Day 301: Back to Self-Acceptance

It’s been a while since my last blog because I cleverly managed to convince myself that it’s ok to take some time off from writing and focus on other stuff. That other stuff was “preparing for tomorrow” but it never came so I finally realize that today is the day that I have to get back to this awesome habit of writing, expressing and sharing myself. I can see now the consequence of not doing this – i spend way more time in the mind trying to think what to write instead of simply sharing me as i am.

When i look why this big hesitation to share myself i see that – well the thing is i don‘t really like myself and only recently i saw a glimpse of how much judgment i have suppressed within me, towards me and towards others. This i came to realize by waking up to the fact that judgment became the primary point i was seeing in others and also became quite reactive to it (red flag). I remember the words of Bernard Poolman: “you become that which you see in others“. So yes i found that I was hiding from myself in plain sight while actually knowing this whole time the reality of me but just not really wanting to admit it and still holding onto the belief that tomorrow I will find a solution.

So, again, there is no tomorrow, and I made an agreement with myself to start one step at a time, however small it is.

self-expression-paulo-zerbato

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Day 300: Living the Word CARE

Care_MONOI was focused on this Word for some time now and it took me a while to start understanding how to start incorporating it into my own living. I was observing people in my immediate environment to see how they live this word and surely I found some good examples of moments when the word care was lived. From what I observed such moments are mostly expressed within the parent and child relationship, but not always of course, as we know that parenting is not an easy thing and there are many challenging moments in this relationship. Still I have seen so many moments where parents go out of their way to care/tend for their children. Especially when the child is still a baby and needs all the attention all the time. I once was asked to tend to a small baby for a few hours and that was more than enough for me showing again that being a mother is a tremendous job and probably the best school to learn what it means to care for another. In that relationship your personal wants and needs come last after making sure that the baby is fully taken care of. This takes away a lot of what we call “freedom” to do the things to which one was used to throughout their life and that requires a big change and adjustment.

So these where the best examples of what it means to care about and for others, yet I needed something more practical for myself because I wanted to apply this word in my own world with the people I meet on daily basis. I found soon that one important thing to do was to learn to really listen. This is not as easy as it sounds because the mind chatter, the constant self-absorption in my own thoughts was prominent and required a process of learning to slow down within myself which I am still busy with by constantly reminding myself throughout the day to do that. I even asked a few of my friends to assist me by reminding me and use the words “slow down” whenever they see I am getting into a rushing mind state. That works pretty well and we have a frequent laugh about it.

So this brings me one step closer to being able to live the word care and I could definitely notice the difference in my interactions which became much more enjoyable. I became much less judgmental towards people because I could hear and see them better, I started getting small glimpses into who they are and where they come from and essentially why they are the way they are. And I mean people also respond better when a guy next to them is not lost somewhere in his own mind thinking but is able to participate in the conversation with some sense.

Another interesting point I have seen during this time is how CARE must be practiced and applied with awareness in various situations because there are certain moments to which we are so used of doing them in a certain way that we don’t even consider placing/incorporating CARE into them. Let me give an example: I went with a group of friends to play some basketball and as per usual we got ourselves into different teams and began this competitive game. Most of the guys that played there I have never met before and it’s also been a while since I last played which made me put some extra effort into the game. I noticed that the friend I came with was not a good player which made me feel good knowing that I am not the worst player there. Once the game started my friend struggled a lot with his play because, as we have found later, he judged himself to the extreme for being unable to participate with others equally and where in the end he has hurt his finger pretty badly with a ball which, as we realized later as well, was his own creation in order to, by any means, escape this uncomfortable experience. Now you see how many times I have used the word later because during the game I was not consciously aware of any of this and only by looking back I was able to see my absolute self-absorption into my own performance disregarding everything and everyone else. I means it was a competitive game and thus it seems there is no place for CARE in it. This was a good lesson and I am glad that my friend managed to open this point of intense anger and self-judgment towards himself in relation to the game, which I presume assisted his body to deal more effectively with the trauma that he experienced. Still prevention is of course much better way to go and could have been achieved if the word CARE was incorporated into those competitive games as a principle from the very beginning.

So it’s definitely a process to take a word and learn to live it in a variety of situations and also on all LEVELS, because if we take the word CARE it’s much easier to live it towards our loved ones whom we know more intimately, yet when it comes to those far away we are no longer able to relate or connect in any way, yet all our actions and decisions on individual and collective level ripples around the globe and creates the reality that we know. It’s rather obvious that our creation needs some adjustment so let’s do it word by word to make a better world.

