study

Day 152: Time and Time again

Arvydas4 Comments

In this blog and blogs to come I will write the patterns I identified in my previous blog in how I approach tasks/assignments in relation to my studies. Within this I will be correcting/removing all the blocks/resistances so I could study effectively and expand myself in my reality.

Here continuing with the backchat dimension:

Backchat

This will take me a long time

There is no way I can learn all this information

I have to do this or I will never finish the school

I don’t have enough time for this

I have to shut down my mind in order to study effectively

 

I don’t have time for this

So this is not actually true, because I do have time and currently I am wasting this time being and spending it in my mind. And I mean I have written about this point before but I never really have seen how actually one is wasting time up there being in thoughts/imaginations/projections/excuses etc. etc.

Sure it is a possibility to have a lack of physical time when one has to work many hours combined with other responsibilities where there is no choice and other possibilities to ensure survival in this capitalistic system. Here self-honesty is the key which I utilize to actually evaluate my days and all activities I perform within these days. Self-honesty is cool when you realize that the only one I can fool is myself and the foolishness has consequences that become more and more apparent when the years go by. So the process here is to take the time that is spent on foolishness and utilize it to something that is productive.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how through allowing the backchat “I don’t have time for this” within me I am holding myself a prisoner to my past protecting the accepted self-limitation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself ” I don’t have time for this” while I have time for other things that in no way support me, as in acquiring some skill with which I could contribute to this reality or any other way but only keep me entertained in my mind blind from the reality of this existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within that statement I am showing that self-interest is more important for me than actually taking action that I know will benefit many people and also myself but it will take time and patience to achieve that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize to what extent I am responsible for my life where I have the power through my words/thoughts/imaginations/backchat influence my living experience in the physical thus within this realization I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not create for myself a living experience that is free of all the mindfucks that I currently possess and thus better create something that is a contribution to this reality as a whole with understanding that what is best for the whole is best for me because I am a part of the whole

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I experience a lack of time because of my job in the system and other necessities ensuring my daily existence, it doesn’t mean that I cannot move myself and change my outer environment through self willed actions to ensure better availability of time for things that really matter

 

I commit myself to assist and support myself in moments when the backchat “I don’t have time for this” arises where I take deep breath in and breath out and simply move myself through with the task/assignment/reading I am/was busy with realizing that I do have time for this but I don’t have time for this backchat

I commit myself to make sure that in the moments of this backchat recognition I remember where exactly this will lead me if I continue to participate in it and give it attention therefore I stop it immediately and move through any resistance that presents itself also realizing that resistance is the accumulation of layers each time I gave up on myself in these moments and i also realize that the resistance will not become less thus now is the best time to stop the destructive pattern and do what my practical world requires of me

 

Related Articles

Day 109: Timelessness – Why do we Limit Ourselves?

Day 108: What Time Zone are you In?

Character Dimensions – BACKCHAT Dimension (Part 3): DAY 169

Day 151: Fear as the driving force

Arvydas3 Comments

In this blog and blogs to come I will write the patterns I identified in my previous blog in how I approach tasks/assignments in relation to my studies. Within this I will be correcting/removing all the blocks/resistances so I could study effectively and expand myself in my reality.

Here continuing with the backchat dimension:

Backchat

This will take me a long time

There is no way I can learn all this information

I have to do this or I will never finish the school

I don’t have enough time for this

I have to shut down my mind in order to study effectively

I have to do this or I’ll never finish the school

This part of backchat started appearing since I have seen that I am moving too slowly in my studies. Having done a little calculation I noticed that it will take me another 12 years to finish the school if I continue in the same pace. So….

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start doing my assignments with having this fear of not being able to finish school where then this fear becomes a motivation for me to move instead of me moving myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when fear is my motivation to move I am creating a negative association to my studying and as a result I create the resistance to study

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that studying only for the purpose of finishing school where I constantly make future projections I am actually completely missing what is here in the moment because for me the only goal has become to get to the next assignment done instead of moving with and through understanding the material

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the importance of actually learning/applying the knowledge and information and not just going/passing through the material within the desire to get it done quick and move on

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not develop an effective schedule within my studies where I plan in specificity the hours/assignments/writings etc. to ensure that I move effectively and thus remove my fears of not being able to finish the school

So I commit myself to remove fear of not finishing school and thus instead of being driven by fear I commit to move myself by utilizing various means – like implementing a daily schedule for learning school material and for different other activities that will expand my understanding in the field of my study

I commit myself to remove the negative association I have created to studying where within that I investigate all the things that fall into the opposite polarity side which is positive and so make sure that I remove the positive realizing that all these are just serving my self-interest and keep me as a slave dependent on energy

I commit myself to realize that I have to become a responsible being moving in this reality based on common sense realizations where I see and understand what has to be done instead of following energy experiences, which I have proven to myself countless times, lead nowhere but only wanting more and more energy experiences which comes at a great price

Day 149: Scaring myself with Time

Arvydas1 Comment

 

 

In this blog and blogs to come I will write the patterns I identified in my previous blog in how I approach tasks/assignments in relation to my studies. Within this I will be correcting/removing all the blocks/resistances so I could study effectively and expand myself in my reality.

