Day 292: Decision Making and Mistakes

Now again my current blog is related to my previous blogs about making mistakes, and so it happens that these things appear to be unavoidable in the beginning and again it’s all about who you are once it’s done.

Either way after the fact it’s crucial to take responsibility and truly investigate your actions, especially to understand how this decision was made: I found especially important to identify all the influences throughout the process and my reactions to those influences – this is the space and time where you truly learn and prepare yourself for the future. Now in my previous blog I have already eliminated the path of giving up on ourselves, the path of regret and feeling sorry for ourselves, the path of hiding and creating the fear to move on. This is the time were we no longer allow self-sabotage but we reprogram our minds to be solution oriented rather than problem oriented.

Now I would like to emphasize one crucial point that I missed and which was an absolute indication that I had to stop myself and go back to the drawing board and sketch for myself a more practical plan to make an effective decision.

This point that one cannot miss is the SPEED OF THE MIND. Once you are taken into the experience of rush you can pretty well guess that you are in trouble and thus an immediate action should be to withdraw yourself from the experience/situation/event, if that is possible. In this it’s important to find a way to slow yourself down, and try to find the reason of why have you taken yourself into the experience of rushing.

This is what happened to me and I failed in that. I have managed to convince myself that I am going in the right direction and that I should simply trust myself. It was a clever design where the primary belief was that I do not actually need/require to put all the effort/work in doing a detailed research, making a practical plan but I can simply take a shortcut and make a decision by simply trusting myself. But who I was trusting actually? These were my thoughts, my emotions, and my desires which produced like a cloud in the mind obstructing any clear judgment.

When looking back at the situation I can see now the simple practical steps I could have and should have taken to make a much better assessment of the situation, however, now that it’s done all I can do is take these newly learned gifts and use them in the future by making better decisions myself as well as assisting and showing others the points that need attention.

So really, if you are rushed or you rush yourself into making a decision, and when you have a choice to give yourself more time for consideration – please take that time until clarity is achieved and the decision is truly calculated and is sound and is based on the laws of this physical/practical reality rather that being a subject to the emotions of the mind.

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Day 290: Don’t Sit on Your Mistakes

All people make mistakes, but what separates us from each other is how we deal with those mistakes. Some of us will be dragged down and create even more self-doubt while others focus on immediate resolution not allowing the past to haunt them.

Throughout my life I was mostly the former type of guy where the mistakes I made would create a downward spiral where my mind would latch itself with every detail of the mistake and the fear with further projection of things going wrong would become a constant companion. It is not hard to see how this state of mind would in fact produce further complications. My behavior, the words I spoke would resonate that self-doubt, the fear and the uncertainty into my interactions with other people and I am absolutely sure that people do pick up on that and essentially reflect you back to yourself. Also this mind state of fear and self-doubt would act like a safety wall ensuring I do not get close to situations where I can possibly make mistakes thus manifesting fear into a physical level, where I was living it completely.

Now all this was basically a constant negative experience and the greatest desire was to find a way to end it. Now there are a few ways to do that and it’s either by facing the fears and finding the solution at the core, or, as I have done, which is to create short-term escape mechanisms to make myself feel better and forget about my reality for a moment. These would be things like immersing myself into prolonged sessions of watching entertaining movies and videos, occasionally doing some drugs and also watching pornography as the greatest tool to ignore reality and forget myself, at least until I was done and had to face another day. So to make things much worse on top of the initial fear, self-doubt and uncertainty in relation to making mistakes I added layers of shame and guilt and now from here the real solution seemed very far away.

Existing in this vicious cycle for many years and proving to myself beyond doubt that if I continue like this my life will be an absolute disaster filled with regret and anger at myself for not taking charge for who I am in time. It seems there is a line, crossing which I don’t really want to know what happens. Perhaps in can be viewed as another mistake only on a bigger scale and where again you’ll have to make a choice of you will you be. There is, of course, the end line at some point.