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Visit the “Desteni I Process Lite”course that has been launched for all those who are willing to understand,  in practical self-application, the reality of self

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Day 299: New Job and the Discovery of Stress

thI have started a new job recently and in this position I’ve had moments that were rather intense. Throughout my life I have pretty much avoided any responsibility and all the jobs I had in the past were essentially an easy ride for me. I did observe the people who would get stressed in their jobs and I could not relate or understand how you get to such a point.

In this new job, however, my understanding expanded and I have had the moments where it seemed like I was on the edge of breaking down because of the workload and the pressure to get things done. Despite these moments being tough I found that they are also an opportunity to expand and break the limitations I had about what is possible. Essentially what I have learned is that when those intense moments come there is no time for thinking, no time for distraction and all the focus and attentions must be absolutely here on the task. I was satisfied with myself after being able to manage these moments and each time when the same moments with same intensity came I was able to find my stability more quickly and be more effective.

So I am glad that I am finally learning what it means to focus myself on something so completely and where you get things done for real. It took me a long time to get to this point because I resisted change a lot, I was always fearing and anticipating the worst, holding also the belief that I require more and more preparation to start something without realizing that there is only so much you can prepare and that without real application of the knowledge there is no improvement possible.

In this little journey I found that there are many factors which determine how we will handle stress and most are within our ability to direct and perfect ourselves within yet what I also found is that the system is sometimes too demanding thus pushing individuals too hard without considering their needs and abilities.

I have seen people being constantly under stress and where that stress is accumulating from day to day leading to undesirable consequences. In this blog I would like to note one important factor I have noticed which revels quite accurately that there are problems. And that is SLEEP patterns. This seems to be a prevalent problem in our current work environment. I have spoken to many people and it is obvious that it’s a big issue which is not addressed and given the significance it deserves. When I started working in my new position I have worked very long hours but at the same time I noticed that I also required longer sleeping hours to “digest” all the new information so to speak and it worked very well where the next day I would wake up with a clear mind ready to take the new challenges of the day. When this cycle is disturbed the challenges become burdens which accumulate and may lead to mental and physical exhaustion. Here are some very supportive blogs on this subject for anyone having sleep issues:

Oh! Good night’s rest, Good night’s rest…wherefore art thou Good night’s rest

Sleeping: Trying to fight a losing battle

To Sleep or Not to Sleep – the Dilemma with Tiredness

When I want to Sleep my problems away – yet my problems keep me Awake…

It’s unfortunate that the system we live in sometimes places unreasonable demands by forcing us, through the fear of survival, to keep working and producing results without considering simple, common sense needs of the individuals. So by doing the best we can in our individual lives we also have to pay attention and seek bigger solutions that would challenge the current system to change it into one that considers real physical needs of all humans as well as animals and plants. I support the movement of “Living Income Guaranteed” which addresses these issues by providing practical solutions to our sleepless nights.

More on Stress:

Is it Possible For Stress to be Constructive?

 

Day 289: Beautiful Nightmare of Being Dead

3.-dream-interpretation-death-and-dyingYou probably know those dreams that are so terrible and yet so good at the same time, this is one of them. It’s like a glimpse into a possible future, a future that is to come if I do not change the direction in which I am going. I’ve had quite a few of those in my life and some of them assisted me a lot to do some critical introspection and really ask myself what the hell I am doing with my life and what am I creating as my future.

 
So in this dream I was basically dead but not completely, meaning I was still in my body knowing in absolute certainty that it’s all over, it’s as if I was waiting to crossover and preparing myself for that moment.

 
I mean some awareness always exists in me that I might possibly die, especially considering the unpredictable nature of this reality were people die every day from most various causes, but even with all that still there exists some distance between Me and Death. Now in the dream the experience was like – shit it really happened to me.

 
It was a bit overwhelming to say the least. The first thing that came up when looking back at my life was the missed opportunities to create something worthwhile, worst part being that I had the knowledge, understanding also the circumstances and the tools to create the change I desired. Instead I was waiting, I was postponing, giving myself more time to waste – and now suddenly, in this dream, THE TIME WAS UP, ‘I missed the train’ – regret was enormous.

 
Upon waking up from the dream it took me a few second to come back to reality and realize that I am still here, alive. The dream was following me the whole morning and everything I was doing I was enjoying it no matter how I viewed those tasks previously.

