Day 250: Intelligence Character

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So I have just become aware of a point that has always been here but never entered my radar for actual investigation. Somehow I shunned the experience as the thoughts, imaginations, fantasies, hopes around this point away as not relevant. It’s strange to suddenly see and realize that something that I have been participating in and as for so long, which became almost unquestionable part of me, is actually an obstruction, a splinter in my mind that is not allowing me to move effectively in my process.

That point is the great desire to acquire intelligence. Now when I am observing this point in my mind various memories open up to show me how much I was actually seeking to become an intelligent being and so become able to demonstrate this intelligence in my reality gaining thus the value within self-perception. It seems now that every moment that I spent in the mind I was inflicted with this desire and only moments where I was actually remaining here in and as my breath I was able to, for a moment, let go of this desire and even laugh at myself and the struggle that I am putting myself through. It was always a refreshing experience but never a lasting one because as soon as I would give way for the mind to take over and direct my life it would again do the same what it always did, what I, without real awareness, programmed it to do.

Now the questions I am asking myself is what it is exactly that I was seeking? What is this intelligence to me? What forms does it take? In what contexts I was mostly desiring it? How did I want to utilize this intelligence? Essentially the question is what was my starting point in wanting and desiring to become an intelligent being?

Now the dictionary definition says that intelligence is: the ability to comprehend, to understand and profit from experience

That is pretty accurate definition of how I was living this word and especially the word profit is relevant as it shows the self-interest as foundational goal in utilizing intelligence. So whenever the first two conditions would be achieved – the comprehension and understanding of something, the profit part would also follow. In any case that took some form of Ego boost as apparently I was becoming MORE within this newly acquired understanding.

To be continued…

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Day 212: Hard to admit I am wrong

I have spent the last week with a being within whom I observed the pattern of being absolutely resistant to admit any mistake to the extreme where he can argue endlessly justifying his righteousness. So I keep asking myself where in my world and reality I am doing the same as this point is so clearly and so intensely right here in my face. So by observing him and all the ways in how this pattern plays out I was studying the nature of reactions and justifications behind it. One thing I can clearly identify is the existing character of “I know better” or “I can’t be wrong” where within this main justifications to support the character is memory and experience.

Taking the point back to myself I can definitely see how I am existing within this character, especially when and as I am interacting with younger beings in my reality and where the situation or some specific task is something that is similar or the same to that which I experienced/have performed in the past. And so within this the way in which I was doing/performing tasks is seen as the “right” way and the longer I have been doing this task in that specific way the more ingrained it becomes and becomes like the only way to do it where as a consequence it becomes difficult to consider alternatives. From here when somebody makes a comment or tries to explain to me another way, I immediately go into reaction, by all means holding on to my truth, before even investigating another view. Here starts a power game of wanting to sell “my way”. Even though externally it might look that I am listening to another but within me, in my backchat I am already planning how to prove my righteousness and the faultiness of another.

There are of course instances where what I am trying to do is let’s say more effective in relation to physical practical considerations yet the existence of reaction and backchat shows my fall in the face of integrity of life. So in that situation I am already proving myself to be wrong within living application regardless of the “superior” practical aspect of the task involved that I am trying to present.

The realization here is simple – absolute stability, no matter what, is required, where no movement as reaction or thoughts towards another exist. Only here the point can be brought to solution as only in that kind of environment real communication can be established where all parties involved can arrive on common solution. When the reactive energy games begin the actual solution as what is best for is not possible – it’s like a mini war that starts where parties involved gather their artillery of arguments to prove each other wrong and come out as a winner.

I have seen this today within me when working with other beings where at some point I couldn’t agree with a decision that was made by my superior at work. I had within me a reaction with which I haven’t dealt in the moment and so it continued to spiral into more aggressive forms of rivalry. It continued into backchat where I was looking for any arguments to my favor to prove myself right and later it became secret physical actions that went against the decision of my superior. So it’s like really nasty stuff that is happening and in my mind and I mean I really tried to make this event insignificant convincing myself that there is nothing wrong about it. I AM actually right so I had every right to react the way I did. While all the while the whole relationship with others has become schizophrenic where I say and present myself in one way but the thoughts and backchat tell completely different story.