So from here my focus shifted in how to become that other guy, the one that can remain standing tall when mistakes are made, the one who immediately starts looking, finding and applying solutions. To get closer to this I started observing the people around me that possessed these qualities. This was very supportive in this process. Not surprisingly those people were in higher position within the system. They were not afraid of responsibility and they were not taken aback by the occasional mistakes they made.

Having equipped myself now with this new knowledge of how to deal with my mistakes I still had to test it in real live situation. The moment came and so I was faced with myself and the potential for change. The awareness wasn’t immediate and initially upon making a mistake at work I went the usual route of beating myself up and projecting gloom and doom. Only later that night I slowed myself down and upon seeing that I am, again, going down the same old path and then viewing my whole life in relation to that and that it just cannot continue like that I did stop myself and shifted my mind to the new thinking. I told myself that I will not allow myself to ruin myself for this mistake and that no matter what happens I will go out there the next day and I will not bend my head to anyone but I will stand tall and not fear but welcome more responsibility. The same night I have also looked more closely at the mistake I have done and what factors played in my making of this mistake and having identified the main causes I am now more aware and I know what I should watch out for when performing tasks thus I can prevent such mistakes from ever happening again.

Next day came and I was amazed at myself how quickly and easy, also rewarding and enjoyable it was to participate with others with not from this position of fear and self-doubt but being confident, being present and essentially a part of the team. I realize that it’s good for no one to have the so called drop-outs who bring the spirit of the team down, isolate themselves and wallow in self-pity. So it was cool to be able to forgive self for the past and move on.

Day 286: Understanding and Living by the Principle of What is Best for All

Here I am sharing my process of aligning myself to what I see most crucial principles of life. In this blog I will start with the following principle where I will show my understanding and living application of it:

 

Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all

 

Living by the principle –what’s best for all – wasn’t difficult for me to grasp as it made much sense from the time I was introduced to it. This was easy because I could already conceptualize the origin of all life being one source, one beginning from where we all come into this reality and I could see that only in the process of growing up we become separate in our expressions by accepting and allowing various beliefs, ideas, opinions, self-definitions about ourselves and this reality. Not saying here that it is wrong to express ourselves differently yet what is important is the starting point of that expression as all the thoughts, words and deeds.

 
Investigating the current starting point of all our actions, words and deeds we can see that the emphasis is on what is best for ME where the others outside our limited view are disregarded, not considered in any way whatsoever. Within that it’s not difficult to understand why the current expression of this world is so destructive to all life. Everyone lives for oneself competing with each other for survival instead of considering everything and everyone as an equal to ourselves realizing that everything that is here comes from exactly same source as myself, thus essentially everything is actually me. We can fool ourselves for a while and pretend that everything is fine yet this physical reality has a way of showing us the consequence of our faulty believes of separation that we live through the age old faulty knowledge that is passed and blindly accepted from one generation to another.

 
So as I say it was rather easy to understand this principle yet living and applying it in my daily living was and still is a challenge. What this involves is learning how to consider more and more within each thought, word and deed. It’s a process of expansion where I gather information about my reality thus creating the understanding of a bigger picture and within this understand how I relate and influence this reality with all my actions. We can view this process as a mathematical equation where within our formula of living and making our everyday choices and decisions we learn to include and consider more and more variables to the point where we can include everything that is here in this physical reality and where eventually we can say with certainty – I live that what is best for All.

 
Within this it’s also imperative to have a clear base foundation and understanding of what it really means to act in ways that is best for all. If you would ask people around they would all give different opinions of what they think is best for all, everyone would come with various believes, ideas, opinions based on their education, the culture they were raised in and other influences. However when we look beyond all the knowledge we can see that what we all share equally is our physical reality which is our physical bodies, our physical necessities. This is our foundation = we come from dust and to dust we return – physical is our common ground and thus emphasis should be primarily directed towards this point of our real equality. Still the mind reality as all our believes, perceptions, ideas, all the knowledge that we have accumulated and live by cannot be ignored and must be considered within all our actions to ensure we have a practical way to manifest a world that is best for all.