Here starting with the point one in the backchat dimension.

 

Backchat

This will take me a long time

There is no way I can remember all this information

I have to do this or I will never finish the school

I don’t have enough time for this

I have to shut down my mind in order to study effectively

 

This will take me a long time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear of the lack of time where within this fear I am attempting to save more time not realizing that in this I create the experience of rushing where I do my task ineffectively thus in essence wasting my time with having to do my tasks over and over again and so within all that actually manifesting my fear by creating the lack of time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my backchat ‘This will take a long time’ comes from my past knowing that I am doing my task half halfheartedly and thus will have to go back to them again and that this will take a long time

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to commit myself absolutely to the task at hand where I ensure that until the task is finished I will not accept and allow any distraction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself the enjoyment that opens up when I dedicate myself absolutely to any given task where I start seeing the specificity and detail of the task

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I deny myself this absolute specificity and commitment within the task and doing it only halfheartedly I am actually bored thus existing within awareness of time and from here ‘This will take a long time’ comes as a negative experience that pulls me away by all means from the task

 

I commit myself to remove fear of time within realization that this fear creates the consequence of me wasting the time and thus creates more fear – so fear creates more fear

I commit myself to remind myself, each time I am starting a task, the necessity to bring myself fully HERE and do the task/assignment in absolute dedication where I go into the detail and specificity not worrying about the time but that I do it properly without having to go back and redo it

I commit myself to be aware of any temptations of distraction within doing a task and immediately say NO to that realizing that I have been that road too many times to fool myself that there is anything to gain but the loop of stupidity

 

Related Articles

Day 109: Timelessness – Why do we Limit Ourselves?

Day 108: What Time Zone are you In?

Character Dimensions – BACKCHAT Dimension (Part 3): DAY 169

 

Day 123: Clearing the space for effective studying

Arvydas2 Comments

So I am still looking at the point of studying and how I have been sabotaging myself with constant thoughts of hardship which in turn became decisions in my mind affecting and influencing the whole process. Now when walking this point and pushing myself to break the self-imposed limitations I can immediately see the delusion I have cocooned myself into and within that seeing in more clarity what needs to be done and that it is actually possible to do it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately sabotage my studies with having constant thoughts about the heaviness/difficulty of what I was studying and within that accepting these thoughts as real and allowing them to actually influence my process and slow me from living the decision I have made to pursue my goal of becoming a practitioner of Homeopathy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist looking at my approach/application towards my studying effectiveness in self-honesty where I CONvinced myself that I was accomplishing something within my studies while the simple calculation showed me that if I continue my studies in the same pace that I am doing now it will take me another 12 years to graduate the college

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from physical reality and real physical actions into an alternate/imaginative reality where I existed in hope/future projection about where I am in regard to my studying

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell everyone, who asked me about my studies, that I am doing fine when I knew all the time that what I am doing is by far not enough to get anywhere

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in hope that something will happen and I will be able to create some perfect conditions to study effectively where I was justifying my ineffectiveness by blaming work and other things that I had to do in my reality

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that there are no perfect conditions in this reality at the moment and that I have to work in this system to be able to survive and that I have to look at things realistically instead of existing in hope and wasting all the time in depreciating thought patterns instead of allocating this time to study

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself right after facing the first lessons of my study where I immediately went into negative thinking patterns saying to myself how difficult it is/will be to understand the material instead of realizing that entering a new/unknown area it always looks vast and scary – yet constant and consistent self-application in time is the key in this reality and so I have to use this key to open the door into a new chapter of my life

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that this process of studying will not just happen and that I must deliberately push myself in each moment to apply myself and find within that self-motivation to proceed and succeed

 

I commit myself to stop beLIEving in my thoughts that come up with LIES about the hardship/difficulty of my study instead of realizing that I am the one who makes the decision how I want to experience myself within everything I do and thus realize that I am actually able to enjoy myself within my studies where within that I expand daily in my understanding about the vast universe that is our human physical body

I commit myself to keep regularly assessing self-honestly my self-application within studies where I make sure that i do not waste my time in deluding myself that I am moving somewhere when I am not

I commit myself to realize that I might be waiting forever if I want to have perfect conditions for my study and thus I commit myself to utilize each and every opportunity to study/learn within realization that each moment where I participate in thinking is a perfect moment that I can clear and make space for my studies

