Day 276: The Energy of Self-pity (Part 3)

Continuing from the previous blogs on Self-Pity:
Day 274: The Energy of Self-pity
Day 275: The Energy of Self-pity (Part 2)

self_pity_by_splook69-d3jdb4nI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and understand or try to understand how I am creating the experience of self pity where because of this failure to grasp the mechanics I constantly fall into the same trap over and over again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must deal with the experience of self pity instead of realizing that self pity is an outflow consequence thus by not removing the source point I will endlessly recreate the experience and drive myself crazy trying to fight the energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the necessity to stop myself when and as I am experiencing self pity and ask myself “deeper” questions that would lead me to the source point of creation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be distracted by energy just trying to quickly remove the consequence experience instead of going deeper to understand how I am creating this and ensure that I change at the source

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I wasn’t actually willing to let go of self pity as it has the positive energetic component which can be defined as comfort where in this I gave myself the permission to wallow in this energy without taking full responsibility and looking for a real solution

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use various reasons, excuses and justifications for experiencing self-pity instead of stopping myself and finding the solution for this endless cycle

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to no not realize the origin point from where self-pity was born which is where I judged myself intensely for not living up to the promises that I have made to myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the relationship and how from this moment of intense self judgement and not correcting and forgiving myself for the unfulfilled promise I became more and more miserable going straight into self-pity mode

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the destructive nature of self-judgment where it seems so natural to feel bad about self when not living to self-set expectations/goals

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize or understand that the solution is not in reacting towards self and throwing self into a deep, dark pit of self-pity when and as I fall but to pick up myself in that moment and stand again no matter what, whether it means devising a more practical plan or just giving myself another chance to change

Thus I commit myself to no longer accept the bullying from myself as self judgment and realize that the bullying can only work and does work when I am not really willing to change because if I am willing to change then I make in that moment a statement of what I chose to be and what I chose to do thus I commit to ensure my constant and consistent willingness to use all opportunities to work for change and thus in this there is no need for self-judgment, self-scolding because I know within me that I am always willing to correct myself

When and as I see arising within myself the energy of self-pity I stop, breathe and slow myself down, where in this I look back to see where and how I am creating this energy, where and how I have judged myself and after identifying the point i forgive myself for this unwise and unnecessary continuation of the problem rather than immediately living the solution in the most practical manner

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Day 192: I am not good enough” character – Physical/Behavioral Dimension: (Part1)

 

This blog is a continuation within the series of blogs I am writing about “I am not good enough” character which manifests itself within situations where I have to take action by making a decision to actively participate in my everyday reality. In this blog I am looking at the Physical/Behavioral Dimension: that manifest in my body when this character is playing out.

Introductory Blog

 

Fear Dimension

Fear of being judged
Fear of making mistakes
Fear of confrontation/people
Fear of losing myself and that which I know
Fear of not being able to handle the truth of me
Fear of losing free choice
Fear of the responsibility

Thought dimension

Seeing myself in a situation that goes out of hand and I cannot control it
Seeing a picture that is “empty/blank”
Seeing a picture of myself where I am being screamed at/called out

Backchat dimension

How will people react when I change from being silent/introverted guy to suddenly being active in my participation
I just cannot start participating with people from my surroundings because the topics they discuss are useless and of pure self-interest
If I start participating/interacting actively I will have to sustain that and will not have the free time I used to have
I am not good at applying knowledge practically, I spent too much time just reading and listening to others
I just have to start doing it and it will work out
I do not have the critical thinking skills like others do, all I did was follow others throughout my life

Reactions

Guilt
Inferiority
Anxiety
Overwhelmingness
Depression
Expectation / Anticipation
Excitement

Physical/Behavioral Dimension

Tiredness/ Heaviness
Itchy, sore eyes
Can hardly voice myself

 

Self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself through thoughts, imaginations, backchat and reaction into the physical experience of tiredness/heaviness within which I basically make a statement that everything that I have created to get myself into this situation is just too much and there is no other way to deal with it but to “shut down” my body and mind by experiencing the physical sensations of tiredness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question the tiredness/heaviness I experience where I absolutely accept it as real not seeing, realizing and understanding how it was created in the mind and is experienced by the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have separated myself from my human physical body so much that I no longer can recognize whether the tiredness I experience is of the mind or my body is needing a rest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I am using the experience of tiredness to distract myself from being here, awake, in my reality facing every part of myself in full awareness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the importance of moments in my reality when and as facing situations of communication/interaction with other beings and where within that I experience tiredness as these moments show me that my mind is basically resisting that which is happening as it knows that here lies the possibility for change