 
In the next blog I will continue with some practical examples of how I have been walking this process of learning to expand my reality and consider the bigger picture within my actions.

Day 282: Another look at Self-direction

Most of my life I spent as a follower, standing and remaining in the background, waiting until some direction opens up for me to walk into. What I am saying is that I have never truly directed myself but was always directed by outside forces. Now what are those forces and what does it even mean to direct oneself?

Even those instances where I have apparently made decisions within my life, if traced back and dissected into detail, it is obvious that it wasn’t really my decisions and thus it’s not my own self-directed path that I walked as an outcome of that. Here meaning that each decision I have made was a thought process where I was taking the information, looking through all my past experiences and within this deciding, according to my feelings basically, how to proceed. In this one must consider that all the past experiences, examples of the past are not mine per se but learned patterns from those who went before me. Essentially since birth I was like a walking sponge that absorbed, unquestioningly, all the information and this in the end formed me as who i am now. From this it can be seen that without real awareness all the decisions and choices made in life are preprogrammed, they are based on the past. The past being essentially the basis for all beliefs, perceptions, attitudes, opinions on which decisions are made.

Now the best way for me to understand self-directive decision making is, for example, within my personal process where I see some unwanted behavior patterns that I exercise in my daily living and thus I make self-directive decision to change and correct those patterns to support myself in creating new, more effective ways of being. That can be applied to addictive behaviors for example where I utilize self-discipline, self-investigation, self-correction to step out from that destructive behavior and create a new one that supports me. It’s certainly best done in writing as it gives a tangible layout of the problem and the solution, where I can create the exact steps that I need to walk towards self-directed self-correction.

From here this self-directedness can be applied within all situations in one’s reality where through constant investigation of own reality and seeing clearly the problems and within that what needs to be done as solutions we apply best practical ways to accomplish that. The crucial point still being the clarity of mind where we ensure that energy is not influencing our choices and thus in no way is determining the outcome. Self-honesty being the key to ensure there is no reaction, no energetic movement while making the decision. I found in my own process many times that even though practically my decision seemed valid, yet in self-honesty I could see that the starting point was corrupt, meaning for example, there was a desire to get my way or to win over another, I was in and as energy, either being irritated or angry, or wanting to show off or whatever that motivated my willingness to “direct myself”. By definition this is not self-direction but the energy/the past was directing me and as a consequence of that I only fueled, with energy, the systems within myself and within the world as a whole. So, basically, until we stop participation within energy, as the polarity system within the equation of our living we will never be free of wars and conflict within and without.

Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how most decisions I have made in my life were outcomes of energy in motion where I was not making self-directive decisions in and as awareness but being possessed by either positive or negative energy which pushed me to move in certain direction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that all my reactions which led me to move and make decisions were all based on my personality with all it’s beliefs, opinions, perceptions learned from the past and I have never stopped to ask a question but who am I within it all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question myself as my thoughts, my beliefs and my perceptions but accepted them blindly to be a real part of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to my thoughts, to be an active participant in this process of thinking and then express and manifest this inner process in my reality without much critical reasoning in all of that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be persuaded, distracted, tempted by my thoughts even when I see the obvious destructive force it brings to my living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the importance of gifting myself with a clear and practical self-direction process and ensuring that it takes absolute precedence over the thoughts that try to justify, excuse and validate another course of action

I commit myself to start laying a stable foundation in the form of clear and comprehensible map of self-directed actions that I should follow as my primary guidance in my daily living in order to create myself as the leader and not the follower

When and as thoughts arise within me trying to distract, persuade, tempt me away from a self-directed agreement I have made with myself, I stop, I breathe and I take these thoughts to “the court” for a critical evaluation to thus see what they actually are presenting as their case and within this decide what is the best course to correction

In my next blog I will be continuing with self-corrective process to ensure I have a comprehensible layout of what needs to be lived in order to ensure real change

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Day 254: Giving Control to the Mind and taking it Back

 

We all function according to various patterns of behavior and whatever we live longest as our accepted and allowed actions – these get ingrained and become our living daily “who we are”. I am currently in the process of changing my patterns into something more productive because how I have allowed myself to exist in the recent months is simply unacceptable. So it’s fortunate that Human Nature is programmable and thus correction is possible.

