Day 253: Unclear Decisions produce no Results

 

The point I have been dealing with, and which produced extreme difficulty in my living reality is the point of making decisions. That includes all kinds of decision – big and small. Now I want to look at simple decision within my daily living. There are usually numerous things that I have to take of in any given moment and that’s where the decision has to be made and lived in order to deal effectively with what is here. That’s where I become stuck as I am not effectively deciding upon the course of action to take and where because of that, in the end, I do nothing of any real substance, everything remains only partially done. All because I didn’t make the decision of what I am actually committing myself to do.

Also it’s interesting to note that when the decision/commitment is not really made there is always the freedom to divert my attention away from what I am doing, especially when I am not really enjoying the process of what it is I am doing. So this absence of clear self-direction leaves a gap for the mind to distract and so far it’s been doing the job wonderfully where I would fall with every little distraction coming my way.

As an example let’s say I sit down with the study material for the upcoming exams. I didn’t make the decision to study where I would say to myself – ok mr. now I am sitting down and gonna do study for 2 or 3 hours, but instead I just do it on the go when having a moment of opportunity. Yet the freedom remains that something else comes up and I have to move on to that. And so it happens, any little interference from outside or even inside – as my thoughts arising in the mind – I jump into attendance disregarding what I was doing. Weather I will come back to study is not certain – as I have never made the decisions of how long or how much I will study.

So this obviously isn’t working and the structure is required to move myself in my daily living to ensure that the main points needing attention are getting done. From here thus, each day, I make plan of action specifically allocating time and amount of things I need to do. Let’s see how it goes. The proof is in the pudding.

 

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Day 252: The point of consequence

“I need to experience the consequence to move myself within the process” – that I found rather ingrained within me. What that means is that I am not changing myself until I get myself into real trouble through which as a result I would then force myself to move/change. I can observe this pattern throughout my life – one example I can look back into was my addiction to alcohol. I did not stop drinking, even after clearly seeing all the negative effects it had on my living, until I caused a lot of pain for myself. I had to experience physical harm, financial loss and other negative effects after I could make the decision to stop.

So this pattern is still continuing even now, I still continuing such patterns as laziness, procrastination, addiction to positive energy. It is too obvious by now that participation within these behaviors is really causing stagnation, depression and also an array of other undesirable consequences, yet I am still spinning the wheel to get more consequence that would finally convince me to change and move myself.

This point also manifests within my relationship with other people, especially I can see myself well when I am with my partner as she is the closest person to me. As an example I would have an inner disagreement/judgment/blame towards my partner but I would not address it in the moment but would hide it away, basically in hope that it will all sort out by itself.t rarely does as I see how it accumulates into more thoughts and then finally some physical expression where I just become possessed by these thoughts  and play them out without much control over myself and what I do. Then it’s too late and I stand as usually regretting my actions yet again playing out the pattern of getting the most consequence that would move me into change.

So here I place for myself the question – is it necessary to go through all this or is there another way? And the answer is- of course there is another way and that is to get to some real, actual self-movement and basically become and learn and teach myself to become more specific in dealing with my world and reality which is taking on the various points that I face in the moment and direct them immediately instead of waiting long period to see the consequence play out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I have lived in my reality according to the belief that I can change myself only through consequence rather than finding the strength and discipline within me to take action of prevention

I commit myself to stop this pattern and investigate all the dimensions of where and how I accepted this belief within me and in this remove it through the realization that is absolutely unnecessary to go through manifested consequence in order to make changes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how this accepted pattern was infiltrating and influencing all of my existence and how I justified it by claiming that this is the deep nature of the people from within my origin country where in this I was holding on and playing out this pattern instead of making the decision to no longer allow and accept this to be a part of my existence, especially now that I have seen the pattern and realized how destructive and unnecessary this pattern really is

I commit myself to delete this belief and realize the simplicity of the solution where instead of waiting for consequence I sit down with myself each day and work on all those points that are busy accumulating into the consequence and in working with them I utilize writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements to clean myself and thus create a brighter future without having to go through pain and trouble to get where I want within my process of change

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Day 251: It’s All in the Words we Speak

 

Upon meting an old friend and communicating with him for a while it was very clear to see how the words he is speaking are actually defining and crystallizing his reality. The long sighs sounded like last breaths of hope and everything was just gloom and doom. Without hesitation I made him aware of how he is using his words and the whole body language to maintain his undesirable state. He saw the point and for the rest of our interaction we were catching and correcting the language to thus reprogram the mind to get a different outcome. We also went back to see where these gloom patterns started to emerge so we could see and understand a little the process of this creation.

