Day 299: New Job and the Discovery of Stress

I have started a new job recently and in this position I’ve had moments that were rather intense. Throughout my life I have pretty much avoided any responsibility and all the jobs I had in the past were essentially an easy ride for me. I did observe the people who would get stressed in their jobs and I could not relate or understand how you get to such a point.

In this new job, however, my understanding expanded and I have had the moments where it seemed like I was on the edge of breaking down because of the workload and the pressure to get things done. Despite these moments being tough I found that they are also an opportunity to expand and break the limitations I had about what is possible. Essentially what I have learned is that when those intense moments come there is no time for thinking, no time for distraction and all the focus and attentions must be absolutely here on the task. I was satisfied with myself after being able to manage these moments and each time when the same moments with same intensity came I was able to find my stability more quickly and be more effective.

So I am glad that I am finally learning what it means to focus myself on something so completely and where you get things done for real. It took me a long time to get to this point because I resisted change a lot, I was always fearing and anticipating the worst, holding also the belief that I require more and more preparation to start something without realizing that there is only so much you can prepare and that without real application of the knowledge there is no improvement possible.

In this little journey I found that there are many factors which determine how we will handle stress and most are within our ability to direct and perfect ourselves within yet what I also found is that the system is sometimes too demanding thus pushing individuals too hard without considering their needs and abilities.

I have seen people being constantly under stress and where that stress is accumulating from day to day leading to undesirable consequences. In this blog I would like to note one important factor I have noticed which revels quite accurately that there are problems. And that is SLEEP patterns. This seems to be a prevalent problem in our current work environment. I have spoken to many people and it is obvious that it’s a big issue which is not addressed and given the significance it deserves. When I started working in my new position I have worked very long hours but at the same time I noticed that I also required longer sleeping hours to “digest” all the new information so to speak and it worked very well where the next day I would wake up with a clear mind ready to take the new challenges of the day. When this cycle is disturbed the challenges become burdens which accumulate and may lead to mental and physical exhaustion. Here are some very supportive blogs on this subject for anyone having sleep issues:

Oh! Good night’s rest, Good night’s rest…wherefore art thou Good night’s rest

Sleeping: Trying to fight a losing battle

To Sleep or Not to Sleep – the Dilemma with Tiredness

When I want to Sleep my problems away – yet my problems keep me Awake…

It’s unfortunate that the system we live in sometimes places unreasonable demands by forcing us, through the fear of survival, to keep working and producing results without considering simple, common sense needs of the individuals. So by doing the best we can in our individual lives we also have to pay attention and seek bigger solutions that would challenge the current system to change it into one that considers real physical needs of all humans as well as animals and plants. I support the movement of “Living Income Guaranteed” which addresses these issues by providing practical solutions to our sleepless nights.

More on Stress:

Is it Possible For Stress to be Constructive?

 

Day 293: Being in Agreement with Myself that Change is Required

I have a blocked nose, some head and eye pain for a few days now which most likely at this point is due to environmental factors such as wind, heat and cold of which I have plenty here. I speculate that my movement in terms of accepting a new position/responsibility at work which required of me to break quite a few deep character patterns has in a way weakened my established constitution thus making me more susceptible to outside influences.

I can still experience a sort of battle within me where the old and the new meet. I have decided within myself that I will no longer procrastinate and wait for changes to happen but that I will take initiative and go with the decisions that empower me. The past, as my thoughts of fear, anxiety, insecurity, laziness and also desires to indulge in positive energy experiences are still coming up where in this I am standing with my decision in front of me and I refuse to follow my old patterns and I refuse to succumb to the influences which were producing only the negative consequences very well proven in time.

I accept those fears, the anxieties, and the desires realizing that they have been a part of me for a very long time and thus it will take some time to transform that. I do not resist or judge those parts of me but I support myself by giving myself the credit for making the small steps to stand. The saying that later is better than never is cool. So all parts of me are here and we all walk hand in hand realizing that the change is necessary and that what we are doing is for the better.

Now in terms of this transition from the old into the new I found the aphorism made by the founder of homeopathy Samuel Hahnemann very supportive. Even though he speaks about the role of a physician when dealing with a disease still we can view it from the perspective of us being our own physicians who are dealing with our dis-ease that was preventing us to live truly fulfilling lives:

“The highest ideal of cure is rapid, gentle and permanent restoration of the health, or removal and annihilation of the disease in its whole extent, in the shortest, most reliable, and most harmless way, on easily comprehensible principles.”

