Day 219: Who educates our Children: Sexuality

The youth of today seems to be farther and farther separated from this physical reality than any generation before that. This can observed everywhere and it’s really sad that we as humanity are not learning to predict and correct our reality when all the signs are here to be investigated and understood.

It’s all about the values we imprint on our children as parents that determine the outcome of what this world will become. But do we have any real values left and do we know and understand the importance of actually having to put the necessary effort to teach our children to become integral beings of this reality. It’s seems we are more and more abdicating this responsibility and simply leaving our kids to themselves to learn from what is already here not realizing that what is here is so fucked up that a child has no chance to become a dignified human being without deliberate intervention.

If we are the type of parent that simply leaves the kids on their own to learn about this reality from the TV screens, Internet and other influences without understanding the dangers that exist there, we can, in a rather specific accuracy, predict the future lives of our children.

What is the prediction about child’s development in regards to Sex and Sexuality?

One of the major factors determining child’s relationship with self and this reality is finding out and learning about sex and sexuality, it will determine whether a child will form supportive relationships in the future or just gonna roam around without understanding why it is that he’s unable to settle for anything and why there is the seeking for more and more stimulation with different partners or why the addiction to the alternate reality in the world of pornography and masturbation.

Only now the consequences of highly distorted sexuality is becoming apparent and ever more pervasive in our society. Having created this “fast fix” society we are failing to bring forth the realization of how the real physical reality operates. We are failing to convene to our children the importance of time and space in the process of creation here in the physical. So if we take relationship between to human beings we can see that any formation of effective relationship requires time and effort from all parties where in this through time we get to know each other, we get to know each other’s strengths and weakness and within that finding the ways of how best to interrelate and coexist and support each other to become better, more caring human beings.

But now this whole process has become for so many too much of a hassle when there are ways to get what one wants in a fast, push of a button, manner. So why bother going all this way when “the same” can be achieved instantly. Here the epidemic of masturbation comes in. The endless supply of pornographic material has spiked the imaginations of youngsters where the actual physical reality has lost its taste and doesn’t compare what is possible in the world of imagination. In the word of fantasy we can be anyone we want, we can have sex with multiple partner and in multiple ways without anybody suspecting what is truly happening in the secret mind of the MASTER-bator.

And one of the biggest problems is that not many beings realize and understand that masturbation and pornography is a problem and even less people realize the true consequences that manifest through participating and continuing on this path of addictive behavior.

Yet the reality of that is slowly creeping in on us through more and more stories in the newspapers of children acting out their fantasies in the real world and that is surprisingly baffling the minds of grownups while all the while this could have been easily predicted.

Here you can find series of interviews where the full exploration and presentation of why and how masturbation exists in this reality, as well as find out about the solutions that will ensure the outcome that is best for self and for all.

Shocking Secrets of Masturbation – Introduction

Other very supportive series:

The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination – Introduction    What does it mean to have Imagination? Where Imagination come from? Why is Imagination so Important to so many? Is Imagination Really the Magic of the Mind?

Parenting – Perfecting the Human Race – Part 1

Day 168: Point of change within addictions

 

 

It’s amazing how the mind is trying to distract me from having this moment with myself where I sit down and begin writing myself out where I have this cool opportunity of seeing, investigating, releasing, forgiving, correcting my practical living. I am sure I would have give in into these seemingly legitimate mind’s created excuses to not do what I am doing now if I haven’t had written about this point and wasn’t now aware of how these thoughts come up and try to direct me away from here. So within me I know that writing is effective if I am serious within my decision to change and so the mind knowing that tries even harder to pull the strings.

So that’s the point of today’s writing to talk about this battle that happens within me when change is happening. First it’s the realization that I have to change certain pattern that I see is definitely not supportive but purely abusive. After that that there is basically two ways that the story can go – I can either give myself more time claiming that I need more time or I start acting immediately which is called change in one breath which in theory is the easiest change yet requires absolute realization and within that absolute decision. In that way a lot of struggle is spared whereas when time is allowed – that means war and here the battles begin. Resistance to change. Very true with many addictions where many battles are fought which move through cycles in the end always culminating in the final battle where either I change or I fall into another cycle. That’s the point of self-honesty where I truly reveal to myself who am I.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse time when I use it saying that I need more of it to stop my abusive patterns of behavior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose the battle so many times that I have lost self-trust in my ability to change instead of getting angry with myself and within that anger making the decision to do whatever it takes to stop the abuse

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to investigate in absolute specificity the consequences of my abusive behavior and within that make the decision whether I want to be the abuser or the solution