So after this little encounter I asked myself where and how I am doing the same in my reality. I mean I am surely not completely satisfied with how my life is progressing in terms of where I want to stand in the system and how I move myself in the process of self-realization. And since then I am starting to see more and more how I am using the words in the same manner as I have seen my friend to do. His case was an extreme one where within me I had to notice more subtle, yet still obvious, forms of self-sabotage.

So the meaning of the words “place a guard in front of your mouth” is becoming more and more clear to me. However the words, as it was found through research, constitute about 7% of total communication while the rest is expressed through other means that also represent who we are in the moment. So in this then the Guard must be placed not only in front of the mouth but in front of all other body parts that communicate what we accept and allow within ourselves.

With some assistance of my partner I became aware of some major patterns within me where through my words I was clearly indicating that I am not changing but maintaining over and over the same constructs of destructive behavior. So there is a lot of work to be done and in this every thought, every movement, every interaction counts.

DIP Lite is a perfect place for all who are willing to begin this type of journey into understanding self in utmost detail and though that to learn how to change oneself for real. The evidence that this can be done and is actually being done on a daily basis by people who are actually applying the presented tools, is clearly seen in 7 year journey To Life blogs.

Day 250: Intelligence Character

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So I have just become aware of a point that has always been here but never entered my radar for actual investigation. Somehow I shunned the experience as the thoughts, imaginations, fantasies, hopes around this point away as not relevant. It’s strange to suddenly see and realize that something that I have been participating in and as for so long, which became almost unquestionable part of me, is actually an obstruction, a splinter in my mind that is not allowing me to move effectively in my process.

That point is the great desire to acquire intelligence. Now when I am observing this point in my mind various memories open up to show me how much I was actually seeking to become an intelligent being and so become able to demonstrate this intelligence in my reality gaining thus the value within self-perception. It seems now that every moment that I spent in the mind I was inflicted with this desire and only moments where I was actually remaining here in and as my breath I was able to, for a moment, let go of this desire and even laugh at myself and the struggle that I am putting myself through. It was always a refreshing experience but never a lasting one because as soon as I would give way for the mind to take over and direct my life it would again do the same what it always did, what I, without real awareness, programmed it to do.

Now the questions I am asking myself is what it is exactly that I was seeking? What is this intelligence to me? What forms does it take? In what contexts I was mostly desiring it? How did I want to utilize this intelligence? Essentially the question is what was my starting point in wanting and desiring to become an intelligent being?

Now the dictionary definition says that intelligence is: the ability to comprehend, to understand and profit from experience

That is pretty accurate definition of how I was living this word and especially the word profit is relevant as it shows the self-interest as foundational goal in utilizing intelligence. So whenever the first two conditions would be achieved – the comprehension and understanding of something, the profit part would also follow. In any case that took some form of Ego boost as apparently I was becoming MORE within this newly acquired understanding.

To be continued…

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Day 249: Consolidating Myself into Self-Destructive Characters

Day in and day out, within each breath that I take I exist as some thoughts or reactions or some emotions and feelings. During this time in whatever I participate most in my mind – I become that.

What happens is the consolidation of the behavior patterns. Meaning: what gets most attention in my mind throughout prolonged period, the things in which I spend most of the time, they become “the norm”, as if “that is the way it is, as it has always been”. Now what I am noticing about myself is that I am beginning to consolidate myself into a certain characters that are not what’s best for me and for all, and so in time they grow stronger thus becoming the main characters gaining all the ground and fighting for survival in most effective ways. In this then the change becomes more difficult.