Even though the reality is often different and we experience quite a turmoil when dealing with change the above point can serve as a guideline towards which we can strive by perfecting ourselves each time we face the challenges of change from a dis-eased state into a healthier one.

Now in terms of “comprehensible principles” mentioned in the text here I would like to mention one of them which was and is extremely supportive for me at this point in time on this journey of change. That is the point of judgment – of Self and others. And that is because I am noticing that, at least in the beginning, I am making a lot of mistakes. In the past this would have stopped me and I would have fallen back into my usual self-limiting patterns where I feel comfortable and where I would not push myself nor expand nor try new things. Now by dealing with this fear of failure, and again by using another useful principle of writing and investigating myself, I can accept the fuck-ups I make and just move on. It’s truly liberating. Try it!!! And another interesting thing is that once I started supporting myself in this and removing the self-judgments, the others around me also started supporting me and giving a thumbs up, even when I did some really ridiculous mistakes lol. So I am really grateful to many people in my reality for standing as that support in those moments when I really needed it. That gives great motivation to go on and be the same for others

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Visit the “Desteni I Process Lite”course that has been launched for all those who are willing to understand,  in practical self-application, the reality of self

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Day 290: Don’t Sit on Your Mistakes

All people make mistakes, but what separates us from each other is how we deal with those mistakes. Some of us will be dragged down and create even more self-doubt while others focus on immediate resolution not allowing the past to haunt them.

Throughout my life I was mostly the former type of guy where the mistakes I made would create a downward spiral where my mind would latch itself with every detail of the mistake and the fear with further projection of things going wrong would become a constant companion. It is not hard to see how this state of mind would in fact produce further complications. My behavior, the words I spoke would resonate that self-doubt, the fear and the uncertainty into my interactions with other people and I am absolutely sure that people do pick up on that and essentially reflect you back to yourself. Also this mind state of fear and self-doubt would act like a safety wall ensuring I do not get close to situations where I can possibly make mistakes thus manifesting fear into a physical level, where I was living it completely.

Now all this was basically a constant negative experience and the greatest desire was to find a way to end it. Now there are a few ways to do that and it’s either by facing the fears and finding the solution at the core, or, as I have done, which is to create short-term escape mechanisms to make myself feel better and forget about my reality for a moment. These would be things like immersing myself into prolonged sessions of watching entertaining movies and videos, occasionally doing some drugs and also watching pornography as the greatest tool to ignore reality and forget myself, at least until I was done and had to face another day. So to make things much worse on top of the initial fear, self-doubt and uncertainty in relation to making mistakes I added layers of shame and guilt and now from here the real solution seemed very far away.

Existing in this vicious cycle for many years and proving to myself beyond doubt that if I continue like this my life will be an absolute disaster filled with regret and anger at myself for not taking charge for who I am in time. It seems there is a line, crossing which I don’t really want to know what happens. Perhaps in can be viewed as another mistake only on a bigger scale and where again you’ll have to make a choice of you will you be. There is, of course, the end line at some point.

So from here my focus shifted in how to become that other guy, the one that can remain standing tall when mistakes are made, the one who immediately starts looking, finding and applying solutions. To get closer to this I started observing the people around me that possessed these qualities. This was very supportive in this process. Not surprisingly those people were in higher position within the system. They were not afraid of responsibility and they were not taken aback by the occasional mistakes they made.

Having equipped myself now with this new knowledge of how to deal with my mistakes I still had to test it in real live situation. The moment came and so I was faced with myself and the potential for change. The awareness wasn’t immediate and initially upon making a mistake at work I went the usual route of beating myself up and projecting gloom and doom. Only later that night I slowed myself down and upon seeing that I am, again, going down the same old path and then viewing my whole life in relation to that and that it just cannot continue like that I did stop myself and shifted my mind to the new thinking. I told myself that I will not allow myself to ruin myself for this mistake and that no matter what happens I will go out there the next day and I will not bend my head to anyone but I will stand tall and not fear but welcome more responsibility. The same night I have also looked more closely at the mistake I have done and what factors played in my making of this mistake and having identified the main causes I am now more aware and I know what I should watch out for when performing tasks thus I can prevent such mistakes from ever happening again.

