This a continuation from my previous blog on “Giving up”
I sit down to write a blog or work on some other task that I decided I will do because I see it’s something that I will truly benefit from. I might manage some progress but very early on I start to overwhelm myself with the apparent vastness and complexity of the task. I begin to hesitate, I seek and indulge in any distraction I can find, and in this way slowly but surely I start to put things on hold. On my next attempt I repeat the same pattern and eventually this becomes an automated experience where in the end things simply have come to what seems a permanent hold.
One of the main points I seem to be missing is to just do it, here and now, no matter how small or insignificant is the step, but just take it. Yet the wall in front of me seems just too high and the only thing I can do at this stage is to try and figure it out in my mind, to try to understand why nothing is working, why I am not getting any motivation and why the hell I am still waiting?
This is where I found hope to be a big part of the problem. I saw that no matter how disempowered I felt there was always this glimmer of hope still remaining. Initially I thought that this is a good thing, that this hope is something that still keeps me alive, but upon closer inspection within myself I discovered that this hope is rather a malignant manifestation, or in other words something that keeps me in that state of disempowerment because if I realized that this hope is false then I would probably do something about my situation. Now why do I say this hope is false? I found that it mostly comes from and is connected with specific memories which are based on the principle of a casino. Meaning that 99 percent of the time you lose and there is this 1 percent where you win. So for example it would be a memory where at some point in life we get that high/motivating moment in the form of, for example, a very cool realization which uplifts one to some new dimensions and in this we see what is possible, the potential that is here, where we are highly motivated and we do things and everything just seems to fall in the place. It can be of course some other similar lovely event but the belief behind it is the same – It’s possible, I just have to wait, it’s there somewhere, it has happened before so it will happen again – HOPEfully.
In this I have always failed to understand that these uplifting moments were “random” events that were fueled/generated energetically and they were never meant to last or produce any substantial difference. It’s again to not judge them and if used practically in common sense these moments can actually be used as points of self-direction, where we see the potential and what is possible. But in this also realizing that it’s just THAT – a pointer – and in order to actually, truly manifest real lasting change real physical, practical, consistent actions will be required. It’s exactly the same as using drugs where during the experience we might become aware that there is something more, the way we see things, the way we experience ourselves as being more free and expansive and whatever other words can be used to describe your highness 🙂 but in this realizing it’s not real in fact, and that there is no magic pill in the world that will move me. I have to move myself.
Many are very aware of this and yet the first step just seems too difficult to take. There is usually deep uncertainty in what direction to move, and a blank gaze when it comes to making any decision. Hopelessness and apathy start to develop.
Next what appears to happen most frequently is that life itself steps in to assist. Usually in some form of physical or psychological disturbance. And at this point we are all rather unique in how much pain and struggle we can take before we start changing. How many warning signs have to go off before action is initiated? Personally I had to get to a point of being hardly able to walk due to lower back pain. This was then enough to become so angry as to say till here and no further. Also in my life I have made a choice to try and stay away from any strong conventional medications so that I could experience some of that pain that my body is going through and eventually use it for change. Of course I always had Homeopathy by my side which supported me enormously throughout the years, but despite that it was always clear that without a self-willed decision nothing can truly help me.
Another important thing I realized, but at which I was very bad, was asking for help. I always kept things to myself and felt too ashamed and too self-judgmental for the things I was allowing. And yet is so important to reach for help when nothing else is working. I mean I am lucky that I haven’t manifested any serious condition and that I did start to address some of the warning lights on time, but now as I work with people through homeopathy I see so many having ignored all the signs and now are having to deal with rather serious consequences, whereas, if they had come when the symptoms just started so much struggle and pain could have been avoided. Now it’s a little bit more effort will be required.
It’s always better to work on prevention rather than consequence management. That’s why parenting is the most important job in the world. If that was done correctly we wouldn’t have to deal with any of this bullshit, excuse me for my animal language 🙂 Have a good day!
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