The characters I exist in and as are familiar to me, they are ME, all that I have ever known – so I believe. The memory is very short and I am not even able to remember who I was before developing my main characters I currently exist as. Who I was when I was still a child knowing nothing nor understanding the concepts of self-definition – like being inadequate, inferior, unworthy, anxious etc. All that was programmed later in my life – I mean, I have undergone “education” process at home by parents and at school where all of that was taught in and outside the classrooms. Later the television told me another vision of what it is that I should aspire and become equal to – yet again creating more separation and judgment towards the real characters that I have become. So all is designed to produce hope in us just to make sure we do not see directly at reality as that surely will make us angry and we will surely challenge the status quo

Yet who is allowing all that? It’s me, I am allowing myself to be inferior to these characters, mostly by judging them, judging myself for existing in and as these characters and in this way consolidating them into and as myself. In this I have a hate and love relationship with them, loving them perhaps 1% and hating 99%. So it’s kind of strange how in this change can be difficult, yet when we look at the whole our world all exists in the same principle – where 1% of world populations controls the 99%. That is mostly because the 99% is so divided between each other that no agreement can be reached. I wonder now if that same applies to me in this character game? I suppose so where this 99% of my time is spent in self-blame, self-judgment, all the negative predominant aspects of my life while the 1% of the positivity that remains keeps me from going mad, turning tables and taking definitive actions to change.

So the process is to shun away that 1% realizing that it’s only a cover tactic, an energetic blanket of positive feelings covering the reality that is here all the time. Then I remain standing “in the rain” and have to move myself to solve the shit. In this I force myself to understand the causes of my negativity and all the troubles troubling me. After this follows the solution where I redesign myself to stand and apply myself with necessary corrective actions and do it constantly and consistently until I consolidate myself as a new character that is beneficial for myself and all life.

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Day 248: Waiting for the Answer

 

 

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for an answer from outside source instead of giving myself the answer and living that answer in physical reality where I can test that answer and see if the answer was the answer or I need to give myself another answer and so I continue the process if self-investigation through real practical application until the answer I give myself is practical, livable and effective where in this process I develop self-trust as knowing that I am able to find solutions to every obstacle that I encounter in my reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a slave waiting for instructions from outside resisting to take full responsibility for my life where whenever something “bad” happens I can play dumb claiming that I am not the one making the decisions, I am just a slave here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become accustomed to the live of being a little slave unwilling to give up the little things that bring me pleasure – like happily trotting along, participating within thoughts and fantasies of the mind where I remain blind to the harsh reality in and around me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fantasize about braking free from the clutches of self-inflicted slavery but do nothing substantial to make this happen for real, especially when I know in exact detail what needs to be done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within seeing the reality of myself as what I have become as the slave and then within seeing the possible potential that exists within me to make the decision to remain unchanged for a little longer, basically fooling myself that there is time and I can still allow myself to play around for a while and only then get serious about the reality not realizing within that how the mind has played a trick on me where in this the potential is lost and I am fully lost as a slave in the fields bending my back to support my survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage every opportunity that I have to break free from the mind control where I keep falling and spinning within stupidity cycles instead of stopping the carousel and applying that which know is effective tools of real living

I commit myself to when and as I start complaining and/or becoming depressed about my current state that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in to stop and breathe within realizing that I have blamed myself long enough and also realize that this blame served only as further self-enslavement mechanism to remain stuck – thus I commit myself to stop all blaming and simply live the answer which I know holds the key to freedom

I commit myself to identify and understand the techniques of the mind through which I have enslaved myself and in this ensure that I no longer succumb to them and so move myself in the direction of existing potential where I discover and expand myself beyond the comfy limitations that I grew accustomed to

 

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Day 247: Missing Life of Awareness through the Process of Automation

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This point of absolute unawareness has been coming more frequently these days where in the newspapers we read stories of crimes committed, even by children, where after the incident people have absolutely no clue what and how it happened. In this a great concern arises as the factor of unpredictability is rapidly increasing and one can only guess when something bad can happen. To understand this phenomenon it’s enough to look at our own lives and see similar instances where we do something without any awareness but purely within automatic mode of movement.