So it’s really amazing how much disgraceful mind fucks are happening when the mind is allowed the freedom to continue without directive intervention. So I am holding myself accountable for all such situations realizing that this cannot continue.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when another makes a comment about my performance where in this I hold the believe that I know better

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accordingly resist intervening in the actions of others to make comments/suggestions even when seeing that improvements can be made

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how this example shows that we as humans are allowing each other the free will to do things “my way” regardless of seeing and realizing that the old way is not necessary a good when considering the bigger picture of reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the way I have always been doing things is the right way and in this try to silence any voice telling me otherwise perceiving the voice as a rival that wants to take away my control

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in the secret mind when I am not able to get “my way” immediately where in this I am “building a case” against another to eventually come out as a winner
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the consequence of this allowance of secret mind within me where in the end I separate myself into various mind alternate realities through which I then manipulate and deceive those around me just to get the last say instead of living here as equal to others and finding solutions that are best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this whole reality exists within the same patterns where each is trying to sell their way as the only way never considering everything and everyone involved thus creating a disharmony among all parts of existence in the name of self-interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my righteousness based on memory and experience perceiving within this that “I know better” where in this there is no actual investigation and cross-reference to actually test the best possible way that works for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never learn in my life open and transparent communication where I would be able to discuss with another, as equal to myself, the best possible solutions for the task at hand

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger and irritation when somebody claims they “they know better” and who act on their actions without properly communicating about it so that all would be on the same level of understanding

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I am doing exactly the same in my reality when I get the chance and opportunity to do so and within this elevate myself and be proud of myself as apparently being in control

I commit myself to consider all beings within the decisions I make where I make sure that the decision is understood and comprehended equally by all parties involved

When and as I see myself entering a reactive state when seeing another do things differently from what I would have done I stop myself, I take a deep breath and realize that energetic reaction is creating the consequence of division and in that moment I simply move myself to communicate openly about the point to within that see other beings point of view and from here with the total picture of the situation/event I am make the decision that is best for all

I commit myself to stop all reaction when somebody else challenges me within my actions realizing that if I am completely honest within my actions I have nothing to hide and fear and I should be able to explain the point in absolute specificity without any reaction

I commit myself to remain always open for improvement welcoming other beings to comment/provide feedback on my actions and within that establishing equal understanding about what is being done

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Day 208: Don’t Trust the Little Voice – it’s a Big Problem

The way I handled my problematic relationships in the past was by Walking Away from them. I learned this technique whilestill participating in spirituality which, so beautifully, has designed the ways in which to avoid any responsibility. Let’s take here the existing notion for example:

“Give yourself permission to immediately walk away from anything that gives you bad vibes. There is no need to explain or make sense of it. Just trust the little inner voice when it’s telling you”

This tactic works only when one has means to do it – Money. It’s only enough to watch some documentaries about how the majority of people in this world live their lives and it becomes obvious that for many this choice doesn’t exist at all. Thus many children are absolutely bound to remain with their abusive parent, many wives with their dysfunctional husbands, many animals with their brutal owners etc.

So that statement can be made only when one exist in a separated mind state and one who has no understanding about the actual functioning of the mind system. It’s also very evil statement considering that most of the world currently exist in the so called “negative” state which is basically the reality that is here to be faced, yet these light and love beings, through making such statements, shun away the responsibility of facing such problems of this reality and escape into their own self-created bubbles of positivity, where there exist the one and only concern – own well-being.
“Just trust the little inner voice when it’s telling you”

What is that little voice in the head telling one where to go and what to do? Can you trust that inner voice? Who are we within that, just a blind follower?

One can see that trusting that little voice requires one to have faith. I personally always believed that this voice was my higher self that is directing me and so I was gladly following the instructions, without ever stopping to pose myself the question, any question. I mean, if not for Desteni, I would most probably never have doubted these powers “above” me as they seemed so far and so grand. The whole spiritual literature is just overwhelmingly full of worshiping that spiritual realm where the earth in comparison to it seems like a last place one would want to be.

And so, through all these masterful teaching, I have learned to escape the physical reality from one moment to the next. Of course I could never escape it completely, I never had the guts to truly follow my masters and become as full of light as they were. I blamed myself extensively for not being worthy to enter the spiritual realms, I blamed my earthly desires, I punished my body, I starved it – just for it to give up and let me go. So the level of delusion was extreme and many people still exist there and I wonder what will it take for them to wake up.

Of course money does the trick and when one is out of cash the lights go off and boom – one drops back to the ground. And that’s exactly the place where one can find the common sense and the lost ability to care for that which is real, that which is Life.

Join Desteni, a group of people who stand on the ground waiting for all to descend from their thrones of grandeur and are here ready to assist all to become equal citizens of this physical reality.