I have not been living in the actual reality but more in the imagination of my mind, where I was giving myself justifications as the scriptures of actions that I will be doing “tomorrow”. But that tomorrow never comes and it simply allows me an easy “floating through the days” experience to take hold of me. Distractions are many and when allowed they grow into big obstacles that take over and direct the whole living experience when there are more than enough required physical actions to be taken in the most serious manner.

So here I am committing myself to end the patterns I have accepted and allowed and in this return to real physical reality, learn to stand equal to what is here and what needs to be done in order to secure a self-movement that is productive and meaningful.

This will firstly include writing as an essential part of seeing the reality of me in detail. The importance of writing has been emphasized in many instances and by many intelligent people throughout time. Now I can add to this as well as I have lived a period of constant writing and a period without. The difference is significant where the period where I haven’t placed myself on paper becomes just an empty, meaningless ride without direction or much understanding of what is happening within and without. Writing is important in giving one perspective and insight into how one is viewing reality and self within it and where in this it can be analyzed and self-corrective actions, with actual understanding, become possible.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in into the resistance which I experienced when and as I applied self-directive discipline in my daily living not realizing that it takes as long as it takes and my duty is to never give up but move forward with full dedication

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how important it is to see and catch in time the justifications used by the mind to not apply self and how these small justification can quickly grow into big obstacles as the new patterns of behavior

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in hope of tomorrow even having fully realized the hopelessness of this hope

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose the easy way not realizing that it’s actually in reverse where the easy way becomes very hard as it is full of consequences and tough choices which could have been prevented

I commit myself to design and live the correction of returning myself to a way of living that is meaningful and with integrity

I commit myself to become aware and actually take action when distractions and justifications are in my way

I commit myself to not be too hard on myself and not too easy but find the point of balance that is practically effective in living an effective life where I make decisions and bring them into fruition

 

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Day 253: Unclear Decisions produce no Results

 

The point I have been dealing with, and which produced extreme difficulty in my living reality is the point of making decisions. That includes all kinds of decision – big and small. Now I want to look at simple decision within my daily living. There are usually numerous things that I have to take of in any given moment and that’s where the decision has to be made and lived in order to deal effectively with what is here. That’s where I become stuck as I am not effectively deciding upon the course of action to take and where because of that, in the end, I do nothing of any real substance, everything remains only partially done. All because I didn’t make the decision of what I am actually committing myself to do.

Also it’s interesting to note that when the decision/commitment is not really made there is always the freedom to divert my attention away from what I am doing, especially when I am not really enjoying the process of what it is I am doing. So this absence of clear self-direction leaves a gap for the mind to distract and so far it’s been doing the job wonderfully where I would fall with every little distraction coming my way.

As an example let’s say I sit down with the study material for the upcoming exams. I didn’t make the decision to study where I would say to myself – ok mr. now I am sitting down and gonna do study for 2 or 3 hours, but instead I just do it on the go when having a moment of opportunity. Yet the freedom remains that something else comes up and I have to move on to that. And so it happens, any little interference from outside or even inside – as my thoughts arising in the mind – I jump into attendance disregarding what I was doing. Weather I will come back to study is not certain – as I have never made the decisions of how long or how much I will study.

So this obviously isn’t working and the structure is required to move myself in my daily living to ensure that the main points needing attention are getting done. From here thus, each day, I make plan of action specifically allocating time and amount of things I need to do. Let’s see how it goes. The proof is in the pudding.