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that by giving into the abuse pattern I am empowering “the giving up” character within me from where standing up and changing becomes more difficult and where within that i am creating a whole array of consequences that are harming not only myself but everyone around me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the believe that consequences is my best teacher instead of inviting common sense to be my tutor

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that real change within patterns of deep seated addictions will require absolute commitment where I cannot expect it to be anything less than the death of who I believe I am

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to write down in absolute specificity the new path as corrective behavior that needs to be walked when dealing with addictions

 

I commit myself to stop wasting time within the believe that I need it in order to stop my abusive patterns of behavior and within that use the tools of writing where I am more than able to script very specifically how I will act when faced with myself as the addiction character

I commit myself to assist and support myself with any and all means when I am facing a point of change realizing that it has to be done in one time instead of continuing the unnecessary battle creating unnecessary consequences

I commit myself to remove all judgment that I have towards the unwanted behavior thus disconnecting any relationship I have towards it

I commit myself to realize that there is a line and that there is crossing the line from where the change becomes highly unlikely thus I commit to not walk that far and do whatever it takes to change with the first opportunity that presents itself

 

Desteni Forum

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7 Year Journey to Life Facebook Page

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Equal Money System 

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Day 48: Self-trust in communication with females

 

I have this fear of communicating with females in my reality where within that communication I do not trust myself and perceive that I am doing something wrong.  Especially when the communication is enjoyable, when we laugh and have fun basically. In these moments my mind immediately interprets that as flirting and thus I get into an experience of guilt.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret each interaction that I have with female that I find attractive as flirting

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the thoughts that arise within me personally and react to them in guilt

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remain as breath within communication with a female where I can see my thoughts for what they are – attempts of the minds to interpret the situation based on my past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself bound to my past where within that I better avoid all interactions with females rather than push myself within absolute self-direction as a physical action and thus change myself into guiltlessness in proving to myself that I can stand and consider another being as equal to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself under constant control while communicating with females where everything I say is based on preplanned thinking where I basically try to fight my thoughts in a way to remain “innocent” in my communication instead of standing within practical simplicity and being aware of my breath where within every in breath/out breath moment I make a decision of who I am where then I let go my self-control and trust myself that my outbreath will be what’s best for all

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that each being in existence currently is walking the process out of the mind into the physical thus every interaction with any being is reflecting me back to myself and thus it is my responsibility to consider each moment as opportunity to get to know myself and to look for ways how can I assist/support myself and another as myself to move within the process more effectively

 

I commit myself to remove all my fear of having an interaction with another being whether male or female where I remain in my breath in each moment and where I make sure that the starting point of each word and sentence is what’s best for all

I commit myself to stop taking my mind personally and see it for what it really is – attempts to define and categorize my reality out of fear to exist in the unknown – yet all I need is my breath and the principle of living which is best for all

I commit myself to be stable and consistent in my living from where I develop self-trust to stand in face of any situation

 

Artwork byGreg Wiater

 

Desteni Website

Desteni Forum

Equal Money System

7 Year Journey to Life

7 Year Journey to Life Facebook Page
EQAFE

Creation’s Journey to Life

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Day 45: How can Love be Wrong?

 

Here I will look at my relationship with Love. To me it was quite obvious from the beginning that there is something wrong with Love and I asked myself and others in my world many times to explain me what is this thing Love, but every time I was getting different answers thus never really getting to any conclusion about it. As a child I remember we had this chewing gum for sale “what is love” and after unpacking the first layer you would always get these little drawings with some words in it explaining what is love – so there were many explanations about love – the guys must have busted off their asses to come up with such a variety of explanations perhaps never realizing that they are confusing the population and especially children with all this nonsense. From what I remember mostly it depicted the acts of pleasing another to be the expression of Love. So basically when I look back there is only confusion and uncertainty about Love as this supposedly all-encompassing presence. It was always here but it was never really grasped or understood within the minds of men.

So it’s time for Love to be exposed and actually defined so that we could take it to the court and determine its rightful place. Here we will be the judges that will decide if the thing called Love was of any worth to humanity or was it just a virus that was infiltrating people’s minds for some evil purposes.