Next day came and I was amazed at myself how quickly and easy, also rewarding and enjoyable it was to participate with others with not from this position of fear and self-doubt but being confident, being present and essentially a part of the team. I realize that it’s good for no one to have the so called drop-outs who bring the spirit of the team down, isolate themselves and wallow in self-pity. So it was cool to be able to forgive self for the past and move on.

Day 288: Constructive Relationships

I have observed some change within myself for some time now in relation to how i approach relationships in my reality. Trying to explain it I would say this in terms of how I changed within my focus and what I pay attention to when being with others. Here I mean that my focus when interacting with people shifted more into questions like– what it is that can I learn from them? What good qualities they have that I could incorporate into my own living and thus become more effective?

In the past it was slightly different because being with people and when, for example, seeing some cool qualities they expressed I would simply start comparing myself and in this experiencing negative emotions for not having/possessing those qualities. When having this emotional layers of, basically, self-judgment I was never able to really, practically view those qualities observed in another and see how I relate to that. I would get depressed and feel inferior and then try to compensate for this feeling and try to find where I am better than this person and so it went in endless comparison cycles of polarity. This type of relation I realized is useless and it‘s much better to learn from each other and when possible assist each other in that process.

 
This shift in focus opened up many new opportunities to be able to make practical changes in my daily living. There are so many people and I started noticing that many of them have parts/qualities within them that are like gemstones that I can collect and practice and test in my own reality.

To give an example I have this colleague at work whom I have been observing and through that found an interesting and very valuable quality that he possesses. That is when he makes a decision about something there is no time gap to act upon it and he does that so fully as if he is going ahead with all his beingness and he doesn’t stop until he gets what he wants or until he exhausted all possible means. What is not so cool is that sometimes in this process he doesn’t consider other people and how they are affected through his actions.

 
So taking this observation of how this guy moves in his reality I started slowly practicing to also act on my decisions in a more assertive way, because before I was extensively overthinking in this process and, yes, I still do sometimes give too much thought to things and compromise my physical actions in that way. Meaning that, instead of acting and doing things in the physical reality I do them in my mind, like I would have conversations with people that I want to approach or where I am projecting in my mind the whole play out of a possible situation out into the future. I am not saying that these things are bad when done for the purpose to try and oversee some possible outcomes etc, but I go too far where within my projections I feel like it’s already done, I take the projections too far basically. When later I act in my physical reality and something goes not like I planned it in my mind I go into a reaction because the whole projection that I created is not valid anymore, so my house of cards collapses.

 
To have a better look at this point I listened to a very supportive interview called “Thirst for Knowledge – Journeys Into the Afterlife – Part 69“on EQAFE where it was explained that it is important to realize that we cannot know everything and some situations will turn out completely different than what we imagined them to be and in this it’s important to develop and have self-trust and the knowing that no matter what happens I will find a way, and if mistakes are made it’s not a big deal as long as I learn from them and move forward.

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Visit the “Desteni I Process Lite”course that has been launched for all those who are willing to understand,  in practical self-application, the reality of self

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Heaven’s Journey to Life

Day 211: Meeting the Parts of Self

It is a rather interesting period here in my work environment where I have a chance to meet more and more new people that come to replace, for various reasons, the usual crew that I work with. So each time that happens I am anticipating already to see who is coming now and what that person represents as a part of me.

I mean obviously this whole outer world as we see it, as it currently works and functions is a representation/a mirror of who we are inside of ourselves, yet it is important to begin this journey by getting to know ourselves as the ME and the immediate surroundings where within that we learn how to move and direct and manage the ME as the thoughts, feelings, emotions and so the actions and the spoken words that we produce in a way where the outcome is achieved according to the principles that we set for ourselves. I see this as a journey that requires extended amount of time as the level of accepted and allowed automated systematic behavior patterns according to which we as humans function is very deeply ingrained into our beingness. Yet, as there is nothing else to do in this world, unless of course you want to drown and disappear into self-created mind existence without any comprehension about the bigger reality of who we are, we have to begin the investigation inside and outside right here where we are and from here expand slowly within our understanding and responsibility.

So what I was saying is that within my investigation of myself as the mind it is very supportive to see and observe the people in the proximity as they enter my immediate space to show me who I am. Within this the responsibility is to see, understand and accept, and so transcend the patterns that do not represent what is best for all. I am not talking here about forcing to change others because it’s all about self, so I am able to check myself by seeing all the processes that are happening in my mind while interacting with other beings.