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Day 79: Who I am as the characters in my mind

 

Today I have read some very cool blogs (links are below) dealing with the question of who we are as human beings – a question that has been asked by many throughout existence and great philosophers spent countless hours pondering on this question coming up in their minds with various theories and explanations – but now reading these blogs one can find, as I did, that the issue of understanding ourselves as who we are has been simplified where now each one can, for themselves, answer this question and start the journey of truth.

Who I am is but a bunch of characters as separate entities that are fighting between each other for the right to dominate my physical body, feeding of it and getting the most energy to thrive and survive.

Each day I take on and wear a variety of characters/personas as a suit within the believe that I need them to participate in this reality. It is rather funny and sad to realize that I am never really here as a real being but always playing some character in this world. Even now I can see how I play certain characters within this writing. I stop for a moment pressing my keyboard and I think what should my next sentence be – it’s already indication that some character is coming forth, trying to use my fingers and write something that would benefit that specific character. Every single thought that I have reveals a certain character within me and there are many.

So here I place a task for myself to identify all my major characters that I exist in and as within my everyday living to thus enable myself to stop my participation as these characters and bring myself back to reality. Because obviously all my characters are simply thought creations based on my memories and exist in separation from the totality of existence. When I look at any of the characters that I can identify within myself it is easy to see how actually limited they are, where it’s just a few scenes playing over and over again with the same thought patterns repeating while at the same time LIFE happens all around me yet I am too preoccupied in holding my play as the character to notice anything.

Because of the limited nature of who I am as the character all the decisions I make are only considering a minute reality while being completely blind to the bigger picture as this world of which I am still a part, which is still influenced by all the decisions I and everyone else as characters make. So my existence as characters/ego is very detrimental to this world and definitely requires that I as the authority of myself step in and bring all the characters together within myself and change this whole circus into one and equal participation with the single principle – doing what’s best for all in all ways.

So within blogs to come I will take on my major characters to debunk them for what they are and thus bring myself back to life where my cross-reference point will be my breathing as I understand that all my characters are stealing every single breath to give “life” unto themselves – thus when my characters fall away my breathing should be just that – breathing as the air that is coming in and out of my body carrying the oxygen to my organs and sustaining life as who I am as the physical substance where we all are equal and one

 

 

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-79-stepping-out-of-character.html?m=1

http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/looking-for-more-of-myself-day-78.html

http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-44-character-game.html

http://rozelledelangeblog.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-22-me-as-main-character-within.html

http://journey-of-lindsay.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-79-kill-buddha-hes-just-character.html

http://mayaprocess.blogspot.com/2012/07/my-life-as-character-overview-day-79.html

http://spiritualjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-45-characters-i-allow-as-self.html

http://malingunilla.blogspot.com/2012/07/day-79-im-nothing-but-character.html

 

 

 

Day 45: How can Love be Wrong?

 

Here I will look at my relationship with Love. To me it was quite obvious from the beginning that there is something wrong with Love and I asked myself and others in my world many times to explain me what is this thing Love, but every time I was getting different answers thus never really getting to any conclusion about it. As a child I remember we had this chewing gum for sale “what is love” and after unpacking the first layer you would always get these little drawings with some words in it explaining what is love – so there were many explanations about love – the guys must have busted off their asses to come up with such a variety of explanations perhaps never realizing that they are confusing the population and especially children with all this nonsense. From what I remember mostly it depicted the acts of pleasing another to be the expression of Love. So basically when I look back there is only confusion and uncertainty about Love as this supposedly all-encompassing presence. It was always here but it was never really grasped or understood within the minds of men.

So it’s time for Love to be exposed and actually defined so that we could take it to the court and determine its rightful place. Here we will be the judges that will decide if the thing called Love was of any worth to humanity or was it just a virus that was infiltrating people’s minds for some evil purposes.