In my later years during the time when I formed my first relationship I realized in a way what it is that people refer to as Love. It was a wonderful intoxication where everything in my world basically disappeared and where I was just falling in Love.  It was a constant blissful feeling, butterflies in the stomach and all that bullshit. When I looked back to that period in time and within seeing how I existed in relation to all other beings in my reality I was really ashamed of myself for allowing myself to be sooooo blind. Nothing else mattered for me but that feeling as well as my partner as she was the necessary part for me to be able to generate this feeling.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question love within the believe that something that is so good can’t be bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself blame and become angry with my family when they would comment on my obsessive behavior when I was in love

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have a full right to be in Love not seeing and realizing that within that I was not taking any responsibility for anything else but my own feelings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or consider other beings in my reality while being in love

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise all my other relationship that I had in my world just to hold on to the feeling of love

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become completely irresponsible, untrustworthy being because I placed my feeling of love above everything else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how much I was separated from my physical reality while being in love

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I was manipulating and forcing my partner to compromise her relationships so that I could ensure that she belongs only to me and that in this way I am certain to have my feeling of love secured

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that love is a feeling as the positive energy that can be sustained only for so long and that inevitably I will have to fall down from my fantasy world and face the reality of what I have allowed

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that to sustain the feeling of love I had to constantly generate energy and that this energy had to be extracted from my physical body thus sucking it dry just to maintain the alternate reality of love

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that love is the greatest tool used by those in control of this reality because beings that are in love are completely oblivious to what goes around them –thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the trap of controllers by falling in love

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall

 

I commit myself to expose the reality of what love is and thus manifest a structure of support to prevent as many falls as possible

I commit to place love in the same category as any other addictive drug and prove that it is so

I commit myself to challenge lovers and show how far they have separated themselves from what is here as this physical reality which in the meantime is completely ignored and disregarded when in fact it is single most important things upon which all is dependent

I commit myself to prove that we as humans to don’t actually have the right to experience love because to experience love one only takes and takes from this physical reality as the energy to sustain the feeling of love while in return giving nothing of real worth

I commit myself to show that there is no real love in this world just by showing the facts and numbers of how majority of human beings in this world exist while someone has the audacity to close themselves in the bubble of love and pretend that what happens in the world has nothing to do with them

I commit myself to show that the only valid form of love is physical practical care for another beings as oneself where no separation and limitation exists

 

More articles debunking the illusion of Love:

Day 44: In the Name of Love

Spirituality – ‘Love and Light’ is Drug Addiction – Day 43

 

Videos:

The Design of Love

Women of Desteni – The Search for LOVE, Family and Children

Definition of Love

 

Day 31: The Life of Masturbation

Today I was reading about sex and masturbation and how that has infiltrated every aspect of our existence, where no matter what we do it is all stemming from the desire to have this energetic satisfaction whether through sex or masturbation. Then I looked at my own life and saw how I was/am caught in this ultimate search.

In my life I started my sexual exploration with masturbation and then went on to form a relationship. The sex was great, until it lasted, until there was this energetic build up between me and my girlfriend. Later though the energy started to dissipate and the whole relationship became boring, repetitive and sex wasn’t so great anymore. I don’t remember if I used to masturbate during my relationship but what I know for sure is that I really fucked myself with that after the relationship broke. I noticed that masturbation was giving me better satisfaction and there was no hard work involved as it is within a relationship, within a relationship you have to consider another being and within masturbation I was alone and free from all the responsibilities. So within that realization I gradually stopped my relationship formations and completely isolated myself into the fantastic world of masturbation. I was glad that internet was getting faster and faster and allowed me to download pictures at much greater speed. I mean I was evolving together with the evolution of internet. It never allowed me to get bored as it always had new things emerging and that kept my interest alive. And I never had to stick with one girl as there was such a variety of them that I could choose from.

Years went by like that, but still within me I could see that masturbation didn’t really satisfy me completely – there was always the feeling of “not enough”. I was getting further and further away in the world of masturbation, where eventually pictures on the internet were not satisfying me anymore and I started to fantasize about girls I knew in my world and I masturbated on them. I also used my memories of past relationships where I went through the sexual experiences remembering all the details and in that way building up my energy to masturbate. Still all that wasn’t so cool as it lasted only for that moment and after that I would feel like shit, because I mean I was alone in my world, I couldn’t have proper interactions with girls as my mind was so full of pictures, desires, fantasies, all I could see was sex. I didn’t know how to approach a girl, how to communicate, how to act. It was really bad and I would sabotage all my attempts almost immediately which of course led me to more suppression and further masturbation as the only way to satisfy this growing urge. And this also influenced all my other relationships that I had in my world as I was so isolated in my inner reality of sexual images, fantasies and desires. I mean that was almost my whole reality, I wasn’t doing anything else much. I was interested in spirituality which was actually supporting this type of life. But that is another topic. So it lasted like that for years until I could see in common sense that this was going nowhere and by any means I have to stop this. I didn’t want to end my life like that.