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to upon experiencing tiredness go back in my mind to see how this experience was created and so understand what it is exactly I am resisting/avoiding to face in my reality

I commit myself to when and as I start experiencing tiredness within myself to stop myself, breathe and through looking into my body in self-honesty identify what exactly is happening – is this my body getting tired and needs some rest or it’s just my mind shutting down not willing to face a moment

I commit myself to upon seeing that the tiredness I experience is mind created stop the experience by standing up within myself and stating that I will not accept this from myself and in the moment I do whatever is necessary to break the experience of tiredness and bring myself to wakefulness and stability

I commit myself to realize that I have allowed long enough for my mind to direct my living and that it is time to stand up and claim back the ground as who I am as my physical body without the restriction and abuse of the mind upon me

 

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Visit the new “Desteni I Process Lite”course that has been launched recently for all those who are willing to understand,  in practical self-application, the reality of self
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Day 156: Physical Dimension – Tiredness

This blog is continuation in the series where I take the point of studying as well as approaching any other tasks/assignments in my reality. My initial blog as overview is here: “Day 148: I have never been a good student. Is it too late?”

Here I am continuing with the physical dimension where my thoughts, inner conversations, reactions bring me to the point of physical experiences/actions that I fall into without much awareness of how I got to this point. So here I am looking at the experience of tiredness

 

Physical Behaviors

Tiredness

Tension in the shoulders and upper back

Heavy/strained/itchy eyes

Looking for other activities

Playing with my lips and fingers

Scratching my eyelids

 

Physical behavior

Tiredness

Experiencing tiredness before and while studying is something I had and still have quite a lot. Until this moment I have proven to myself beyond the shadow of a doubt that it’s almost all self-inflicted through thinking, unless sometimes it’s real physical tiredness after some very intense day of physical labor. Either way the distinction between the two is obvious and it’s all now up to me to stand within all these moments when I am fooling myself through the mind and say no to the illusion of tiredness.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed self-manipulation through the mind  processes of thinking, having backchat/inner conversations, imaginations where I create the illusionary experience of tiredness thus sabotaging my self-application within studying

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go through the whole cycle from thought to imagination to backchat to reaction to experiencing tiredness without any awareness thus making it very difficult for myself to stop this experience of tiredness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the whole alternate reality within me separating myself completely from the physical here moment where I allow this alternate/illusionary reality to have power over me by directing my physical actions

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stand up within me and say no to the experience of tiredness but instead I acted on the experience as if it is real      within that not realizing how each time that I gave in to this experience I was imprinting a new layer of behavior pattern making it more and more difficult for myself to stand from this

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I do have the power to remain here in each moment of breath seeing in detail when my mind is busy creating the experience of tiredness and thus stop this creation before it comes to the point where I feel completely powerless to stop it from playing out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight and resist the experience of tiredness where I also become angry at myself for allowing this within me, yet instead of directing myself constructively to get out of this experience I stubbornly try to overcome it through continuing the resistance thus sabotaging myself completely

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall on the same point over and over just by believing that I can and I will stand where within this I have never really investigated how actually I create this experience, where does it come from and how it function specifically, thus I was in essence existing in hope that I will change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my mind an enemy which I have to fight and conquer instead of realizing it is me and the key is to get to know myself intimately and so direct the change from within

 

 

I commit myself to establish intimacy with myself where I become aware, within breath, how my mind functions/moves from initial thought manifestation into the end result of physical behavior

I commit myself to stop the separation of me from my energetic experiences where within that separation I approach them in fighting mode and so I commit myself to bring all parts back into one whole and realize that all is me and only through getting to know myself intimately I can produce the desired change that is best for me and best for all

I commit myself to no longer shun away unsupportive experiences within hope that they will disappear but I take the necessary time to investigate closely, utilizing the existing support from desteni material (especially “Heaven’s Journey to Life” Blog), what exactly I am facing and how to approach that with most effectiveness

I commit myself to daily writing and within that investigation of who I am in my mind relationship to the physical where I get know my patterns and how they lead me to experiences of giving up on my responsibilities in this physical reality

I commit myself to do whatever it takes to bring myself to the point where I am consistent and effective within my physical practical application of studying as well as any other task/assignments must be accomplished in my reality

 

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