I really became concerned on this topic after one event that happened to me at my house. I was lying comfortably in my bed when I decided to go and get the scissors so that I could cut my nails. I was keeping the scissors always in a specific place on my table. So I stood up from the bed and walked towards the table to get the scissors but to my huge surprise nothing was there. I still kept looking around for a while but eventually I gave up and simply walked back to my bed where to my, another, bigger, surprise I saw the scissors already lying by the pillow. That means only that I have already walked, just now, to the table and got them and have put them on my bed, yet this whole event was done in such an automatic mind state that I couldn’t remember anything. So that gave me quite a huge fright making me think how much more I might be missing but not finding it out as I did now. I even asked myself the question whether one day when the time to die will be close I will “wake up” and see that I have missed my entire life. I mean I hear that a lot from old folks, so is this my faith as well?

So what it is that drives the boat in these instances when we are not here? The automatic Mind as we programmed it in time. Now what determines the programing, the input that is placed into our minds? Everything – the parents from the day we are born, television since we are allowed to spend endless hours in front of it, the knowledge and information of those that’s gone before us in the schools, all the friends and acquaintances that we interact with on a daily basis. So now it’s a matter of coincidence what we are exposed to within our environment – when we are born our parents can be alcoholics having endless fights with each other – already here we can determine/predict what the outcome/life of child born into these circumstances will be, what behavior programs will determine and direct all the choices and decisions of this little being in the future and we can also predict what will the whole life on earth be like, as that child is a part of the whole.

I remember when I had a temporary job as a taxi driver in my town, this was an amazing opportunity to meet people that I normally would never meet as we humans have the tendency to remain within the circle/bubble of people that are alike us. Yet working this job I faced many social groups and in this was my first shock of how some people, and here, especially my emphasis was on children, that had absolutely dysfunctional parents. I was raised in a normal family, having all the necessary support and understanding and also some common sense approaching “life” in general. Yet here I started meeting people with absolutely distorted view on reality and the saddest things is that they had children, who had no choice but to be with those people/parents, learn from them and eventually become like them. Here I am talking mostly about families that were heavily into alcoholism or drugs, or some type of mischievous behavior. I had a few opportunities to interact with those children where they shared with me their experiences and this made me depressed for a while as I didn’t see any solution in sight for how to make sure that these children do not follow in the footsteps of their parents. When I looked into it there was nothing that could be done – there are no appropriate institutions that could determine the quality of specific families and in case of seeing the existent disharmony take the children away and provide with what’s best for them. That doesn’t exist in this system. If the family has some money and if they are not beating the brains out of their children – they are allowed to keep them. I mean they are allowed to give birth in the first place without having any assessment by some professionals of some “quality life assessment for future children agency”. No, don’t have that.

So there are no guarantees that when you come into this earth you will have a sound life, where you will be embraced fully as a new life entering this world to enjoy, express and contribute in your own individual way to this reality.

I mean that’s WHY having faced all that and not seeing any solution in sight, not even seeing that anyone would even talk or be concerned about it, I embraced fully the proposal of Equal Money System where such simple things as QUALITY LIFE would become a Human Right for all.

Who can disagree that an innocent child entering this reality does not deserve to be in the best possible conditions to experience life on earth? There is a following statement in the proposed BILL OF RIGHTS within Equal Money Foundation:

3. An Equal Right of Safety and Security for every Child, so that a life free of fear, insecurity and trauma is assured, a life in which parental guidance is balanced with freedom of expression and lived within an environment of creativity and joy so that every Child grows into his or her utmost potential as a unique expression of Life Itself.

We all know that this must become a reality, that there is no excuse for the suffering of children and we have to finally meet and agree on basic points where we all could stand UNITED.

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Day 246: Are our Choices Free?