In my later years during the time when I formed my first relationship I realized in a way what it is that people refer to as Love. It was a wonderful intoxication where everything in my world basically disappeared and where I was just falling in Love.  It was a constant blissful feeling, butterflies in the stomach and all that bullshit. When I looked back to that period in time and within seeing how I existed in relation to all other beings in my reality I was really ashamed of myself for allowing myself to be sooooo blind. Nothing else mattered for me but that feeling as well as my partner as she was the necessary part for me to be able to generate this feeling.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question love within the believe that something that is so good can’t be bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself blame and become angry with my family when they would comment on my obsessive behavior when I was in love

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have a full right to be in Love not seeing and realizing that within that I was not taking any responsibility for anything else but my own feelings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or consider other beings in my reality while being in love

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise all my other relationship that I had in my world just to hold on to the feeling of love

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become completely irresponsible, untrustworthy being because I placed my feeling of love above everything else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how much I was separated from my physical reality while being in love

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I was manipulating and forcing my partner to compromise her relationships so that I could ensure that she belongs only to me and that in this way I am certain to have my feeling of love secured

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that love is a feeling as the positive energy that can be sustained only for so long and that inevitably I will have to fall down from my fantasy world and face the reality of what I have allowed

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that to sustain the feeling of love I had to constantly generate energy and that this energy had to be extracted from my physical body thus sucking it dry just to maintain the alternate reality of love

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that love is the greatest tool used by those in control of this reality because beings that are in love are completely oblivious to what goes around them –thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the trap of controllers by falling in love

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall

 

I commit myself to expose the reality of what love is and thus manifest a structure of support to prevent as many falls as possible

I commit to place love in the same category as any other addictive drug and prove that it is so

I commit myself to challenge lovers and show how far they have separated themselves from what is here as this physical reality which in the meantime is completely ignored and disregarded when in fact it is single most important things upon which all is dependent

I commit myself to prove that we as humans to don’t actually have the right to experience love because to experience love one only takes and takes from this physical reality as the energy to sustain the feeling of love while in return giving nothing of real worth

I commit myself to show that there is no real love in this world just by showing the facts and numbers of how majority of human beings in this world exist while someone has the audacity to close themselves in the bubble of love and pretend that what happens in the world has nothing to do with them

I commit myself to show that the only valid form of love is physical practical care for another beings as oneself where no separation and limitation exists

 

More articles debunking the illusion of Love:

Day 44: In the Name of Love

Spirituality – ‘Love and Light’ is Drug Addiction – Day 43

 

Videos:

The Design of Love

Women of Desteni – The Search for LOVE, Family and Children

Definition of Love

 

Day 37: War of Egos

 

Today I got angry at work because I didn’t get what I wanted. I really justified that the thing I want is totally necessary for me to be able to work effectively, even though as I look at it now it was not crucial. I just exaggerated the point within myself to try and win the battle. Basically what i really wanted is to sell “my way”, to show that there is a point where I made a correct observation and thus took the responsibility to correct the point. Within facing resistance from others I dismissed all their arguments by the thought “stiff minds don’t want to change”. I really wanted this little victory to build some self-trust and prove that I have some worth.

I got locked on this idea and for the most of the day I kept speaking to myself in the mind about how wrong others are. So basically I failed at normal, common sense practical communication with my fellow beings and made it all into an energy war completely ignoring the consequences of such an act for myself and others. The energy war was waging mostly within myself where I blamed others for not understanding my proposed solution and where I justified why I am right. Here I even I looked for another being to confirm that I am right and my opponent is wrong. I convinced/sold another my point of view and thus I became “bigger” in my justification, not realizing that what I really became is bigger asshole that waged a war against myself basically.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so stuck on my point of view that I haven’t considered what another really thinks about the issue and what are his actual reasons for refusing the proposal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed energy to enter the scene and direct my actions instead of remaining stable here breathing where I can see the reality of the situation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a simple practical matter into an energetic war of two egos defending their point of view

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to another’s point of view where I started to blame and judge another for being/having a stiff mind unable to listen and hear my point of view

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have my point of view to which I was holding so tight that I completely missed the hereness of the moment going into the polarity game of the mind where I was seeking ways how to win this game

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within losing the game seek out the revenge in my mind by trying to justify why I was right where within that I started “to build my army” where I convinced another being about my righteousness thus creating more conflict in the group

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stop myself when I saw what I was actually doing but the drive to win was so great that I continued with building my army still hoping that somehow I can still win the battle

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue thinking after the battle was over where I still tried to comfort myself and prove to myself that I was right where within that I missed many moments of my physical participation in my physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear direct and honest communication with another about the matter at hand because I was not equal to him but was an opponent as ego who tried to win

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that through fighting as ego I will build a character and become more worthy

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the real power is within equality with another but my ego does not want to stand equal to another within the perceptions that this means losing

 

When and as I see myself that I have already started a war with another I stop and I breathe realizing that there can be no solution within this war as the war creates only more war and there are victims as losers thus I only perpetuate the system of polarity within myself and in my reality

