Fear of Future

So I haven’t written any blogs in my ‘Journey to Life’ section for quite some time now. I see at least a couple of key points that have been preventing me to do it. One is that writing implies movement, implies that I am actually walking my journey, that I am looking and investigating aspects of myself, I challenge myself and correct myself and live the change as I write/walk my journey. If that condition is not met I stagnate and my writing becomes a rather useless effort – mostly, as seen in the past, the blogs begin to repeat and spin around only the issues/problems that I am facing yet not moving through into any effective form of correction, just complaining and so sustaining my current condition. It’s like a type of depression that develops which I can use as an excuse to be lazy and do nothing.

Looking at all this and trying to understand why this stagnation takes place I recognized one important point – fear of self-responsibility/the unknown/the potential. There is no denying that walking this process with the Desteni group is making you a better being, and by better I mean more effective in every aspect of this reality, more practical, the understanding expands, the responsibility grows and within all of that ‘shit starts to become more real’ and that I find to be a rather key phrase here. It’s like everything that has been suppressed and ignored for so long starts to come to the surface and when seeing that a fear emerges of whether I am able to deal with this and what is still to come as you realize there is much more in the ‘Pandora’s box’.

For example when studying homeopathy we have been taught as well that when treating people with primarily emotional disturbances the disease will start to move and most likely manifest on the physical level ameliorating the mental state or sometimes temporary intensify emotional level. So this basically means that stuff will come to the surface and that is considered a good reaction. At this point it’s important to remain stable and not get freaked out by this manifestation but allow it to fully come out and then continue with, first, accepting that which has been revealed and, second, to continue dealing with that which has been revealed in the most efficient way. Unfortunately many people at this point get scared and fall back to modern methods of medicine which again suppress the condition bringing back the old state, though highly disturbing and uncomfortable yet familiar and ‘safe’.

So on some level this happens within me as well when walking the process: I keep falling back, standing up again to face some more aspects of reality, then again pausing for a moment. Although sometimes this feels like endless and hopeless processes yet I remind myself that no matter what happens there is still movement in terms of slowly acquainting myself with ways and methods to deal with whatever emerges, also accepting that which has been revealed, all those deeply “negative” aspects of who I am. And thus I found that every small change or realization is valuable in the overall process and these are worth writing about.

 

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Day 287: Understanding and Living by the Principle of What is Best for All – Part 2

Here I am continuing from my previous blog where I was writing about my understanding and living application of the principle – What’s Best for All.

So what does it really mean to live this principle in a practical way? For myself I have observed that the best and most practical way to start living this principle is right here in my immediate environment with the small, everyday things, yet at the same time being able to look further and direct and create my life to have a satisfactory future in which again the principle of what’s best for all would be reflected.

One of the first things that I needed to correct in my behavior was the pace, the speed at which I was living my life, meaning that I had to really slow myself down and thus become more aware of what I was doing and how I was moving in my reality, how I was making decisions, interacting with people etc. Whenever I would lose that awareness I could see how my decisions and all my actions would arise automatically from my preprogrammed mind. This automated behavior simply means that I would act and do everything in a way how I was taught by my parents, how I was taught in my school, and as I have explained in my previous blog the knowledge we are currently taught within all such institutions and from each other has created the present condition of this world where most are poor and suffering and only minority can enjoy this reality in abundance and we are taught to just accept that as being a natural part of life, when it is not actually cast in stone.

So in order to start living according to the principle what’s best for all I had to become aware of the knowledge that was imprinted into me throughout the years and change this preprogramming into self-aware actions where I now have to consciously look and consider the best physical practical ways to go about my days. So this is a process that I am walking and through being patient with myself, allowing myself to make mistakes I slowly change.

If I look back at my life I can see how erratic my behavior used to be where I was acting mostly based on my feelings and emotions that would come up randomly without me understanding how that is generated in my mind . I would never give myself the time of day to stop for a moment and reflect on why, for example, I feel what I feel, or why do I experience the rush of emotions that make me act in ways that I would have regrets about later on. In this I found the importance to have my own time, mostly the evenings, where I sit down and look at my day and reflect on all the significant events that happened and who I was within them. It was interesting to see, initially, that I, as awareness, wasn’t really there and that all the events were simply unfolding based on the years of accumulated knowledge, or simply speaking the systematic preprogramming of how to act in each and every situation and this is what played out day in and day out.

Now with awareness and principled living the life story changes and it’s no longer just a program playing out but I step into the picture to interfere and make some changes in the programming. As I have explained above the tool of consciously slowing myself down was and is very effective, where even though sometimes I do miss some moments and blindly follow my emotions, I am now mostly able to make a choice and say to myself that I refuse to go into the chaos of the mind and in this make a choice/a decision that is not reactive but self-directed, where my guideline of action is the principle of what is best for all.