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Countless experiments show and revel how we as human can and are influenced by the advertisements that shoot at us from every corner during our waking day. The corporations spend hundreds of thousands perfectly knowing that it will pay off and the product or service or an idea they are pushing will be set into the minds of people who eventually will become believers/customers. For that experienced psychologists are hired that know to the specificity how feelings and emotions function in humans and how and where to place the correct triggers to produce the desired responses.

Now what is interesting within this is that we humans keep claiming the right to have the freedom to choose, not realizing within this that what I mentioned above completely destroys that freedom as our choices are completely determined by the effectiveness of the corporations and their psychologists to influence our minds. When we make our daily decisions countless factors enter the equation in this calculating every variable, every image, every word, every memory that is associated with that specific decision we are looking to make – and here is where our freedom is lost as we are absolutely unaware of all the influences that moves us to make that choice. Our input decides the output and so that’s why the corporations ensure that they control the input by all means scaling the decision formula in our minds towards their desired outcome.

So how come we are allowing the corporations to direct and determine who we are and what is happening to our earth’s resources that these corporations so dearly claim. We find ourselves divided and unable to come all together and decide upon that which is best for us all. Our opinions/views are in contradiction with each other and there is no clear view into the reality of things. While this is happening the time is running out and more and more people are being robbed of all basic human rights – where even water is being privatized and made a commodity rather than being what it is – a freely provided resource by planet earth that belongs equally to all.

So until we allow ourselves to be brainwashed and stripped from common sense where all decisions we make are biased and are not in the interest of all life but supporting certain agendas – we will not become a united majority that we can be.

It is important thus here to finally establish basic points upon which we ALL could agree and stand for. UNITED. What are the basic Human Rights that we can agree upon?

Here is what we are suggesting, CHECK OUT and make your vote
The Equal Life Foundation – Bill of Rights

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Day 245: True Grit and Happiness

Problem

We humans have become unable to see and seek long-term goals of true happiness but became absolutely possessed about achieving instant/short-term gratifications that we have made to be the goal of our lives. And this happens at a cost which we will find and realize only in the long-term, and which, as I just wrote, we are so far unable to see. Ok, I mean we ARE able to see with our physical eyes by just looking at factual data that is available and is depicting, specifically, all self-destructive ways in which we exist, but we are not able to understand the true implications of that information as we are so unwilling to let go of that desire to get the quick fix, to get our pleasurable experiences. We are desperate to get them because most of the time we exist in agony.
Drink a bottle of beer and whatever issue you are dealing with will just disappear, you can relax your mind for a moment (weekends ring a bell?). Yes, for a moment as it returns in another moment tenfold and so you need another bottle to continue the exponentially growing cycle. Then your liver fails. Oops, In that case it’s then not seeing the long-term effect/consequences but experiencing them, which in many ways is already too late, the damage is already done and some things cannot be reversed.
So where did we become such brainwashed weaklings unable to see the obvious? Haven’t our responsible parents explain the rules of this physical reality and how everything functions when we were born? Isn’t that the first thing to teach the child?
There is no proof that they did. Then perhaps our parents are not really responsible beings? Maybe they were drinking away or suppressing their problems in other ways and have never dealt with them and simply transferred all that to further generations to hopefully for them to sort things out?
We have been running too long from our problems and in this way abdicating all the responsibility to our automatic mind systems of management and we can no longer view and assess our reality in common sense consideration. Critical thinking skills have been left behind and lost through parenting and ineffective schooling systems that only aim to produce obedient slaves to the world system, which only a few can understand and benefit from.
We have become so weak and helpless that there is no more vigor and grit left within us to seek solutions and so we became complacent and content with only little/ short-term feel good experiences that the system provides for us by our own desire.

Solution

After all that’s been done to us by our unaware predecessors we still have to stop ourselves from continuing within the same cycles of self-destruction and in this find ways to develop and nourish within ourselves the TRUE GRIT.