So currently I am facing yet another part of myself and it’s a very cool experience as I am learning a lot about myself. Initially I found myself reacting quite a bit to certain behavior patterns that this being represents and so I have this great opportunity to apply necessary corrections. The main question I ask myself whenever I find the reaction to a behavior is – where in my world and reality I do the same behavior? Here by giving myself the answers I grow in my awareness about who I am. I have already seen some nasty parts within myself and so I applied, in the moment, self-forgiveness aloud to so release such points like self-judgment, self-blame and other non-supportive mind creations. It’s becoming a process where when I make a mistake, I immediately apply self-forgiveness and decide upon a new behavior and go back to check if I am standing within and as the correction. If not then going back to the board in search for new solutions.

I will continue with my findings in the next blog

 

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Creation’s Journey to Life

Day 116: From Imagination back to the Physical

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the illusions of the mind where I create my alternate reality for a moment escaping my actual reality

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ground myself here in the physical and stop the illusions that I create in my mind about things I want to do and accomplish

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste my time on daydreaming about my future instead of walking practical steps required to build effective living experience – doing the necessary research and investigation by talking to people, gathering information online, making the decision about the direction I want to take and practically living my decision until it is done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others who are within positions that I desire to be in where within that I go into inferiority experience not realizing that by doing that I lock myself into an idea of myself instead of practically assessing my position and practically moving myself with all the resources I have available at the moment towards creating more effective living experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fog of ideas that I gathered here and there and then based on this information make my decisions instead of giving myself the time and effort to actually gather reliable information and move in equality with physical rules/functioning of the current system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have created pessimistic/negative view/idea on the available future prospects in regard to being able to grow within this system and thus while holding onto this idea I was seeing/collecting only the information/knowledge that supports my idea/view

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am actually fearful to expand/grow/change because who I am currently as all my beliefs/ideas/perceptions/behaviors is “working out” for me where my survival in this system is secured and stable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that life is not about survival where I just remain as who I am until the day I die but it’s about actual living which means constant movement/expansion/growth and self-direction within seeing what this world and me within this world have become and within this realization taking action to do whatever it takes to correct and direct myself and my reality towards new living experience where it’s is no longer based on fear and survival but on the realization that we are all here together and that by taking care of each other as equals we can make this world a cool place to be for ourselves and generations to come

 

I commit myself to descend to this physical reality out of my mind alternate realities and face and deal with the actuality that is here

I commit myself to move myself within taking actions and making decision based on practical consideration of real facts where within that I do not allow any energetic experiences within me to direct or influence my movement

I commit myself to stop all comparison as I can see that it only creates energetic experiences that do not allow me to remain here but move me through the polarities of the mind where within that I am never able to see my reality as it is

I commit myself to remove all my ideas/opinions/perceptions of how the system functions and look at everything with new eyes that are not influenced/manipulated by anything or anyone

I commit myself to remove the fear of self-movement directed towards growth and expansion by realizing that existing “safely” based solely on survival is not a life worth living

 

Read for support:

Day 41 – Energetically Charged Decision-Making

Day 42 – Energetically Charged Decision-Making – Self-Forgiveness/Correction Statements

The Job I have VS The Job I Want – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 65

Making a Decision – An Artists Journey to Life: Day 39

 

 

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7 Year Journey to Life

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EQAFE

Equal Money System 

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Creation’s Journey to Life 

Earth’s Journey to Life

Day 115: “Imagination” character

 

Ok so this point came up today where I have seen how within communication with my work colleagues we are just daydreaming basically where we imagine/fantasize about what we would like to do instead of actually making practical investigation and actually taking practical steps to achieve our goals.  What we do is we look at people that have higher positions/higher incomes and we imagine ourselves being in those positions and how cool it would be to be where they are. From here the usual pattern is to enter the fantasy phase creating different scenarios of how we could become more influential/have higher income jobs. So I have seen today how actually desperate that all is and how stupidly that sounds and where within that I was angered with myself for allowing myself to exist in this state of basically giving up on myself and being at peace about the position I am where there is no actual consideration about reality and how we can move ourselves to become what we want to become. In that moment of seeing where I was participating I started to bring the fantasizing minds back to reality and looking physically/practically at the possibilities/steps we could take to make our dreams a reality. This wasn’t easy as the minds where constantly turning/directing the reality into imaginations that have no possibility to be manifested in our lives. So within that I saw that the mind has a point of hopelessness when seeing the actual road that has to be walked in order to actually expand and grow in living. Yet at the same time it was intriguing and motivational for all of us to consider the reality and self-honestly look at where we are and what we can do to make the change. There was certainly lack of clarity about knowing what one actually wants to do and what one could do based on the accumulated skills throughout one’s life.