In my next blog I will continue with the same principle where I want to discuss the morality aspect of it and how and why living according to this principle many in our society would term as negative or unacceptable behavior

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Visit the new “Desteni I Process Lite”course that has been launched recently for all those who are willing to understand,  in practical self-application, the reality of self

Desteni Forum

7 Year Journey to Life

7 Year Journey to Life Facebook Page

EQAFE

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Heaven’s Journey to Life

 

 

 

Day 262 Quick Peek into Oil & Gas

Recently I visited the so called European capital of Oil & Gas industry in Aberdeen, Scotland where I was doing my exams nearby and exploring potential job opportunities. During the visit I have been researching the existing trends of mostly the North Sea Oil & Gas market which from the first view seemed extremely positive and optimistic. It’s not until you dig deeper that you find that most of what is told and presented is based mostly on beLIEfs and hopes of people.

The biggest conundrum to be observed is the extreme growth of investment and research and constant decrease in production which has been going on for more than a decade. Reading the articles and journals you see how various companies keep expanding, how they keep building more and more offshore production and maintenance platforms to cover as many new founded fuel deposits as possible. According to experts this boom of investment might keep the production levels more or less stable until 2017 after which they will most certainly continue declining.

So we are basically faced only with a short term solution which is made to look bright and beautiful, yet not much concern or consideration is given to the long-term future. Let’s just get what we have left as fast as we can and then we will see – that is what we are living at the moment.

There is no consideration about people that are misdirected into this “booming” business once the decline will hit their lives as well as there is no consideration about the impact on nature that this fast progress will produce. In other words there is no future, only the present and short term gains from which only a few will fill their pockets. The rest is just hope that this fast progress will show us the way forward.

But it’s not so difficult actually to predict the future based on what is here. We only have to look at the human being himself, the nature of what we have become and what we live. The single purpose of entire world’s energy is to fuel this system that consists of all of us and how we interrelate with each other and how we create our shared living experience. Till now the result of our relationships that we created to direct this reality has proven to be disastrous and since there are no significant changes in place we can see where we are heading – towards more of the same and even worse because now that the earth’s resources are depleting the race for survival will push more and more people out of the system until we all find ourselves in equally screwed position – basically extinction of human race.

Now do we have to go that far to realize that bigger changes are required? I am one vote in claiming it’s not necessary, we just have to start looking into new models of how to produce an effective, and most importantly, a sustainable system to direct our lives. For that purpose we are suggesting to implement “Living Income Guaranteed” which is a new system that will immediately create necessary support structure for the most disadvantaged people in our society and serve as a prevention mechanism for the future impending disaster that we all must and will inevitably face if we continue on the same road.

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Visit the new “Desteni I Process Lite”course that has been launched recently for all those who are willing to understand,  in practical self-application, the reality of self

Desteni Forum

7 Year Journey to Life

7 Year Journey to Life Facebook Page

EQAFE

Living Income Guaranteed 

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Day 105: “The Planner” Character

 

This is mostly related to meeting people that I know and with whom I agreed to meet beforehand. So before the meeting my mind gets busy to plan the event. It’s mostly trying to assess another being, trying to see where he stands within the process and what and how we should run our conversation.  All the information I take is mostly from my past experiences I have had with this specific person and thus I utilize this information to design some plan about what the meeting should be about. Here I am also running within my mind a variety of possible conversations/scenarios – where within that I am talking and giving answers to myself as if I am that other person, again all based on my past interactions and all the knowledge I have accumulated in relation to that person – also we can say that is an example of schizophrenic behavior where I am sure that many people act out within themselves. Yet somehow in our society it became a normal type of existing and is never really questioned.

So what happens when I actually meet another – there is no LIVING conversation, because the show is run by my mind with all the preplanned  knowledge where within that I desperately try to align my plan to current living moment. I have seen the ridiculousness of this behavior many times before but my mind just insists on running preparation scenarios in my thoughts.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to plan my meetings with other people in the mind where within that I create the whole event in my mind, all based on past knowledge of who I believe I am and who I believe another is and where later when I actually meet another person I try to superimpose my inner creation on the actual moment that is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that my all my past attempts to plan the outcome of my interactions with others ended up with disappointment as my mind’s planning  could never match the reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that existing in the mind during the conversation with another, where I have all the ideas lined up of how to approach another being I am actually keeping myself separated from what is HERE as the living moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the mind cannot possibly take everything that is HERE into consideration because of its limited preprogrammed nature where it exists within constantly filtering information and is based purely on self-interest where the totality of the moment is never seen

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself that I can just be here within each moment and directly see how to move myself within interactions with other people instead of having the action plan created in the mind based on past superimposing the living moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that allowing my mind to be the director I am keeping the past alive sabotaging any opportunity to expand and move beyond that which is known

I commit myself to live moment by moment within my breath and realize that I do not need my mind to give me direction within my interactions with other people as I realize that existing in my mind I will only keep my past alive which is limited and based on self-interest

I commit myself to realize that when I am planning ahead a conversation with another in my mind I always have some agenda where I usually want to change, CONvince or persuade another pretending to know what is best for another