So from here my battle began. One very cool point was that I had a friend to whom I could openly communicate on these matters as he also was battling with the same thing, and so we searched for solution together. My biggest disgrace was when my friend found me masturbating in his house watching the pictures of his sister. My friend was really cool in this and showed no reaction as he could understand the desperation, but I think in that moment we both realized that this is not a way to go and has to stop right here. The consequences of participating in masturbation were obvious, where the whole reality shrinks to only this point of seeking satisfaction that can never be attained but grows bigger and bigger destroying all the potential of becoming somebody in this world.

When I look back now at all these years that I wasted I can’t help but experience regret that I haven’t seen earlier the destructiveness that this behavior brings. I mean there was no information that I could find about the destructive nature of masturbation and what is more important to find the means how to end this addiction. And it’s not until I found Desteni where they went into detail of how one actually is harming self and others through masturbation. They provided the tools of how to begin the process of self-healing and how to direct this process in the most effective way. Even then it was hard and a long journey to stop that initial behavior – where now I still have to deal with the consequences that this long lasting behavior has done to me as a being. I mean I have formed and shaped through many years who I am and now I am still living in some way these consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lost in my alternative reality of masturbation where I have wasted many years that I could have used for self-perfection in developing skills or attributes of myself that would have brought real satisfaction in my life

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that though masturbation I have isolated myself from all beings in my existence where I lived in secret and fear that others might find out who I am behind the picture that I present to everyone in my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that masturbation has no influence to my reality, that this is my own business and I have full right to do it where I didn’t realize and see the invisible effects that participation in masturbation was actually creating

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that it was masturbation that influenced my inability to form normal relationships with girls in my world and that it was effecting all my other relationship as well

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to defend masturbation by all means never allowing any consideration about how it affects my reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in regret once I found what I have done to myself and my world through masturbation instead of standing up within myself and correcting myself as who I have become as the product of many years of masturbation where within that I stop all the consequences that it has manifested within me

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to study everything about how masturbation exists in this reality and make sure that I place that knowledge and share it through my own experience as wide as possible so that those who have this problem could find the information and see what they are doing and where they are going – and do it with the realization that I would also wanted to have found this information when I was completely lost in masturbation but could not find any real information on all the ins and outs of how it functions and the extent of harm it does/will do to one’s life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there are no consequences of masturbation after one has stopped participating in it where within that I have allowed myself to stop all investigation without realizing that it is still ingrained within my subconscious and unconscious mind from where who I am here as my conscious personality emerges, but because I have suppressed it I am not able to see it, yet my actions and decision are still very much based on what I have done throughout my life and who I have become within what I have done

Thus I commit myself to devote my time for thorough investigation into the whole masturbation design where I educate myself on every detail of its working  to thus be able to forevermore clear myself and support others in clearing themselves from this addictive and destructive behavior

I commit myself to see and understand all aspect of how masturbation effects the lives of people and how to transform masturbation into something that is not harmful to self and others

I commit myself to write and share the process of walking out from the infected dirty mind into the purity of life where I prove that it is possible to let go of this addiction for energetic experiences and that by letting go one can find real enjoyment and satisfaction just by being here with other beings where one is able to form intimate and fulfilling relationships

Here are few very supportive interviews:

Day 17: I Preferred Younger Girls

 

I was very much attracted within my search for relationships in this world towards innocence. That’s why in my last stage of more intimate relationship formation period (up to age of 22) I used to form my relationships with younger girls. This tendency as I see developed because I have lost my own innocence when I started participating in the system, where especially I was introduced to alcohol and drugs, where through the use of these substances I was suppressing myself more and more and where eventually I lost almost completely my natural ability to enjoy myself and freely express. For that reason I tried to compensate that lost part of me within forming relationships with younger girls where I would merely observe and enjoy their expression. I simply liked spending time with them where I could relax from the harshness that I experienced participating in my reality, especially when I started my business where I had to compete and constantly fight to earn money. So these relationship were like a fresh breath for me where I didn’t have to perform or act or be something – I would simply be there and watch the innocence at play. I was around 21 I guess and the girl I had a relationship with was 15. My friends were laughing at me but in a way they could see the point. I guess that’s where pedophilia comes from and it is possible perhaps that if I continued on this path of self-destruction I would have ended as one. I never had sex with any of the younger girls, even though I wanted, I felt unable to approach them in a proper way, I felt like an old ugly guy in face of their expression and basically kept all my imaginations in my mind. None of my relationship lasted long because I couldn’t bear any form of attachment and would flee immediately when seeing the signs, that’s because I knew within myself that it’s the end of innocence. So then, at the age of around 21 or 22 I eventually isolated myself from any intimate relationship formation and remained in this state for a very long time. That’s where spirituality fitted in so nicely but that’s for another topic.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from innocence by allowing myself to be influenced and consumed by the adult world of fakes personalities, lies, deceptions and strife for survival and the idea of success

