Day 301: Back to Self-Acceptance

It’s been a while since my last blog because I cleverly managed to convince myself that it’s ok to take some time off from writing and focus on other stuff. That other stuff was “preparing for tomorrow” but it never came so I finally realize that today is the day that I have to get back to this awesome habit of writing, expressing and sharing myself. I can see now the consequence of not doing this – i spend way more time in the mind trying to think what to write instead of simply sharing me as i am.

When i look why this big hesitation to share myself i see that – well the thing is i don‘t really like myself and only recently i saw a glimpse of how much judgment i have suppressed within me, towards me and towards others. This i came to realize by waking up to the fact that judgment became the primary point i was seeing in others and also became quite reactive to it (red flag). I remember the words of Bernard Poolman: “you become that which you see in others“. So yes i found that I was hiding from myself in plain sight while actually knowing this whole time the reality of me but just not really wanting to admit it and still holding onto the belief that tomorrow I will find a solution.

So, again, there is no tomorrow, and I made an agreement with myself to start one step at a time, however small it is.

self-expression-paulo-zerbato

LINKS FOR SELF_SUPPORT:

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Day 218: Letting Go the Resistances – Writing

 

The point here for me is to look at all the responsibilities I have in my world and see how I am approaching them and how effective I am within them. It’s to take each point and see who I am in relation to them – basically it is to see the resistance that exists within me regarding each responsibility/task that I must daily perform and through that find effective ways to remove the resistance instead of fighting the resistance on a constant basis. This naturally makes the everyday living a pure hell where each morning I have to wake up resisting what is to come.

As it was explained in the Heaven’s Journey to Life blog  Fighting Resistance vs. Moving through Resistance: DAY 297 – 298 it is important to not only realize the existence of resistance but it is also crucial to go deeper regarding each point and see in specificity the mind processes involved towards each point/task/responsibility. Only by understanding how this resistance is manifesting through thoughts, reactions, physical behaviors it is possible to create efficient structure utilizing which one can truly change.

“…you want to specify that resistance, what thoughts goes on in the mind, what’s the energy that comes up, what’s the internal conversations / imaginations that manifest. Essentially, you want to see how you as the Mind move, so that you can change that Instruction, into and as an Instruction of practical living change. ” –Heaven’s Journey To Life

So viewing myself in this I can definitely see how certain tasks/responsibilities in my reality have become a constant struggle that I face every day where I have even become used to this inner experience not realizing that it is not necessary and by far it’s not supporting me in expanding myself further but only keeps me stuck into the same daily routine of trying to fulfill just the minimum in order to get through the day.

  •   Daily Writing Commitment Point

The first point I want to look at and investigate in this blog is the commitment of writing myself out daily. I have within this commitment already a red flag that’s come up where slowly but surely went within this commitment from writing each and every day to writing less and less to the point where I am writing only every fourth or third day. The inner experiences around the point of writing just started to become overwhelming and now when I make the decision within myself to not do it on a specific day then it feels like a lot of weight is dropping from me. So I see the importance now to understand specifically what that “weight” is exactly and within that remove it from myself and simply follow through with the simple commitment of writing and so developing intimacy with myself.

I have been writing on this point before, yet it is clear now that in that process I haven’t identified specifically enough everything that goes into it and thus the corrective statements I did are not addressing all the dimensions. In other words I haven’t closed all the back doors through which I can justify, avoid or validate not taking action with daily writing and self-investigation.

 

Creating expectation that I cannot fulfill and so become demotivated and instead working from HERE as who I am I decide to not do it at all as a way of hiding myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have high expectations of myself within writing where in this I create grand imagination of the whole process which in the end leaves me demotivated when I start the actual process of writing not having much clue how will I manifest this imagination

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuel my imagination through comparing myself with other people’s writings where in this I begin to experience the emotion of inferiority seeing that I am not able to come up with such effective ways of writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea of myself as being more or wanting to be more where in this the reality of who I am in this very moment is not satisfactory thus the resistance to show the real me within my writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give a fuck about anything else but the reality of what is here and to not deal with what is here in a most practical way that ensures definitive improvement and growth of my presence and my skills  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give all the power to direct my actions to the imagination of my mind within which I created the image of myself that is not in alignment with the truth of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist constantly and continuously in the polarity of judging myself (negative) and imagining myself to be better/more (positive) where in this process I am not seeing and designing the practical ways to grow and expand myself

When and as I see myself wondering into imagination reality before I start writing I stop, I breathe and bring myself back where I immediately focus all my attention on the task of writing me within my current capabilities realizing within this that by starting HERE I am more than able to grow and improve myself in the process

I commit myself to stop wasting my time in imagination dimension and become real from the perspective that I write and face the reality of me HERE no more allowing myself to float up there somewhere trying to satisfy my ideas and ideals about who I have to be

When and as I find myself comparing myself within reading other people’s writing I stop and realize that each being throughout this life on earth had different programming learning and acquiring different views and skills and so thus it’s useless to compare myself to others and feel inferior or superior – the only thing that matters is self-honesty as that is one factor which determines the process, which actually is the process