I commit myself to find clarity within all conflict situations that I find myself in and within this clarity speak to another as equal about the issue where I don’t have any preconceived outcomes or ideas about what I want to achieve but moving from what is here towards a solution that is best for all

When and as I see myself participating in my backchat after losing the battle within hopes that I can still somehow win I stop and I breathe realizing that there can be no winners in this war and I realize that if I continue participation in my thoughts I will create another cycle with the same consequences

 

Very supportive article on the point of reactions:

Day 1: Reaction Games

Day 23: Fighting for Limitation

I have this persistent background chat running within me for which I have not yet taken responsibility and kind of let it slip my attention. It’s when I hear and see people having done something that is met with approval by others. In this moment I start comparing myself to this person where within that I desire to be in their position and get that praise. I start thinking why I wasn’t the one that came up with this idea and then imagine a little scenario where I am the ONE with the idea. I imagine people’s reactions towards me – cool man; oh cool, yes cool, very nice etc.

So this is a very nasty pattern where within that I even despise the ones who are acknowledge for their input where I desire that the situation/improvement wouldn’t have come about because then I wouldn’t have to feel inferior and less than them. I immediately go into inferiority trying to see what whether there is something that I can praise myself for something that I have done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be the ONE that comes with all good ideas and gets all the praise

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to people that make improvements where I go into inferiority and wish that there was improvement done in the first place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly exist within the comparison towards others were I define myself as either better or worse, winner or loser where I seek positive feedback  to acknowledge my existence as ego

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that my starting point of participation is ego that is based on energetic experiences constantly seeking reward for all my actions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dependent on energy to sustain my ego without realizing that I am not my ego and I do not require energy to exist

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that I am a rotten human being that looks at life only from the perspective of what I can get from it not realizing that my acceptance of this way of functioning has produced a world that we find ourselves in where everyone exist within separation and self-interest – only taking and taking never asking self but what I can give or contribute to make this world a better place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from all beings into my ego where my ego is all my world and reality never considering who I am actually beyond my ego personality

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I am not alone in this place and that I have to consider all being on this earth because we are all here creating together and we actually have an impact with our actions on each other – so common sensically if all act only in their best self-interest then the outcome will certainly be destructive for most beings, especially animals, nature that do not have self-interest and exist here unconditionally supporting all life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to keep my ego as it gives me a few feel good experiences from time to time which I cherish and crave for without realizing that this never lasts and that it has consequence for me and others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that some parts of ego are good not realizing that all experiences that I deem as good are only one side of the polarity thus if I am holding onto positive experiences I also hold the negative in place – thus existing in constant cycling between good and bad believing that this is what life is

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see how really limited my ego is where each day same thoughts go over and over in the same cycles that is driving me crazy and then make me happy, crazy and happy – but I do not notice much the bad part as I like to hold on to only the good parts and thus I ignore the totality of my accepted existence

All I have to do is stop myself for a moment and see my whole life and what I am actually allowing to exist, how limited I really am in my understanding about what is here as all parts of existence and within that seeing I correct myself to stop my limitation and start expanding myself where I get to know more and more about myself as the physical reality as who i am one and equal to as my physical body without mind as this constant thinking to keep me in separation from that great existence beyond thoughts, feelings and emotions

When and as I see myself fighting for my limitation by being spiteful towards people that are finding ways how to bring awareness to all of humanity about the problems we face – I stop myself I breathe and I realize that these thoughts coming up is not who I am and I will not accept and allow this to exist within me any longer but I look and see how I can add/contribute to the solutions by working together with those that already have made self-directive moves in making this reality a better place for all

When and as I see myself comparing myself to other people i look where I am not standing equal to them – why I am jealous towards them, what specific part of them make jealous and within that I simply make a point within myself to develop that part within myself so that I could stand equal to it – but not as an ego to get approval or appraisal but to simply make myself more effective being – where my basic principle of living is that which is best for all

I commit myself to walk the self-correction by investigating myself and seeing where I am not yet effective within myself within realizing that these parts of me are crying for attention – as proven through the act of comparison – and within that I make practical steps of how to improve myself within these specific points to stop all comparison and live as equal in bringing the solution that is best for all

 

Artwork by Talamon Joseph Berta

For more support

Day 18: Dementia – The Rotten Child Syndrome

Day 19 – Rotten Love

Day 20: Rotten Souls

Day 21: Success and Reward