I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and understand or try to understand how I am creating the experience of self pity where because of this failure to grasp the mechanics I constantly fall into the same trap over and over again
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must deal with the experience of self pity instead of realizing that self pity is an outflow consequence thus by not removing the source point I will endlessly recreate the experience and drive myself crazy trying to fight the energy
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the necessity to stop myself when and as I am experiencing self pity and ask myself “deeper” questions that would lead me to the source point of creation
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be distracted by energy just trying to quickly remove the consequence experience instead of going deeper to understand how I am creating this and ensure that I change at the source
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I wasn’t actually willing to let go of self pity as it has the positive energetic component which can be defined as comfort where in this I gave myself the permission to wallow in this energy without taking full responsibility and looking for a real solution
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use various reasons, excuses and justifications for experiencing self-pity instead of stopping myself and finding the solution for this endless cycle
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to no not realize the origin point from where self-pity was born which is where I judged myself intensely for not living up to the promises that I have made to myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the relationship and how from this moment of intense self judgement and not correcting and forgiving myself for the unfulfilled promise I became more and more miserable going straight into self-pity mode
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the destructive nature of self-judgment where it seems so natural to feel bad about self when not living to self-set expectations/goals
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize or understand that the solution is not in reacting towards self and throwing self into a deep, dark pit of self-pity when and as I fall but to pick up myself in that moment and stand again no matter what, whether it means devising a more practical plan or just giving myself another chance to change
Thus I commit myself to no longer accept the bullying from myself as self judgment and realize that the bullying can only work and does work when I am not really willing to change because if I am willing to change then I make in that moment a statement of what I chose to be and what I chose to do thus I commit to ensure my constant and consistent willingness to use all opportunities to work for change and thus in this there is no need for self-judgment, self-scolding because I know within me that I am always willing to correct myself
When and as I see arising within myself the energy of self-pity I stop, breathe and slow myself down, where in this I look back to see where and how I am creating this energy, where and how I have judged myself and after identifying the point i forgive myself for this unwise and unnecessary continuation of the problem rather than immediately living the solution in the most practical manner
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Experiencing tiredness before and while studying is something I had and still have quite a lot. Until this moment I have proven to myself beyond the shadow of a doubt that it’s almost all self-inflicted through thinking, unless sometimes it’s real physical tiredness after some very intense day of physical labor. Either way the distinction between the two is obvious and it’s all now up to me to stand within all these moments when I am fooling myself through the mind and say no to the illusion of tiredness.
Arvydas' Journey to Life 