‘True gritters’ show perseverance, tenacity, ‘perseverance and passion for long-term goals’, and are tenacious, not easily distracted and not discouraged by setbacks. – From an article in daily news

So here the inner strength is important as within this journey of change we have to go against years and years of programming that we have accepted and allowed and actually have become. Still I am sure, as I am sure about myself, that within most people there is still a spark of life burning and calling to take action in the name of what is best for all.
The realization in this is important – that we have absolutely nothing to lose by moving towards change apart from the illusion that we call living. In this stupidity of action is inadvisable as I am sure many would like to resort upon starting to see and understand the nature of the problems we face. In this case I am afraid the principle of homeopathy will not work and stupidity will not cure stupidity. For once we must become mature and realize the true actions that need to be taken for the change to become a reality. We’ve been taking the easy way out forever and the good thing about that is that now we know that it doesn’t work and different approach is required.

“Nothing is easier than to denounce the evil doer; Nothing more difficult than understanding him.” – Fyodor Dostoevsky

There is a process that takes many years of self-commitment through self-education where all pieces of self are taken apart and explored in great detail through the realization that only by getting to know ourselves we can understand the reality as a whole and become thus the integral PARTicipant in bringing change through this understanding.

Reward

The end of dull “life” and re-establishment of that which truly matters and is the real source of real happiness.

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Day 244: Mr. Nice Guy is not so Nice

 

I have this ever persisting personality/character that I have accepted myself to be and exist as throughout my life. No matter what would happen in my reality I would always try to find the nice way to approach each situation. Rationalizations were many – like “this way is more efficient and practical”, “you have to do unto another what you want them to do unto you” –this last one is a smart one, and with it I fooled myself rather effectively, where basically I have denied myself the real support from my environment, meaning that there are situations where Right Now you just need a good “scream” from someone for you to actually realize what you are doing where in in this you Hopefully wake up and do something about it.

So I never gave this “gift” to others, I received, but didn’t give and what’s interesting is that in the long term I was always grateful to those who screamed at me and woke me up because I could see that there was no other way I would have understood the point.

One of the reasons I could never make myself do it is because I didn’t want to be rude, unfriendly or appear as a bad person. I preferred being “supportive” character trying to score points for this “goodness” so that people could say – this guy is cool.

Supporting another for REAL and in this scoring a negative attitude towards self was unacceptable to me. So in reality the question arises- can such a person be called benign or caring? I would say NO because the one that truly cares would do anything that is required to be done in the moment to truly assist another, even if that means becoming hated or despised.

It is the Fear that was always the ruler of me. The fear of negativity basically. What was missed by me within this is the fact that we as humans exist as negative beings from the very foundation of who we have become – in this the whole reality is the proof of that. So it’s obvious that avoidance and fear of negativity – is the avoidance and fear of REALITY not dealing with what is real ensures that no solutions can be truly found.

So, when in my world in reality I would come across beings that would represent this point of negativity I was grateful for showing me what is real. Of course most of those beings never had a choice in this as they simply embodied this negativity within them and played it out without any awareness. Still in this the reality could be seen as it was mostly clear that there are no hidden agendas as all was just here in your face. Whereas the “nice guy” is never clear about true intentions, all the activities are happening deep inside the secret mind and all that is presented to the outside world is the positively shaped and designed representation. Watch out for the knife in your back mister.

Surely we cannot now let loose completely our negative nature that we have suppressed in ourselves as that would create absolute mayhem and we would basically cut each other’s throats as we do that in our secret minds where nobody can see us, so we think. Yet it is important to start dealing with it and actually understanding how we create our reality until that negativity that grows within each doesn’t get too powerful and claim total control of our behavior. Now when you read the news every day in the newspaper – what do you think is happening?

So I realize now the importance of growing real guts and so becoming able to face my own negativity and together all the negativity that I face in my world and reality. I see the importance to remain stable and not get lost in fear upon facing the badness of existence. I absolutely begin to realize that there is only one tiny line that is protecting me from facing the true horror of this reality – that is MONEY. And in this I understand that it’s better to face it self-willingly rather than be forced into it unprepared.

 

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