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for innocence outside of myself where I kept forming relationships with younger girls believing it’s the only way to stay in touch with playfulness and free expression perceiving myself to be too small and insignificant to stand within the system and be who I wanted to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where innocence of a child is taken away to be replaced by systems that suppress the whole beingness and where laughter is replaced my constant sadness and worry which is often hidden behind the fake smile as it is another requirement placed by the system to keep everyone fooled that all is ok

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fooled by pictures which I believed are the true reflections of this reality where all the while the truth was inside me and all I had to see and realize is that we are all basically the same within our suffering, what’s different is only the coping mechanisms and believes that we use to fool ourselves into forgetfulness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never take responsibility for what I was seeing and experiencing within my reality but totally and completely suppressed myself and accepted the reality as it as something that is unchangeable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and exist as this small particle of the system playing my role as everyone else and coping with what is here as best as I can where I would form my little relationships to get some “innocence fix” where I did nothing to preserve that innocence but simply observed how it is turning into the usual systematic manifestation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sit to this very day without having made a clear and eternal decision to give all of me in totality to stand and do whatever I can to change the current system of abuse and greed into what’s best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep participating in my thoughts feelings and emotions when I have seen that it’s harming me and everyone else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed moments of bad mood where I create my doom by not taking full responsibility for every breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not ready to stop myself as the systematic robot which is equal to the believe that I am not ready to be who I really am thus I remain within my limitation as the mind consciousness system spinning in cycles over and over just to prove to myself again and again that I have to stand and make the final decision to never again falter in my application

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that my believe in limitation is exactly what keeps me from seeing the way to free myself from that limitation

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see understand and realize that I am here and I am the only one who makes decisions who I will be in every moment of every breath

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that is not only about writing who I am and who I want to be and how I want to achieve my goals but it’s about actually living, applying and changing myself in this physical reality

 

Thus I commit myself to become aware in every way of my participation in my everyday reality to be able to apply and integrate my corrections that I have scripted for myself through writing

I commit myself to live in every breath my decision to do only what’s best for all life until this decision becomes who I am

I no longer allow myself a moment of weakness or faltering where I become equal to this system that exist here which also never rests or falters where it works tirelessly to continue its survival mechanisms running where as a consequence life as the source of energy suffers in ever more greater quantities

I commit myself to become as effective and as specific as this system is so that I could stand equal to this system and make corrections as it

Every time I will experience any desire to go astray- I stop I breathe – I remind myself about the atrocities that are here and that my bad mood is bringing doom to many beings in this existence on a stable basis where every 5 seconds a child dies because exactly of the system in which I want “rest” and wait for my mood to change

Artwork by Ann Van Den Broeck

 

If you haven’t yet decided where You stand within this Life – educate yourself to see the real choices that exist: Visit Desteni Forum

 

These Interviews will assist you greatly as they take you on a journey in the shoes of another:

 

Day 15: Inflicting Pain in Relationships

Here I am continuing on my relationship patterns to reveal and expose who I was in the past and what I still carry with me into the present so that I could see clearly my mistakes and make sure it’s never ever repeated again.

Another view I want to look at is who I was through my history of relationships since my first long term relationship was over and I got my “freedom” I so desired. As it is usual I went, as everyone else does, through the break up depression which was gradual as me and my partner agreed to have casual sex sessions to make the break up less painful. So that was cool and it really worked where slowly but surely we both went our separate ways. It is amazing when I look now how much pain is experienced during relationship break ups – where there is usually one side that makes the decision as they are more or less over with the relationship, so for them it’s rather easy to make that decision, however the problem is that they do not consider another being at all and what is his/her position and state of mind in that moment. I mean the question that one who is “in control” in that moment can ask is: I am I really that desperate to run for my new energy fix or should I stay and make sure I take responsibility for the consequences that we both created by allowing ourselves to fall in LOVE?