Also I have seen within that that there was like an acceptance/making peace with the placement of where one finds oneself as if that is unchangeable/not for me/not in this lifetime. As if existing only in hope that something/somewhere might happen and in some miraculous way we will achieve our goals. Within that we then looked at the time/the years we are already here on this earth  and how we are actually wasting each year away without ever making significant decisions/steps towards a change. There are a lot of statements of “maybes”, “perhaps”, “hopefully” etc. that take all the power away from us and keeps within the state of inactions and indecisiveness.

So I am glad I noticed this pattern within myself and to become aware how I keep myself stuck in the current position – thus there is an urgent necessity to stop all imagination and bring myself back to reality and grow and expand in the REAL world instead expanding myself in the world of my imagination and hopes.

Will continue with Self-forgiveness statement for this allowance to hold myself stuck within powerless and hopelessness and thus return myself to practical living with real physical actions that stand on a strong decision to make something out of my life and move myself into a position of more power and responsibility where within that I always ensure that all my actions are always directed in bringing a world that is best for all and where no one ever has to envy another for where and who another is or how much money one makes.

 

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Earth’s Journey to Life

Day 35: Resistance is Futile

 

Today at work our superior got angry with us because we didn’t do the work that was expected and as a result of the little speech that we got from him we, as the group, went into the mode of resistance. The egos got hurt.  When observing my own mind I saw that I was in a fighting mode where on the one had I could understand that there is certain agreement that we made coming here and this includes obeying the commands of the superiors, I mean it’s how the system functions, yet still I was backchatting about this specific guy where I couldn’t understand why one has to be such a hardass and exert his control in depreciating people on matters that are completely irrelevant for the effective functioning of the system. So I blamed him for making it personal where he simply wanted to show that he is in control.

After the incident one of my colleagues started going through his memories in proving how bad is the guy and asked me to confirm that he is right. I gladly did.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist getting orders from my superior not realizing that what you resist persists meaning that through my resistance as energetic reactions I am simply feeding the whole system to remain as it is

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, understand and realize that the mind system in which we find ourselves in and as is dependent on energy that each one of us generate through our thoughts feelings and emotions thus my reactions towards receiving orders from the superior is keeping my mind system locked within the big system where I simply play my part of being energy generator

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the only way to stop the abuse of me and of all the other beings in existence is by stopping my participation within my thoughts, feelings and emotions where I no longer act as a generator of energy for the system and where within that I stand stable as my breath simply seeing the system as it is as mathematical codes as agreements by which we as humans move within the system and where within that I act accordingly without any personal attachments but by the principle of changing all the existing agreements of this world to the point where they consider equally all that is here on this earth and existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my superior where within that I created a relationship of superior/inferior towards him and where now I have to constantly and continually sustain this relationship through having thoughts feelings and emotions towards him and where I am lost as my breath unable to see the actuality of how the system operates and what has to be done to correct myself within it to be able to stand equal to it and from here make change within the agreements that this system exist in and as

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in gossip about my superior in trying to diminish him and uplift myself – basically fighting as my ego to hold my “honor” that was wounded by the actions of my superior

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the ego that can be hurt instead of realizing that the whole system simply functions according to specific rules and agreements and that reacting to and resisting the rules is totally useless but instead I have to stop taking things personally and educate myself specifically what are these rules and agreement that systems works by and within that move myself efficiently and effectively where I place myself within the system in a position where I can stand as a decision maker and thus create new rules and agreements that will honor all beings equally and where dignity of each being will be restored

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my superiors for the decisions they make instead of standing equal to them within realization that I have abdicated the decision making processes to them because of my unwillingness to take responsibility for myself and my reality

 

Thus I commit myself to educate myself about the functioning of the system to thus be able to stand equal to my superiors and where I can be heard as the voice of reason showing in common sense simplicity what we are actually doing by participating in this system that values profit above life

I commit myself remove all fear in communicating with my superior so that through communication with them I could stand equal to them and through communication revel slowly but surely the lives that we all accepted and allowed

I commit myself to stop all backtalking about any person where I turn backtalking into facetalking – where I realize that if fear to talk directly and face another being exists it means I am being self-dishonest and hiding self-interest