 

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Day 238: Revisiting and Assessing my Decisions

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Here I have to disappoint myself and at the same time face myself in reality. It feels good when I make a decision, that is best for me and best for all, and begin following that decision – yet the real test is following through with this decision in time and proving to self that nothing that stands in the way will affect my walking that decision into manifested reality.

Many things happened for me and my decisions that I have made didn’t stand the test of time. Now the tendency is to fall into guilt and experiences of regret for having wasted the time instead of, within the same moment of having made this reality assessment and seeing the accepted and allowed faults, correcting, in one breath, and reconstituting the decision with necessary practical alignments and walking without looking back and beating self up for what’s already done.

The experience of guilt is a very comfortable cop out tool to not take responsibility for the mistakes. I mean here we have an amazing tool of self-forgiveness which completely removes any need for guilt experience. Thus whenever I find myself participating in guilt character – what do I know – I am postponing my process. What it is that I am not willing to give up and walk forward?

The desires standing on my way are known to me as well as are the tools to remove them from my path, thus there is nothing else that can be said. I have run out of justifications and here I sit in silence with only myself, knowing that only I can decide – what it’s gonna be from here? The life of the past or a new life, as self-directive, self-disciplined movement?

I am grateful for people walking the 7 Year Journey To Life for standing as the examples of discipline, self-dedication and commitment to walk day in and day out the decisions they made without justifications or complaining about the inconveniences and hardships that do get in the way to remaining committed to these decisions. So , thank you

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Day 210: Can’t escape the system – join in

It’s one thing to write about change and completely different thing to actually live it. My whole life I have been expecting that things will happen to me and that somehow suddenly, unexpectedly I will become who I want to be. I see how I have become a product of our current “quick fix” society where so many things we desire are available at hands reach in a single moment. But that’s not how reality functions – it took me many years to realize this truth by seeing the consequences that I manifested through my own im-practical living.

There are so many examples of how I fooled myself within my life’s choices ending up in regret and often jealousy towards those who made different decisions in their lives and developed the necessary skills to be effective beings in this reality. I saw myself as lagging behind, having wasted my time on absolutely ridiculous distractions. However I STOP myself right here and right now and I remove all the judgments towards myself realizing the stupidity of doing so where I am enslaving and drowning myself further in self-pitty instead of making the necessary corrections before it’s really too late to change anything.

Another point I was looking at when going back in time to see the path I have walked is that in some way it was rather beneficial for my whole process of becoming more aware what the heck is going on here–what I mean is that because my unwillingness to enter the system from a younger age and move in certain, let’s say career direction, gave me the necessary space to view all things in a more critical way where I observed some possible directions that I could go with my life and how these possible choices would affect me, who I would be if I were to choose that or that. Here I observed the people in my environment and I could see the meaninglessness in how they live their lives even when on the outside everything seemed to be perfectly fine. So that made me an outcast who refused to comply with the current system and as solution I was just living a life on the edge searching for a way out.

I couldn’t find any and kept running in circles always coming back to the basics – I need food, I need shelter – I need money to survive and there is no way around that. So I kept living my little existence seeking some cool experiences here and there to keep the little flame of hope burning which was slowly but surely becoming less and less brighter as there was just no way I could figure any of this out. There were moments where I could see rather clearly how I have diminished myself throughout my life by simply choosing to remain this small part of total existence called ME as it apparently gave me the “safety” feeling of the known and familiar. I mean the point was that if I let go of myself as the little personality that I have become it places me immediately into a position of great responsibility for all that is seen now and THAT was just way too scary and terrifying. I could get no rest as I clearly saw that this way of existing cannot continue and needs immediate action – yet I had no idea what to do – thus the only choice that was a “savior” for me in these moments was falling back into my mind and continuing to exist as I did before – on the edge of the accepted system, where I was closing my eyes into existence through my failure to act.