So looking at myself and what I did from that moment is that I never again went into long-term relationships so that I wouldn’t create the attachment that leads to painful break downs. Instead I became hard and senseless being who didn’t allow feelings or ability to care for another but just have instant gratification within sex and be done with that. All my other partners I had since then where short term where I would I have sex once or twice and with first signs of any attachment formation I would flee as far as possible. What I did not realize then or maybe I did in a way is that even then I was causing a lot of pain by making a statement basically that I just used you for a while and now fuck off. I mean I never communicated clearly with another about my true intentions thus letting the believe form that my intentions are good, as I knew within myself that the truth would get me nowhere. I didn’t have many such encounters, I can count them on one hand, but still I suppose that I have seen what I am doing because I remember how during one of my such endeavors I to break up with a girl before having sex with her. She was at complete loss to understand what has happened but I am sure it was better that way. Of course I wasn’t completely honest and didn’t explain my reasons for the break up. However i later found that this has caused some pain to the girl as well. So  whether this was the cause or something else I simply stopped seeking any relationships, I mean I still desired and kind of tried to get sex, but wasn’t really going for it and eventually I just went into pornography and masturbation, unwilling to have anything to do with this hard work called relationships. Little did I know then that this activity is as harmful as any other – I am grateful that Desteni opened my eyes and I was able to see what I was actually doing. From here long and arduous process followed to stop that addiction as well.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider only my dick when entering a relationship where I never considered principles such as trust, or commitment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and abuse the innocence of other beings to lure them into a trap that I have set to satisfy my desires not considering the pain that I will cause

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my true intentions of simply using another to satisfy my desires where I never gave a second thought about what that could mean for another being in their current life or in the future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so obsessed with picture presentation of girls whom I used for my self-satisfaction that I became completely blind to who they are as living beings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a coward who never faced the consequences of my actions where each time after I broke the relationship I would simply disappear without any explanation of where I stand leaving another being in the dark

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my actions because apparently I never told any girls about wanting a long-term relationship yet not considering that I never told the truth of my actual intensions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my actions by believing that I live in the moment where I don’t make any plans for the future thus getting the permission by myself to use and abuse another with the consequence of inflicting pain and probably hatred towards males that possibly could cause distorted future relationships and maybe even the whole life

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ever stop and considered how my each word and deed is affecting other lives

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ever question the accepted ways of how people from whom I learned as examples enter and break the relationships

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to use my own common sense in seeing how I was participating within relationship and within that finding ways how to correct the damage I have causes and prevent it from happening again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue my participation within this abusive pattern within the desire to score higher numbers of partners that I had

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good and be proud of myself whenever I would use and abuse another girl where I would boast about it to my friends and show them how I don’t give a fuck about the girl anymore

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that my participation within that was very much fueled by my desire to be a winner, just to prove to myself that I am able to do it where sex was my reward

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my evil life of relationships by comparing myself to “more evil” ones and hold the believe that I was the good guy

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that it is possible to actually care for another being and create a supportive relationship with clear communication, respect for self and another

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that it is possible to create a relationship as a space where real beings can come together to express themselves in full trust of each other, without any fear of being vulnerable and open towards each other and where true intimacy can be born

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that it is not necessary to fight or try to win within a relationship but that it’s actually possible to walk as equals supporting each other to learn, expand and grow as real human beings where we get to know our existence and our place within it where me make sure that what we both are having/creating is something that will benefit the future for those who will come to this earth after we leave

 

 

I commit myself to stop all judgment to myself based on my past and thus I release my past unconditionally within the commitment that I will investigate and live new ways of relationship formation where I make sure that my relationship that I create stands within this world as an example of how to support each other through effective communication where all card are always laid on the table so that all would be transparent without any secrets that could ruin the trust and ability to be intimate with each other

I commit myself to form my relationship in a way that is aligned with the principles of life where our participation within the relationship reflects the honoring and respect of all life on earth

I commit myself to make my agreement stand in the service of life where no self-interest exists but interest and consideration for all life on earth and this existence and where I am able to pass the principles of this agreement confidently to those who will follow me after I am gone trusting that if I come back to this earth i will be supported unconditionally by those who follow the same principles

 

Extremely supportive articles on relationship formation: Failed Relationships; Do you Love Breakups?

For more support on personal questions visit Desteni Forum

For stuctured support with personal Buddies that will guide you into becoming the best you can be within your relationship with yourself and another sign for the Agreement Course

 

Some Supportive Interviews that You just can’t Miss

Day 14: My Relationship was a Factory of Energy Production

A few nights ago I had a dream of which the details I cannot recall, yet the only point that is certain is that the main character participating together with me within some kind of adventures in the dream was my ex-girlfriend. Even though my relationship ended almost around 8 or 9 years ago there are still occasional thoughts and memories coming up about her. That was my first and only serious long term relationship that I ever had. Since this relationship ended I never committed myself to go on the same “journey” again, as I didn’t like the emotional turmoil that such relationship involves. Either way this relationship is like my main platform from which arises the patterns of my sexual expression as well as all the patterns of communication and interactions within other intimate relationship that I formed throughout my life as well as my current agreement. So I see that it is crucial for me to disconnect the ties derived from the past where according to them I have defined myself and I still live that definition very much in my current agreement when I move and act in moments of unawareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep the past alive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the past within the believe that it was great

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that all the memories I have from the past are only positive memories within that I fool myself into believing that what I had was great

