes up within me where I identify the nature of the memory and within that I unleash myself from the memory so that I would be able to live here as a new being creating a new world with a new foundation within realization that all of the old has to go as it was never here to support all life

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Day 10: Trying To Cheat My Way Out

Today the feeling of being closed within myself is my director. Now when I am trying to see the point as the reason for this experience I find a lot of self-judgment where I perceive myself as not being effective, not applying myself specifically enough in my writings. I have been reading most of the blogs that people write and I fucked myself through comparison. While reading the blogs I am missing and wasting the immense support that they provide because all I do is I compare my own writings with each blog where I categorize them into better or worse, constantly trying to place myself where I stand. This definitely cannot continue like that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and continuously compare my writings/forgiveness statements to those of other people who are walking the process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly look for writings that I perceive are worse or equal to mine where that gives me a good feeling and hope that I am not yet lost

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even look for grammatical mistakes in people’s writings where even that provides me with a better feeling

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself that I am not able to see clearly the points, the dimension of the points  that I am writing about, which makes my writings of less quality and thus I believe that I am a loser

Yes I can see here the association with the word loser, yet I am not sure if I have this strong intensity towards myself as the word loser has, other, perhaps more suitable word could be – not good enough. I can see that this believe was already prominent at school where I was always hanging with the group of kids that didn’t give much attention to idea of education. I was more interested in other things outside the school, where I almost never bothered about homework or other school activities and so because of that my time that I spent at school was rather unpleasant as I would mostly be unprepared and had to always find ways to cheat myself out of many uncomfortable situations. All that created much inferiority within myself because I was most of the time clueless what was discussed in the class where while other kids participated, talked with teachers in the class, I mostly just remained silent hoping that no one will ask me anything about the things discussed. Even at that time I can already see myself existing in comparison towards others where I would become jealous of the guys that were participating in what was going on with understanding. I remember them having conversations about subjects that I could not grasp. That of course made me angry and jealous.

Also I see interesting point is that one of the reasons I wanted to be able to participate as equal was because I could see that the clever guys were getting more attention from the girls that I fancied. Thus here I would compare myself to them and within that see what I could offer that they couldn’t. Here I created a personality that was like a “bad boy” where I noticed that the girls have this pull towards crazy/wild/uncaring part that they missed by being constantly disciplined within their lives. So I found my niche where I could express myself and get what I wanted without doing the hard work. I became a cheater at school where homework was no more a problem – I mean I wasn’t completely useless, I could still hold a pen and copy the homework on my paper, from a trusted source of course. So simply speaking I never developed myself into someone who could participate in the school activities as equal. Yet with my alternative method I was still able to get through the school with average grades and later enroll to university and graduate it, in the exact same manner – cheating and manipulating others to assist me – all I had to do is form intimate relationships with those who helped where I made sure that they are fulfilled in my presence where I provided whatever was necessary. And I can’t really say that I was selfish within that as I did care at some level about people and never requested much of them and I still did some work myself.

So the question here is – do I still exist as that personality that believes that I can cheat my way through the process by not doing the hard work?

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cheat all the way through school where I have never bothered to learn anything and perceived all subjects as completely unnecessary and useless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret not pushing myself to become a better student in the past because it would have been much easier for me now

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that past is gone and I have to deal with the present as who I have shaped myself to be

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that there is no way to cheat myself out of this one and that I will have to actually sit down on my ass and do the work as all others

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that everything is different now – as what I am doing now is not useless and irrelevant but it’s the real deal – it’s no more about conforming to the system but it’s about realizing that I am a part/member of this system thus I am the system and thus I am the cause of the consequences that this system creates and within that it’s my responsibility to educate myself effectively and find ways how can I support this human journey out of misery  into a better place for all beings and thus for myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that I really have to stand up against my self-programmed design of myself as a cheater and free rider within this system within realization that I am still in/as this system participating with all equally in creating the mess – some do it through active participation and some, like me, through inactive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I personally don’t do any harm that means I am not responsible for the harm that this system creates while I still live/participate in this system using that which it provides for me – like different gadgets/foods/car parts/ etc. that are made and produced in third world countries through extensive abuse and neglect of resources and people’s labor.