 

So all this is but the general overview of my resistance to writing yet being a good starting point to begin the investigation where in this it is necessary to determine the specifics involved within the very resistance

From here I will continue to investigate the specific points as thoughts, backchats, specific imaginations, physical behaviors that are still weighing me down within the process of writing. The aim being the eventual arrival to the point where writing becomes as natural as breathing itself within realization that within writing I am actually gifting myself with the opportunity of life as does the breath

 

 

Supportive material in relation to writing:

SOLUTION of WRITING YOURSELF to freedom

2011 Writing Yourself to Freedom: Take the system for what it is

 

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Visit the new “Desteni I Process Lite”course that has been launched recently for all those who are willing to understand,  in practical self-application, the reality of self

Desteni Forum
7 Year Journey to Life
7 Year Journey to Life Facebook Page
EQAFE
Equal Money System 
Heaven’s Journey to Life
Creation’s Journey to Life

 

 

 

 

 

Day 216: Shifting the Starting Point of Writing

It’s really difficult to write something using only knowledge that is not coming directly from self but is just blindly learned information that’s been stored in the memory banks of the mind. It’s interesting to observe my mind when and as I decide to do some writing on some point that I cannot really see within myself but purely feel the obligation to write about. Here I can find only pieces of information which are absolutely unreliable, where in that I can never be sure whether some data hasn’t already been manipulated to better fir my story, the story that I have preplanned in my mind, where the preplanning is essentially done in and as the starting point of doing the writing in the first place:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write from the starting point of guilt where I am being pushed by energetic emotional charge instead of me pushing myself in and as breath to write myself out within realizing that this is the opportunity of developing intimacy (into –me-I –see) with myself where I can get to know myself better

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in separation in and as my own mind having lost all touch with the bigger reality that I have abandoned for reasons of self-interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own judgment when and as I come off the track of who I believe I am and start expressing myself as I never have before

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to explore myself in my writings but only keep and sustain the limited “safe” version of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that by suppressing my expression I am developing mental and physical disease within me in various forms that will have to manifest to show me through the symptoms what I am doing instead of me getting ahead of the process and applying the solution of prevention through immediate correction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how throughout my life by judging the expression of others I was judging myself and as a consequence I have sentenced myself to exist in limitation

I commit myself to search and experiment with new ways of expression and in this find the enjoyment to live and so become more effective in creating a world where all can do the same because I begin to realize that we ARE the SAME in fact as who we are as the flesh of this earth and we all deserve equal opportunities to enjoy this life

I commit myself to become aware in my everyday living where I learn to assess the starting point of each action I take thus ensuring that I no longer live for the sake of my mind’s ideas, beliefs and perceptions but I live for myself as who I am as the physical body in cooperation with all other physical bodies

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Visit the new “Desteni I Process Lite”course that has been launched recently for all those who are willing to understand,  in practical self-application, the reality of self

Desteni Forum
7 Year Journey to Life
7 Year Journey to Life Facebook Page
EQAFE
Equal Money System 
Heaven’s Journey to Life
Creation’s Journey to Life

Day 2: I Don’t Have Enough Time

Within the resistances that I experienced in committing myself to start writing every day another prominent point that came up, besides what I wrote in Day 1, was TIME.  It was always a very effective justification that I used throughout my process. Somehow I placed the priorities the other way around pushing the writing as self-investigation almost to the bottom of things  not realizing that my self-writing is the most important determinant in who I am in everything else that I do. Within self-writing I will be able to see how I participate in my reality, see the bullshit that I exist in and as and correct it to the point where there is no more bullshit but I am more effective in everything I do and thus within that enable myself to create more time.

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the perception that I have very little time and within that hold myself constantly under pressure trying to do things as fast as I can completely missing the specificity that can be accessed only with  me slowing down and actually investigating whatever I am doing
  • I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that within writing I can investigate my movement throughout the day to see where I am wasting time that can be utilized in self-support
  • I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that within writing I can look for example at my patterns of learning the material for school where within that I can correct these patterns to make my studying more effective/time efficient thus creating more time
  • I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the justification of not having enough time indicates that I am not utilizing my physical activities during the day effectively
  • I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that within the pattern of whining about the lack of time I manifested the experience of uselessness within me which infects everything I do throughout my days
  • I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to slow myself down and look at my days and see that there are plenty of opportunities/time gaps even in my job that I can utilize for designing, reprogramming and manifesting more effective physical living in this reality

When and as I see myself participating within the justification of not having enough time to apply myself within writing I stop and I breathe. I stand stable within realization that I am able to be self-disciplined and move myself through the resistance of not wanting to apply myself and take self-responsibility for what I am participating within

When and as I see myself rushing throughout my days trying to make everything done in fear that I don’t have enough time – I stop myself, I bring myself back here and I give myself a moment observe my thoughts/feelings/emotions where I look into what exactly is causing this experience of rush within me then I apply self-forgiveness and realign my movement

Artwork byAnna Brix Thomsen