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that my past relationship was based only on self-interest where I never really cared for another being but simply was concerned what I can get from the relationship

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in the relationship just because of how my girlfriend looked while I had resistance to everything else she represented

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value only on picture presentation of another being where I allowed myself to be brainwashed by media where I programmed myself with the believes and ideas of what beautiful is and what should be strived for

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a winner when I got a girl that is considered beautiful by society and where I felt proud of myself for being the one that she chose

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself on the other hand to be ashamed of my girlfriend because she was not fitting the standards of intelligence that my mother has set

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry at my mother for telling me that my relationship was only short term and that it  won’t  last long even though I could see myself  that my relationship is only based on sex and energy which I knew can last only for so long

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lost within myself when after the energy ran out within the relationship I was left only with a being that was dependent on me and who having now served the purpose of making me happy was no longer necessary

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, understand and realize the nature of relationships and the consequences that manifested if I allow myself to be driven by energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to after the energy ran out within my relationship still keep the relationship going because of my inability to take responsibility and speak the truth instead I continued to drag the relationship where within that I attempted to create energy by manipulating my girlfriend where I would threaten to leave her thus making her cry which made me feel good as there was a supply of energy for the vampire that was me

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that I was abusing a being to satisfy my addiction to energy and I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear taking responsibility where I didn’t know how to stop the relationship to which I was also in a way addicted as I have defined myself through the experiences that we had together

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize the mechanics of consequences for participating in energy of the mind as seen clearly in my relationship where the initial excitement was fueling my mind consciences personality with new energy supply that I used to run my systems where the main ingredient within that is Pictures as moments turning to memories and in time I created the database which has defined who I am in relation to these pictures – suddenly when the energy runs out within the relationship I am fucked as the castle that I build can no longer be sustained because there is simply no more energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become fearful of relationships after my first relationship where I decided to not have any more long-term relationships again because I did not want to experience the fall out of Love again

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the real truth of me within the context of relationship was revealed after the energy ran out and I was standing there without energy trying to make decisions

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that in reality I was uncaring and ignorant energy addict who did not give a fuck about another being within a relationship if that another did not provide me with energy

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that being in love within a relationship is the same as having a well-functioning factory of energy production where the energy is used to fuel the idea of myself as who I want to be where who I want to be is completely based on my systematic programming from school, peers, family, media that is all in complete separation and ignorance of the actual reality

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that my ability to create this well-functioning factory of energy production is completely based on my position within the system as the money that is available and other circumstances and where I never considered that most people in this world have no access to these resources and thus are unable to experience “love”

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that by me forming this energy factory I am fueling not only my own personal mind system but also the total system where i ensure its continuation though energy supply not realizing that this systems is faulty in itself and is providing for only a few select beings while the rest suffer

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that it’s possible to have a relationship that is not based in energy but in real practical support and consideration of each other where through that I no longer support the system that is unequal in providing for all

Thus within that I commit myself to no longer participate and create relationships based on my happiness defined by the amount of energy I get to fuel who I think I am as well as this whole system but I commit to from now to remain stable, here, not requiring energy to move myself and where I consider the totality of this system and how it functions

I commit to stop using energy to fuel my mind bubble within realization that this mind bubble is only a constituent of the system that is abusive and unequal in nature thus I stop supporting it through stopping my participation in my thought/feelings/emotions and I work as a real practical being within realization that this system has to be changed and transformed into a system that supports all beings on earth equally by providing the resources of the earth for all as earth is giving these resources unconditionally for all so that all could enjoy our experience here

I commit to work on self-education on how to create relationship not based on energy and within that become an example for all lovers out there to show that fulfillment and real happiness is possible simply by caring about another without using them as energy extraction wells

I commit to stop the recreation of my past within my current relationships where I stop participation in my memories as if they are something to be valued within realization that I am only viewing the positive side of my past and do not consider the consequences that such actions bring

I commit myself to work on each memory that comes up within me where I identify the nature of the memory and within that I unleash myself from the memory so that I would be able to live here as a new being creating a new world with a new foundation within realization that all of the old has to go as it was never here to support all life

For Assistance on all questions about relationships visit : DESTENI FORUM

For an amazing course that makes one able to understand your past so that you can change your future in relationships visit: AGREEMENT COURSE

Day 8: Pornography

At my workplace there is a room where me and my colleagues spend quite a lot of time during the day. In this room we have a few calendars – one with nude girls and the other with non-nude but sexually dressed girls. My colleagues really insist on having these few attributes in the room where they have replaced the old simple calendar that we had before, which by the way was much more practical because at least you could see numbers on it while the new ones put all the emphasis on the picture. So, either way, I am facing myself there. For many years in my life I was quite a big pornography user where during this time I have accumulated within myself huge library of sexual pictures and images that were providing me with the energetic rush that made me feel “alive” and also served as a substitute for my failed relationships. Masturbation and pornography became my new partners in life and so we walked together for quite some time. I am sure if I were to enter my mind like a computer I would find many categories/libraries of pictures that I collected throughout these years.