 

Artwork By Anna Brix Thomsen

 

 

Day 121: My commitments must be lived practically

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It’s been a year since I started my homeopathy studies and so far I am really taking my time so to speak where it’s not hard for me to do some calculation and see that if I continue in this pace it will take me another 12 more years to finish the school. So here I STOP myself to reevaluate my position and make a decision about what I want to do with my life after all. I have been writing before on the point of study where I looked at my resistances and within that made some corrective statement that I should implement and live and surely within every self-commitment the real test comes when faced with real practical world. And so looking back I see that I have failed to live my words and apparently chose to remain limited and not change. I can see that it’s not just about the school but it’s a general pattern of self-sabotage in various different ways, with various different justifications, self-manipulations tactics – it’s like an army of characters that I exist in and as holding myself stuck in one place -and no one else but me is accepting and allowing this to exist.

It’s amazing that within it all I can actually see how I exist currently and what characters are dominant in my every day participation in my reality. Some of the big characters I wear as my suit and play throughout my days are the characters of constant complaining, being irritable with where I am, desiring for better conditions.

Yet what is really amazing within that – there is no willingness to actually change anything – that is proven by the actual physical actions and words. So that makes it really obvious that for example the complaining personality that I so often wear as my outfit during the days is not interested in change at all because after it is what it is -“a complaining” character – thus any change for better would be the death of this character and so as any other character this character as a separate entity is concerned about survival and it will do whatever it takes to remain “alive” – it will manipulate, it will form alliances with other characters such as “justification” or “blame” character, it will do whatever it takes to survive.

So the question is -who is running the show? Where am I in this equation? Who am I? Am I willing to accept and allow these characters to remain in control and determine the rest of my life or am I willing to stand up and say enough where within that I construct a new path where I design as myself, through investigating, writing, and practical application, a living experience where I would be satisfied and fulfilled – where fulfillment means to make the best contribution to this world in, first, stopping the madness that is here and then creating a world that is best for all where I place myself in a position of most effectiveness and most contribution to eventually create a world where all can enjoy this little time we get on earth.

To be continued with answering of these questions- in writing and practical living

 

 

Day 62: Self-doubt and uncertainty in studying

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While studying at my school of homeopathy I find myself too often becoming overwhelmed about the vastness of information there is to be known. I start to future project myself where I already know everything and that’s where I like to be. I don’t like being here in the initial stages of study where most concepts and functions of human body are completely unknown to me. Within this mind projection I lose myself and do not even see what I am reading and studying in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that mastering any new material requires time and dedication but instead I desire a shortcut where I magically become all knowing being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there is just no way I can ever learn or understand about how the body functions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a resistance to learn all the knowledge and information required for my study lessons

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when I do not understand the material where I believe that by now I should be able to know it based on my idea of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from who I am here as my actual real understanding about the functioning of human body into a future projection/desire where I already have the understanding how it all works

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as stupid when I do not understand the material I am studying instead of giving myself time and patience to learn

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am creating myself in each moment by making decision of who I am and that when I define myself as stupid that is exactly what I manifest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that each time when I do not understand something and within that confirming to myself that yes I am actually stupid is the result/outcome of my initial decision to define myself as stupid

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have defined myself as stupid based on my past memories of other people’s opinions about me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the most influential people in shaping who I am today were my family members

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by my mother throughout my life where even though I resisted her guidelines that she gave me in life I still ended up following them because that was a “safe” way for me to live where I did not have to take self-responsibility  for my own decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my mother’s doubts in me were always just reflecting my own uncertainties where I never really stood strong within my decision because of lack of self-trust

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my family line for not having this assertiveness and courage in living the live fully

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate living life fully to taking risks where I can see now that all my endeavors in life were bald leaps of trust without ever considering the reality of the system and how it functions thus I was never sure and confident about the outcome of my decisions and thus self-doubt was manifesting

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that whenever I was specific and practical within my decisions I was always getting the necessary support from my family

 

I commit myself to develop patience and necessary discipline to become specific and down to earth practical about my living and the choices I make where I would be able to show to each one the common sense practicality and certainty that is present within my living choices

I commit myself to take all the necessary steps required to achieve the goals that I have set for myself and whenever doubts or self-judgments arise I stop myself to investigate them in specificity and make sure that they are removed from my path of self-perfection

I also understand that some decisions that I make based on the principle of acting only in ways that is best for all will not be understood by some people because most beings exist in the believe of separation from each other and are not willing/able to hear about the possibility of a different world thus I commit myself to stand in front of each one without fear or doubt and insist on my path of life

Artwork by Matti Destonian Freeman