 
So that’s why I say that this ‘nightmare’ was actually a gift in disguise – gift in terms of having a little taste of death before the real thing gets to me. Surely it’s up to me now to use this gift and in this make some of the corrections/changes that I have seen I failed to create. In this I ask myself – what do I need to do with my life so that when I die I could be at peace with myself and have no regrets for what I left behind. That is the question I am walking with now – it’s certainly a big one and in order to make it more practical for myself I have reduced a lifetime into a day – meaning, at the end of each day when going to bed I ask myself – am I satisfied with this day? Have I made even a small change? Have I made any action towards bettering myself? Am I satisfied with who I was during this day in terms of my interactions with people, the animals, and all my surroundings?

 
Now I can see that it will definitely be a process to arrive at this place of being completely satisfied with myself, yet I am pleased and grateful to myself for at least moving in the right direction, from where I can develop the self-trust and move a bit faster each time.

 

 

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Visit the “Desteni I Process Lite”course that has been launched for all those who are willing to understand,  in practical self-application, the reality of self

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Day 288: Constructive Relationships

helpI have observed some change within myself for some time now in relation to how i approach relationships in my reality. Trying to explain it I would say this in terms of how I changed within my focus and what I pay attention to when being with others. Here I mean that my focus when interacting with people shifted more into questions like– what it is that can I learn from them? What good qualities they have that I could incorporate into my own living and thus become more effective?

In the past it was slightly different because being with people and when, for example, seeing some cool qualities they expressed I would simply start comparing myself and in this experiencing negative emotions for not having/possessing those qualities. When having this emotional layers of, basically, self-judgment I was never able to really, practically view those qualities observed in another and see how I relate to that. I would get depressed and feel inferior and then try to compensate for this feeling and try to find where I am better than this person and so it went in endless comparison cycles of polarity. This type of relation I realized is useless and it‘s much better to learn from each other and when possible assist each other in that process.

 
This shift in focus opened up many new opportunities to be able to make practical changes in my daily living. There are so many people and I started noticing that many of them have parts/qualities within them that are like gemstones that I can collect and practice and test in my own reality.

To give an example I have this colleague at work whom I have been observing and through that found an interesting and very valuable quality that he possesses. That is when he makes a decision about something there is no time gap to act upon it and he does that so fully as if he is going ahead with all his beingness and he doesn’t stop until he gets what he wants or until he exhausted all possible means. What is not so cool is that sometimes in this process he doesn’t consider other people and how they are affected through his actions.

 
So taking this observation of how this guy moves in his reality I started slowly practicing to also act on my decisions in a more assertive way, because before I was extensively overthinking in this process and, yes, I still do sometimes give too much thought to things and compromise my physical actions in that way. Meaning that, instead of acting and doing things in the physical reality I do them in my mind, like I would have conversations with people that I want to approach or where I am projecting in my mind the whole play out of a possible situation out into the future. I am not saying that these things are bad when done for the purpose to try and oversee some possible outcomes etc, but I go too far where within my projections I feel like it’s already done, I take the projections too far basically. When later I act in my physical reality and something goes not like I planned it in my mind I go into a reaction because the whole projection that I created is not valid anymore, so my house of cards collapses.

 
To have a better look at this point I listened to a very supportive interview called “Thirst for Knowledge – Journeys Into the Afterlife – Part 69“on EQAFE where it was explained that it is important to realize that we cannot know everything and some situations will turn out completely different than what we imagined them to be and in this it’s important to develop and have self-trust and the knowing that no matter what happens I will find a way, and if mistakes are made it’s not a big deal as long as I learn from them and move forward.

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Visit the “Desteni I Process Lite”course that has been launched for all those who are willing to understand,  in practical self-application, the reality of self

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Day 287: Understanding and Living by the Principle of What is Best for All – Part 2

Here I am continuing from my previous blog where I was writing about my understanding and living application of the principle – What’s Best for All.

sam_0624So what does it really mean to live this principle in a practical way? For myself I have observed that the best and most practical way to start living this principle is right here in my immediate environment with the small, everyday things, yet at the same time being able to look further and direct and create my life to have a satisfactory future in which again the principle of what’s best for all would be reflected.

One of the first things that I needed to correct in my behavior was the pace, the speed at which I was living my life, meaning that I had to really slow myself down and thus become more aware of what I was doing and how I was moving in my reality, how I was making decisions, interacting with people etc. Whenever I would lose that awareness I could see how my decisions and all my actions would arise automatically from my preprogrammed mind. This automated behavior simply means that I would act and do everything in a way how I was taught by my parents, how I was taught in my school, and as I have explained in my previous blog the knowledge we are currently taught within all such institutions and from each other has created the present condition of this world where most are poor and suffering and only minority can enjoy this reality in abundance and we are taught to just accept that as being a natural part of life, when it is not actually cast in stone.