Even though I believed this point is more or less resolved within me, I am sure now that I was just lying to myself as within all beLIEves. I have never really worked on this point within myself – and even now sitting here I am not sure how to approach this point and where to begin and where do I stand within it. My way of dealing with my desires was basically to suppress and pretend it’s not there. However now that I have this new calendar right above my head hanging all day I can literally face myself looking straight into the wall in front of me, a window of opportunity to finally get to know myself.

Today I have seen very interesting behavior that I acted out in very subtle moments – where when walking into the room my eyes for a split second looked into the picture and quickly turned away – as if there is fire that’s burning my eyes. Soooo – Quite an indication that I fear to look at myself perhaps sensing what is there to find.

Thus here I am willing myself to begin self-investigation – to open myself just like a computer and perform some cleaning on my hard disk, so that I would stop existing as a programmed robot and become a living being

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shun away the point of desire towards sexual pictures and images within the believe that I have transcended the point where common sense dictates that many years of participation and accumulation of sexual pictures and images cannot just go away magically and that this point needs my close and specific investigation to see where I stand within it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my desire where now I am unable to see where I stand within this point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and think about the point as within the desire to make it more presentable instead of seeing directly in self-honesty and writing what is actually here as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to color the truth of myself and hide from self-honesty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shut down my mind and resist writing the point in self-honesty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist looking at what I have become by allowing myself to participate as a consumer of pornography

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define pornography as bad and thus experience shame and guilt instead of looking at the point as it is and investigate all ins and outs how it exists and work towards a correction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep participating in pornography after even after I knew about the harm and abuse that this industry is causing for so many beings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as soft pornography consumer where within that I justified myself as not doing any harm, not realizing that I was still participating and supporting the same industry that exploits human beings creating extreme suffering for many females and children that are forced into this industry to satisfy the desires of sexual addicts who go further and further in  search for the promised satisfaction that is never able to be achieved

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the rush I get watching pornography where within that I justified my addiction by any means not realizing that I have become a slave who is driven by the promise of satisfaction that was never fulfilled but drove me deeper and deeper into separation from other people, especially females as I began to see them only as sexual objects without any ability to connect intimately

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that my participation within pornography and accumulation of pictures and images is influencing my participation and interaction with females where within my mind I still look at them with the same eyes which categorize/classify/organize their physical appearance according to my likes and dislikes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to upon meeting a female as a first thing look at their picture presentation where I immediately label them according to my categorization system instead of just seeing the female as who she really is as a being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider this behavior normal as a part of human nature not realizing that this human nature in itself is flawed and creates as a consequence all the atrocities that are existent in our world

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that human nature means being in complete separation from each other and where only humans are considered while other forms of life are not treated equally but are abused to sustain this human nature. Thus I refuse to further support human nature and all that’s involved in it where I stand for equality of all life

 

I commit myself to stop all participation in pornographic industry within the realization that it creates only extreme abuse by designing the material only for profit where they don’t give a shit about the real education of human beings within their sexual expression

I realize that humans have become so addicted to the energy fix that they will go to extremes to satisfy themselves where within that they create ever more abusive scenarios in their minds to create friction to produce energy – and here pornographic industry comes in and manifests these scenarios to make money from this human disaster

It is obvious that most of what pornography portrays is not even real where they Photoshop models and create movies with unreal scenarios where through that they program human mind with alternate reality that cannot be matched by the physical and thus within this separation from physical world people start to go crazy as they are unable to manifest their fantasies that they created through watching pornography

Here within these realizations I commit myself to expose the pornographic industry as an abuser and destroyer of humanity by showing to people with whom I come into contact where they are actually participating and what consequences they are creating for themselves and their fellow human being and all life

When and as I see myself desiring to experience energetic rush while looking at pornographic picture I stop and I breathe – I realize that if I allow myself to be overcome by this feeling of sexual energy I am further enslaving myself to be dependent on something outside of me to give me pleasure and that my dependency on this source means that I am just another slave and supporter of this abusive system that produces these pictures and images in the name of profit where they do enormous harm to humanity and all life as they take away the possibility for people to become intimate with real physical partners without projecting on them this picture that they saw on calendar

Artwork byAnna Brix Thomsen