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Day 27: Testing Day 26

Continuing on the pattern of facing conflict. So as I opened the point yesterday and applied self-forgiveness and self-corrective application I was already more or less aware how I participate within this construct and what are the main components that constitute this pattern. Today I had an opportunity to test myself and see how I will handle my usual conflict situation. So having done this little self-investigation I basically knew where to place red flags when walking through it. I could see today that I was cycling over and over through the same pattern of behavior when having a conflict. It would always start with something little where I would do something to cause a reaction within another – then, taking the reaction personally, no matter how hard I would convince myself that it is not personal and that I should just move on, I would shut down within myself and slowly sink into my thoughts rethinking over and over that one point where the conflict bursted. In the end I would become resistant to communicate to people and through that I would cause more suppression and basically perpetuate the problem into something big within myself where I would even manifest that by acting with confusion and unawareness thus making more mistakes and thus causing more reactions as layers on the first one that I haven’t dealt with. That would last for some time until the energy runs out and I am again able to communicate normally.

So today after I caused the reaction and the cycle was about to spin out of control I walked away alone for a minute from all the people involved and I applied self-forgiveness aloud. Even though I haven’t scripted this behavior within my corrective statements I found that it’s the thing to do and actually very supportive. When I started speaking to myself I began to see the points of how I was acting, what I was doing, my expectations, blame, anger, self-judgments. Within that I could feel how I was unburdening myself from this weight of thoughts and emotions that I was so immersed within. So in this way I managed to return from the dead so to speak. And immediately after I was done I returned to my usual work environment and faced the people in it. I remember when I just opened the door and walked in – one of the guys said: “oh you’re alive”. I laughed and after a moment realized that yes he is right I made a decision to not go through with my self-programmed behavior pattern and better direct myself out of it – so yes being self-directive means to be alive as opposed to existing in an automated state of mind.

The whole chain of events that went from there was not easy because I felt really disorientated as I could see how the consequence of that initial moment was still paying out and it seemed that all the events happening were placed to break me into the old pattern – so I really had to be aware and focused in each moment and stand within myself in each moment making the decision to not give up. So it was really amazing at the end of the day to see that I didn’t break and didn’t give in into my usual way of “living”. Of course I realize that this one instant doesn’t mean yet that it’s done and I am over with dealing with this pattern that I relived so many times in my life. Perhaps it will take as many times to go through it within self-directive manner as it took to program myself in the destructive way. At least I was able to prove to myself that I am able to push myself and get it done.

One thing I still I noticed  that I didn’t enjoy was that within pushing myself to communicate with people I would often compromise myself by saying stupid things that I knew they expected from me. Here I mean the usual responses of how people communicate. So it’s like I directed myself out of the usual pattern of behavior but I didn’t direct it in a way that is best for all. Although when I look at it from another angle – I equalized myself with the environment which is the first step where the second is to then find ways how to direct it. So I am basically just within the first step where I stabilize myself in stopping my emotional cycles. From there, without being energy possessed I will be much more able to see my environment as it really is where then I can start looking into new directions of how to become the best I can be in relation to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my environment and that I will not be able to stand stable indefinitely

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an idea that constant awareness of self is very difficult and tiring where within that I want to give into my mind and relax within it giving it all the power to act for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect a fuckup that will cause me to go back into my old pattern of behavior

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my past is stronger than my ability to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change as it bring with it a lot self-responsibility that I believe I am not ready to handle

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that my old life sucks and thus I to really push myself to change and expand myself no matter how difficult it gets

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that if I resist change I will simply spin endlessly in the same cycles of behavior getting nowhere and that who I am now is just a mind consciousness system robot fully supporting the system through existing in thoughts, feelings and emotions and thus supporting all that this system stands for as greed, abuse, violence, etc. thus I realize that I am responsible not only for myself but for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have a choice whether to change or not which is like choosing between life and death – surely I want to life, because I can see that me as well as all humans have the potential for so much more than we currently exist as this limited and greedy existence

I commit myself to keep standing within myself where I do not allow my mind to direct me and scare me from change that I know I am capable of

I commit myself to stop all my emotional and feeling cycles where I become a stable being that can see and act in ways that is best for all

I commit myself to stop all fear when facing my new self that I write daily into existence

I commit to change and through that change show others that change is possible and through that change we can actually become much more than we currently believe we are

I commit to never stop writing, investigating and correcting myself until I am satisfied with who I am and what this world is – where all live equally happy lives

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