So it’s really essential for me to realize that I am responsible for what is happening in this world and that I have to stop all the patterns of self-sabotage – like comparison, jealousy, self-judgments, desires and others that only serve as means to keep me stuck and thus ensures the world to remain as it is

Thus I commit myself to stop the self-sabotage that I create in the form of comparison while reading people’s blogs where I create inferiority towards them at the same time seeking for way to uplift myself thus existing in this constant friction of the mind where I create energy for my own enslavement

I commit myself to continue self-investigation and self-revelation to understand where my behavior patterns come from to thus enable myself to go back to the point of creation and dismantle the construct with full awareness of all dimensions of it

I commit myself to stop comparison of myself to other beings by realizing that process is not a competition where I have to win and prove something to others within the believe that this will ensure my survival in the system. This process for me is about becoming aware of how I exist as this limited personality constantly trying to survive even though my life and lives of other beings is complete hell where we alI exist within the same thought patterns that keep repeating over and over and over again and where there is no future in sight of having a normal life that ensures dignity and support for all beings in existence and within that awareness I stop all patterns that do not support life and create new ways of interaction that honor life one and equal

Artwork By Anna Brix Thomsen

Day 5: Positive Communication

I noticed very nauseating pattern that I exist in and as – where within communicating with other beings I go into positivity trying to cover the real issues at hand instead of having guts and speaking directly what I see in the moment. Usually I notice what I have done but it’s too late – I can only forgive myself, correct myself and make sure that never again I miss these moments to actually connect with another being, get in their shoes and walk together to solve patterns that are destructive.

I see this has a lot do with my uncertainty and doubt where I believe that I am never in a position to suggest anything to another because of the state that I am in myself as well as the fear of other people’s reactions. This self-belief is not valid and is used by me basically to avoid responsibility to take action. It’s obvious that with this attitude I will never get to know myself or others in depth but will only fuck around on the surface of the conscious mind personalities. The fear of others reactions is also not valid because when I point something to someone and if that that point is not the point then the person should not be influenced by it or have a reaction towards it because they know within themselves that this point that I am pointing is clear within them, however if reaction comes up that means there is a problem. Surely here what has to be considered is the approach where I make sure that I don’t come from the starting point of blame or judgment but that I am merely stating information clearly without any energetic projection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look only for my self-interest as keeping my good image about myself when facing a challenging situation where I use positivity to cover the real issues and thus I don’t take responsibility to bring problems of this reality into real practical solutions that requires courageous exposure and radical actions

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that solutions to this world cannot be overcome by avoiding them through positive attitude but that they must be faced head on where the real shit is uncovered no matter how uncomfortable that is and no matter what that will do to my image that I have about myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an image about myself where i am always smiling and positive and apparently being able to solve problems in a nice way while all the while I haven’t really assisted a single being with this kind of behavior

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am able to tell the bad news to people in humorous way but yet so far I haven’t been able to show this way anyone the seriousness of the problems that we all face

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going into unknown territory, meaning that I fear being straightforward with people in telling them exactly what I see, of course doing that without any emotional energetic projection, instead I always do what I always knew  – to try and make people see the points in a nice manner – however that just doesn’t work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a double faced deceiver within communicating with other people where within myself I have one train of thoughts that I speak inside myself and then there are actual words that I say and speak that do not reflect my inner reality

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that by wanting to assist people to see what they are participating within using my positive attitude I am actually doing more harm because when they exist in a “negative” state covering that with “positive” creates more friction that takes one even further away from facing the real problems

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so blind to the reality around me where  within participating in a moment with another being I can only see myself and consider only my self-interest and self-image  as proved by my positive attitude that I use to cover the real issues that must be brought up for an effective resolution

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that it is my responsibility to expose dishonesties that I see within another without in any way coloring the truth to make it look better than it really is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself from being so inconsiderate within communication with another instead of correcting myself and making sure that from now on I speak as a real being without any fear to make my hands dirty

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to trust myself being able to point out to another what I see they are doing that is causing their problems where I do not take time and care to place myself in their shoes to understand in totality what they are experiencing

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to take enough time to understand another beings position where I can later say to myself  that I did everything in my power to assist them – I realize that I am responsible for every single being I meet in my reality and thus I take all the time required to walk myself into perfection where I become as effective as possible in bringing realizations and the required change to myself and others as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear reaction that I might get from people if I point out to them what I see that they are doing that doesn’t support them where I do not realize that their reaction is an indication that the point is painful and thus requires support

Thus from now on I commit to myself that I will be more considerate within communicating to people where I place my full attention to the interaction making sure I understand every word being said

When and as I see myself fearing to be straightforward to people in communication I stop myself, I breathe – I clear my starting point where I make sure there is no blame/judgment or any other energetic projection and I talk in a straightforward manner placing my words with care and full consideration for another, the same way that I would like to be cared and considered myself

I commit myself to become a responsible being that is willing to support self and another as self within brutal self-honesty where I realize that this is the only way to face self as what we have become in our acceptances and allowances

 

Artwork by Matti Destonian Freeman