I commit myself to become a better listener where I actually hear and see another where within that I develop the ability to respond to what is here as the expression of another – rather than superimpose all my planned shit on the current living moment

I commit myself to trust myself in being able to see within each moment the necessary actions to take that are in accordance with the principle of acting in a way that is best for all

I commit myself to live each moment as it is a new moment realizing that only in this way I can find my expression as life where I can see that if I live based on my past I will only create that which I know and what I know is not life but only automatic behaviors based on separation and self-interest

 

 

Day 73: Projecting myself into future

 

So here I want to look at my anxiety that was coming up in relation to having arranged a few meetings with people from my past. The anxiety is of course in relation of how I will stand within these interactions – will I fall back into my old personalities or have I already changed where I can no longer fall back to who I was or how is it?

When having a few interactions with these people online we purely spoke on matters that people usually speak about – work, place of staying, money, family etc. Within that there was no real communication and that made a little bit angry with myself, because I didn’t touch on things that truly matter and after that I already created an idea of what I will communicate about when I meet them.

So here I can see a lack of self-trust and again trying to superimpose/make something else of myself than who I am. I am missing again the simplicity of just being here in each moment. Projecting myself into the future is a mind job where more complex constructs are created, more ideas, projections of how, where, when etc. So it’s absolutely taking my focus into an illusionary reality of the mind away from here which is the only place where real communication can happen. Thus I stop all this bullshit of worrying about what will happen and concentrate all my attention into this moment where I am now as it is the only place that I can direct as myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about a future meeting when I have no control over that what will happen  in the future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that every moment spent worrying about the future is shifting my focus away from this moment here into the mind reality where I create different ideas/projections/scenarios instead of being present in every moment and trusting myself that I can deal with all that comes my way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that through creating future projections about an event I will enter this event not as a clear/empty/unbiased being but I will be loaded with preconceived knowledge that will overshadow the opportunity of having a real  living conversation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my future worries and projections show a complete lack of trust in myself and also makes me question my decision that I have made to stand for life no matter what

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I do not have to be influenced by my past but can direct the conversations in the moment to reflect who I am and what I stand for because that is the only thing that really matters in this world and there is no time for hiding and playing games

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to appear nice to people within justification that I do not want them to scare them away from the message of equality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as some kind of savior that must bring all “sinner back to god” not realizing that I can only express and show my own example of change and let people decided for themselves whether they are ready to release themselves from the limitations of the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire being a better example for others where within that I use methods of self-presentation thus within that deceiving others and myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the key is self-honesty and I can be an example of that

 

I commit myself to stop participating in future projections whenever the desire comes and remain here within my breath to thus accumulate my ability to be here at all times realizing that this is the only place where I have the power to direct myself

I commit myself to make sure that entering a conversation with another being I am empty and clear within myself and not loaded with preconceived ideas that override the reality of the moment

I commit myself to remind myself to remain self-honest through remaining aware of my breathing where no mind can exist

 

Artwork by Maya Harel

Day 64: Search for excitement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for excitement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always create some point of excitement in the future that I could live towards and which serves like a purpose for my existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this point in the future will fulfill me when I have proved to myself over and over that when I reach these points it only satisfies me for a moment where after that I am immediately faced again with the emptiness of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I live towards some point in the future I don’t have my focus and full attention in the present moment because I keep thinking about my future moment where I fantasize about the excitement that I will get

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this future moment that I live towards serves as an escape mechanism where I run to hide each time that I face the reality of what I have become as the energy dependent machine

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this escape deliberately even when I see in the moment what I am doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my thoughts are more powerful than me thus I allow myself to be pulled into the pool of thoughts, feelings and emotions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that existing in and as thought is an addiction just like any other addiction and thus can be stopped as I have proved to myself by stopping many addictions that I believed I will not be able to stop

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that being here within awareness of breathing and my physical body I can slowly but surely practice slowing myself down and thus getting to the point where I can see my thoughts emerging and where I can make a self-directive decision to not participate in further process of thinking

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find breathing and remaining here very difficult because there is no excitement within that and no immediate results of any change in my being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an idea what it is like to be fully here in oneness and equality with everyone and everything not realizing that it’s only my mind that has expectations where I am again living for a future moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that being here in equality and oneness with reality is not an energetic experience but it is a simple, practical living where I work together with other beings for a solution to our everyday problems we all face

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the only thing standing in my way to see the reality that is always here is the desire/search for something more

When and as I catch myself participating in my thoughts I stop myself and remind myself to practice remaining here with and as my breath

When and as I see myself having a point in the future that constantly and continually keeps me distracted from remaining here I stop myself, I note the point and I investigate specifically within writing what this point represents

I commit myself to flagpoint all the different places in the physical reality and in the mind reality where I have a tendency to exist in and as so that whenever I enter the space I would be reminded about the necessity of the application of breathing and remaining here

I commit myself to stop all energy addiction by realizing the simplicity of living here in and as my breath

Artwork by Marlen Vargas Del Razo