So in order to start living according to the principle what’s best for all I had to become aware of the knowledge that was imprinted into me throughout the years and change this preprogramming into self-aware actions where I now have to consciously look and consider the best physical practical ways to go about my days. So this is a process that I am walking and through being patient with myself, allowing myself to make mistakes I slowly change.

If I look back at my life I can see how erratic my behavior used to be where I was acting mostly based on my feelings and emotions that would come up randomly without me understanding how that is generated in my mind . I would never give myself the time of day to stop for a moment and reflect on why, for example, I feel what I feel, or why do I experience the rush of emotions that make me act in ways that I would have regrets about later on. In this I found the importance to have my own time, mostly the evenings, where I sit down and look at my day and reflect on all the significant events that happened and who I was within them. It was interesting to see, initially, that I, as awareness, wasn’t really there and that all the events were simply unfolding based on the years of accumulated knowledge, or simply speaking the systematic preprogramming of how to act in each and every situation and this is what played out day in and day out.

Now with awareness and principled living the life story changes and it’s no longer just a program playing out but I step into the picture to interfere and make some changes in the programming. As I have explained above the tool of consciously slowing myself down was and is very effective, where even though sometimes I do miss some moments and blindly follow my emotions, I am now mostly able to make a choice and say to myself that I refuse to go into the chaos of the mind and in this make a choice/a decision that is not reactive but self-directed, where my guideline of action is the principle of what is best for all.

In my next blog I will continue with the same principle where I want to discuss the morality aspect of it and how and why living according to this principle many in our society would term as negative or unacceptable behavior

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Visit the new “Desteni I Process Lite”course that has been launched recently for all those who are willing to understand,  in practical self-application, the reality of self

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Day 286: Understanding and Living by the Principle of What is Best for All

Here I am sharing my process of aligning myself to what I see most crucial principles of life. In this blog I will start with the following principle where I will show my understanding and living application of it:

 

Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all

 

image10Living by the principle –what’s best for all – wasn’t difficult for me to grasp as it made much sense from the time I was introduced to it. This was easy because I could already conceptualize the origin of all life being one source, one beginning from where we all come into this reality and I could see that only in the process of growing up we become separate in our expressions by accepting and allowing various beliefs, ideas, opinions, self-definitions about ourselves and this reality. Not saying here that it is wrong to express ourselves differently yet what is important is the starting point of that expression as all the thoughts, words and deeds.

 
Investigating the current starting point of all our actions, words and deeds we can see that the emphasis is on what is best for ME where the others outside our limited view are disregarded, not considered in any way whatsoever. Within that it’s not difficult to understand why the current expression of this world is so destructive to all life. Everyone lives for oneself competing with each other for survival instead of considering everything and everyone as an equal to ourselves realizing that everything that is here comes from exactly same source as myself, thus essentially everything is actually me. We can fool ourselves for a while and pretend that everything is fine yet this physical reality has a way of showing us the consequence of our faulty believes of separation that we live through the age old faulty knowledge that is passed and blindly accepted from one generation to another.

 
So as I say it was rather easy to understand this principle yet living and applying it in my daily living was and still is a challenge. What this involves is learning how to consider more and more within each thought, word and deed. It’s a process of expansion where I gather information about my reality thus creating the understanding of a bigger picture and within this understand how I relate and influence this reality with all my actions. We can view this process as a mathematical equation where within our formula of living and making our everyday choices and decisions we learn to include and consider more and more variables to the point where we can include everything that is here in this physical reality and where eventually we can say with certainty – I live that what is best for All.

 
Within this it’s also imperative to have a clear base foundation and understanding of what it really means to act in ways that is best for all. If you would ask people around they would all give different opinions of what they think is best for all, everyone would come with various believes, ideas, opinions based on their education, the culture they were raised in and other influences. However when we look beyond all the knowledge we can see that what we all share equally is our physical reality which is our physical bodies, our physical necessities. This is our foundation = we come from dust and to dust we return – physical is our common ground and thus emphasis should be primarily directed towards this point of our real equality. Still the mind reality as all our believes, perceptions, ideas, all the knowledge that we have accumulated and live by cannot be ignored and must be considered within all our actions to ensure we have a practical way to manifest a world that is best for all.

 
In the next blog I will continue with some practical examples of how I have been walking this process of learning to expand my reality and consider the bigger picture within my actions.