Day 155: Anxiety as a constant companion

 

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Anxiety

So hereI will look at the anxiety experience that comes up in relation to the backchat during my studying. This reaction I can see is one of the strongest and definitely has a big influence in my overall process of how I approach my study.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety when the backchat “I have to do this or I’ll never finish the school” comes up within me where within that I am completely powerless to stop this reaction as I have no clue how I have created this reaction in the first place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly wonder off in my mind into various possible future playouts of which I have no control over and where within that the experience of anxiety comes over me because the only way I know how to look into the future is through the eyes of the past and surely if I continue recreating the past I am in trouble

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project failure/giving up into the future where I see myself being unable to pull through with my dedication to study and so I react to this projection with anxiety where it is clear that I am projecting the current moment that I face right here and now while reading or doing my study assignments

thus I commit myself to identify immediately in that moment what it is exactly I am accessing and investigate the point until I am clear and can proceed with with my task being here in breath in and as the physical without the interruption of the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that much of anxiety experiences comes in relation to time, my perception of the lack of it, where seeing all the information I have to learn I get anxious and there is backchat “I’ll never be able to learn all this information”  connected to that

Here I commit myself to establish the necessary structure within my approach to study where I organize my days specifically to include necessary time for my studies and thus remove the anxiety which I see just comes because there is no structural certainty and self trust that I will get to my study each day and so will abandon my daily commitment as I have done that many times in the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get lost in the information that I am studying and within that go into the experience of anxiety instead is stopping myself in that moment and grounding myself through breathing where I assess my approach and implement all necessary correction to proceed in clarity and effectiveness

I commit myself to utilize all the assistance that is available within desteni material to create within my living application necessary structure within which I walk my process in absolute specificity and clarity

 

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