Only after investigating more and more the Desteni material I could finally place the pieces together and understand a little more all my experiences. And that’s what brings me back to the point of willing to become a more effective being in this system – as the realization is clear that any change is possible only through active participation in the system. So it’s the same action of becoming someone in the system as I wrote in the beginning yet the difference is the starting point – why I am doing this? Who I am and how can I contribute in this life for a better future?

I saw that there is a possibility to correct this reality through a group effort and establish new laws that honor life and basically self-honest living – as in the first place the lies and deception that we live day by day is what makes this living experience unbearable. The secret mind is in control while our faces smile and pretend that everything is ok.
Are we still capable to finally admit to ourselves, just through common sense observation that it’s not ok and that real solution is of alarming importance. We need a real cure for this disastrous creation that we designed so far.

If you can hear me – Equal Money Capitalism – is something that can really work in this reality as it is the cure that considers everything and everyone. Investigate and see for yourself – if that is what you would like for yourself as a child coming into this existence.

Day 209: Making the choice requires living them into action

Here I am revisiting once again my decision to stand absolutely within my decision to walk myself back to life from that which is not life. Existing in constant thinking that creates endless webs of confusion distracting me from the real physical participation in my reality is definitely not living and thus has to be stopped for life to be born, and so here I am facing the reality of the real physical actions required to manifest this correction I realize more and more how diligent, constant and consistent self-application must become.

I am more and more starting to see how each day, each interaction, each moment and even each breath determines the outcome of who I am and will be. I realize how any small deviation from everyday consistency compromises all previous efforts. In other words the input as each fraction is equal to the output as who I am becoming through the accumulation of these fractions. If during my day I spend most of the time in my mind thinking, judging, condemning, blaming etc. others than be sure that the outcome will be a personal world and reality that is full of fear, uncertainty, self-distrust, and all other goodies that are the products of such thinking processes. If on the other hand I am aware with all my interactions, remaining stable within my breath not allowing any thoughts, feelings or emotions to influence and determine the way I move myself in this physical reality where I see and act based on common sense and practical considerations of everything and everyone that I am aware of – then surely the outcome will be the growth of responsibility and common sense understanding about who I am, how this reality in fact function and thus how can I change myself and my reality.

So this is the choice we all face

Continuation in the next blog

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Imagining Solutions vs. The Living Solution: DAY 258
Imagining Solutions vs. The Living Solution (Part Two): DAY 259

Reptilians - Facing Choice (Part 2) - Part 108

Day 145: Living Word vs. Being a Politician in my Mind

 

Recently I watched the documentary “Krokodil: Russia’s Deadliest Drug” in which it was depicted the most atrocious conditions that people have to live in and where absolute hopelessness of the situation makes young people turn to the most destructive drug usage just to have this momentary feeling that everything is fine.

So it was obvious that more and more people realize and understand, through actual living, the hopelessness of their lives. The system has abandoned them because the system, as we can see through the world events, is falling apart and so it has to cut off pieces of itself in order to survive. In the past the system was still able to uphold many regions through endless promises and through some minor physical actions just to sustain that hope of people. Yet apparently it’s coming to the point now where only promises remain and so people are left all by themselves to search for solutions. One guy that was interviewed said that he wishes to see less corruption, stealing, lying and that the politicians should live up to their words and promises.

So that is the problem – we are no longer living our words because I mean there are basically only two ways that this can be done and none of which is very pleasant for the greedy mind that we as humans have evolved into overtime. So to live our words we would either become extremely nasty as that what we really are and have become inside ourselves or another option is self-forgiveness for the actual nastiness that we are and living a solution through the living word.

That’s where the change has to come. Establishing trust in ourselves and each other through proving to ourselves that what we set out to do we will actually do it. It’s so easy to delude ourselves with beautiful words and feel good about our commitments’ yet in the meantime not even moving the ass from the chair to get things accomplished.

It’s time to become a living word and be self-honest with myself about who I really am and what I am actually capable of and from here move myself to the best of my ability towards the point of desired correction.

To be continued

 

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